succumbing to a BP valley

I woke up this morning and just wanted to succumb to the downside of this stupid disease. Spent an hour looking at my S&W 500, finally went to gun range and shot almost 300 rounds before I didn't feel so down. My wife and Dr. both say they understand what I am going through when I hit this valley, but until they have looked down the barrel they only have an idea. I am still in the valley but am trying to get out, I am hoping for a quick mountain climb.

I would like to know why when someone dies from a disease they succumb to it yet when someone with mental health problems kills themself it is suicide. Succumbing to something is giving in to a superior force.

Sould Desroyer

I am sorry you are in this valley atm but please try and hold on to the fact that it wont last forever. And most importantly keep safe. Thinking of you.

Cracked

Can you give me a better example of succumbing to a disease? In my opinion, those who succumb to a disease never wanted to have the disease and certainly would rather not die from it. Also, they don't actually perform the final act of killing themselves. However, I can understand somewhat as to why you are frustrated/angry by this. There is a lot of misunderstanding with regard to mental health, and perhaps you really have to have been suicidal to understand what drives a person wo actually want to die. I understand it, because I have been there three times.

Good luck
Kevin

Chucky wrote:Can you give me a better example of succumbing to a disease? In my opinion, those who succumb to a disease never wanted to have the disease and certainly would rather not die from it. Also, they don't actually perform the final act of killing themselves. However, I can understand somewhat as to why you are frustrated/angry by this. There is a lot of misunderstanding with regard to mental health, and perhaps you really have to have been suicidal to understand what drives a person wo actually want to die. I understand it, because I have been there three times.

Cancer, Aids, any disease you don't want to die from, and eventually do die from. I don't think anyone alive would want a mental illness, yet some of us do die from it. As you have been there 3 times, you will understand when I say as you sit there with whatever you choose, you know it is wrong and don't want to do it, but you sometimes can't stop it. When I hit a valley I have to sit and look in the barrel of my S&W 500 until it passes. I am waiting for that day when it doesn't pass.

So you know I was on Lamictal and was lucky enough to get a mild (if you want to call it that) case of SJS 10% of my body. I have days I want to take an Ibuprofen to end it, but don't because it hurt too much the first time. I am not taking any meds at all right now and don't have any plans to. If I were to take an Ibuprofen and die from SJS, did I die from that or a BP valley? Hopefully this gives you some insight into my question.

Sometimes the only thing that helps me is a song I wrote 20 yrs ago with the final line being
"Sometimes I can see the sunlight raining in my head.
The only thing I know is nothing at all."

Soul Destroyer

To take this completely off topic, I will ask you this: You wrote a song? Have you written others? Sometimes, getting over a mental illness is about not focussing on 'tackling' it at all, and instead just getting on with your life irrespective of whether it wants to tag-along with you or not.