Divorce

Hellow, Iv been married 9 years and my wife has recently filed for divorce for the second time. We have two kids between us. Kid A,Kid B. they are twins and just turned 8yo. My wife has a son Kid:S and he just turned 17. I think she is bipolar as well as her mother and sister. They all three work together manipulating situations and people to make sure they get custody . Can people who are bp get custody of kids? I think they are manipulating or Brainwashing my littleones. The sister is a Ga. State DFCS Dept. of Family and Children Services. She has all the leagal training and knows , thru seeing it all these years how to use the system. Manipulate , Get the proper papertrail to incrimidate me. I really feel Iv been used for 9 years. When we met (J) my wife worked at the State to. Dept of Corrections, She really seemed to be trying had to be successful and was very ambitious careing of her son and all. I still today dont remember asking her to marry me but I knew I loved her. I had to ask her mother if J nd S could live with
me and she said know. She didnt want her daughter living in Sin. She Said you wount try as hard if your not married. They lived across the street and J cam over nearly every night and left every am. Her mother didnt know I was told. So I guess the boy was upstairs alone , I didnt want her to stop so I didnt ask. I told j one day that if I get married it would be on my 3/9 This is a Important day and anniversary for other things Iv done. Didnt nessacerrily discuss whitch 3/9 . Thje next thing I know Im on the road to marriage. One Day I asked her to pospone the wedding , She says if was 2 weeks before, to me It didnt matter I needed time to think as I was feeling railroaded by these women. She said crying and Harshly Its Now or Never. A sucker for a crying girl who I never would hurt I said ok ,Now. I was honest and senceir and wanted to help with S. I had just bought a bass boat so me and s could get aquainted and become friends, me and j said this would be are kids s and the boat and maby plan another in a couple years. After our wedding she sat down and really never got back nup. Im tired, is all I heared. We never slept together, I had to beg for sex If I wanted it and finally quit asking. She didnt come to bed for 5 of the first years. The house was getting very trashed as she never wor shoes and didnt disiplin s to keep food out of the living room. I turned over the money to her, 4 diffrent times over 3 years handeling the checkbook she Nearly lost my house,and ruin my credit and payed unknown nsf charges. She didnt wriht anything down in the registar. Never cleaned house , would get pissy if i started. The next thing I know She pregnate .I remember getting coached back when we were dating and how her friend got pregnant by taking anti biatic while on Birth Control. Well guess how she got pregnant. I felt stuck so I got into my job and worked at it. She had quit every job and didnt want tot do anything. I hated coming home but loved the boys all three , I was in no way permitted to have any control over kids she made it known that she was incharge of kids , except paying . Now my kids were babys but stephen was older and I saw no discilpin , Manners, Social skills of getting along w/ others, Allways having a hard time in school , every year. I saw her never try and help with homework, If she set some punishment she never inforced it . She like forgot a day latter. The boy is 17 yo now and is a mess, no self esteem, control of anger, dosnt care if he passes school. Dosnt know how to work a gas pump. He just got his learners licens. She lets him do stuff and go places and then she using the gas and vehicle I provided to go out and get him . They are like best friends She has so much unaccounted for time, and really think she is cheating .But she uses him and all the caus to her advantage I think to hide that shes bipolar. She is a manipulator and a user , when we argue she leaves with the kids and gos to her mothers where her sister the dfcs agent lives. , I said their in no danger, i would never hurt a kid, or you Im just pissd at the way she does or dosnt do things. Allways lieing, covering tracks . I have felt for 9 years that the problem she is using me and she proves thru actions that there is very little or no love for me. I kept paying but did my thing.
I said to myself when my kids are 18 Im gone!
As time passed I had bought 2 more houses and like a good husband had her quitclaimed on deed. She didnt disclose the fact she had aufull credit before we were married and if she had done nothing in 7 years would be fixed. Its been 9 and its worst now that then. I didnt let her have any credit cards and asked her to not get anymore credit. I noticed she would go thru my wallet at night and get my credit card. She would by gas ciggeretts she said like its ok., She knew if she asked me to much she would have to listen to me bitch. I allways gave her money but I made her earn it by getting a lecture. Hell I was fed up with all the lies and BS , I felt like I deserved to be fustrated because nothing would change it stayed f-up. I never saw a more unorganized person. She left the stove on all night and even all weekend a couple of times . B allmost burt our house down with her lighter that was on the coffee table . The next morning after the fire her lighter was in the same place as where the boy found it. Im seeing the manipulation and brainwashing in my littleones. We ride dirtbikes they are 8 now. A is the one with the big heart and B is the whahoo. She has rented a house about 2 miles from me . The other day A didnt want to stay with me , Now I hadnt seen the boys for about a week and 1/2 . They use to call and want to see me every day, He said he was affraid a tree would fall on the house. I had never heared him say that. She said he says it all the time, Iv never heared it, I said ok and they left . about a n Hour later me and B whent to three house for lunch. She and I were suppost to be working things out ,She told me she put the divorce on hold with her lawyer. She was standing at the sink and told me to be easy on alex that something was going on with him and I need to back off, I said what going on , she said I dont know buy Im seeing someting, Isaid , What and she shook her head and said nothing just clamed up. She was trying to manipulate something. I said thats it Im getting them out of here, She exploded into a rage pointing a knif at me said get out the divorce is back on get out, she grabbed her phone and was calling someone, I was calling 911 . Grandma was allready on the way over she lives about 25 miles from J. This is why I believe she wanted to separate the kids to get to A. Brainwashing. She had closed and locked the front door closed the blinds somI didnt see what was going on in there, she was yelling in the phone hes calling 911 911 to her mother. The officer couldnt do anything , we both had rights to the kids. the knife thing was shrugged off. Its been about 3 months now that they my kids and wife have moved out. they live less than 2 miles from me. The divorce papers say Joint custody but living with her . She says I abusive, Yet shes giving me joint custody. Less than 2 miles and I am not ever allowed to spend the night with them or them with me, Her mother or sister comes over every night to set with them as she has a paper rought at 2 am. She will ask my neibors befor she askes me to watch them . Manipulation. What can I do , Help. I have taken the kids to Florida, I have help there, Mother and 2 siters to help I can get a job down ther with good insurance. I am trying to get a restraining order out . I dont know or have much proof other than living it and dont know what to do. Her whole family knows of her mothers problem and her brother told her son she didnt think right. No one ever told me they just keep covering it up manipulating things to justify the caus and confusion. Who's been abused, What can I do , Help!! This has cost me a career, and all the money ,equity and nearly everything I ever had had. When does it end.

Dixie,

There's no way to tell who's bipolar or whatever from what you've given us. Having a bipolar wife and knowing what it's like I can't sort anything out here.

Personally, it sounds more like you guys never did communicate or get on the same level at any point in your relationship. You should have been in therapy a long time ago, just as my wife and I have, and you could figure out at leat 2 things....

1) you guys were never gonna get on the same page as far as what goes on with your lives

2) at least one of you has some sort of mental disorder that keeps you sliding back into destructive behavior.

True enough, alot of what you have said can be characteristic of someone with bipolar disorder, but it could be anything.

What you really need is a psychological evaluation for yourself and your wife, get on track, then address anything with the children.

However, if it's over and you're getting a divorce, it's going to be hard, if not impossible, for you to get anywhere with your feelings that she's bipolar. A doctor, a good one anyway, is not going to see her once and say, "yep, she's bipolar!" It doesn't work that way.

Seems like both of you are in a wild state of unrest .

I need It , Your right I dont know squat! When we talk if she feels I am wright or close to wright or whatever she did really looks like its her fault she walks away and will act pissed off for 2 or 3 days and leaving me hangging , I eventually cool off ,but there was never any closure so it stays in my head. Until the next deal and its the same way ,No Closure. Catching her in lies stealing credit card , I wouldnt care if she needed to use it and rarly said anything when I new and saw her take it , at least early in our marriage. Now she has built up so much mistrust and when we talk 9 years of this comes out. I see a pattern, Her family has been hiding something from me the whole time. I think her Mother is ill and both daughters have it as well. She is allways dulusional, saying someone will take are kids. I say What ? Why? I repeat her and she walks away like I did somthing wrong. She gets so vindictive.
Out of nowhere she asks if you thought I were ill or needed help would you have me commited? I would propably in a kidding way say hell yea! But thats just it, I never dreamed of this and after reading all the web sights it makes scence. I never heared of bipolar until she said it. Every neiborhood whe have lived in there was allways one girl and normally it would be the one I liked the best or liked her Husband , and she would after a gathering or party when were home say she's not right or I think she is Bipolar , or she should be on prosack. I would just look at her like a deer in the headlights , Daauuu what the hell did you just say. Where did that come from. I noticed how friend of mine quit comming over after I was married, even guys I grew up with, Football teammates quit calling and was told after she moved out last March by 3 diffrent people how she plays people on eachother. I guess I didnt see as I generally keep to myself , and I guess I felt pretty confident in her . And now I just dont know. I asked her to go to theripy for me , with me and she wont. She is so sure she dosnt have an illness that she wont even go for Me or Her or the kids. My neibor said I needed to be more humble and act as if its all my fault and humble her into a doctor . So I started reading these online deals and forums . If she is BP I would be relieved , at least I would know what was wrong. I told her I didnt want the divorce, she is the one who filed and is trying to discredit me all over town,and she says she wants this divorce and hopes we will work things out afterwards, That makes no scence to me! Damn just tell me whats up . this has been torcher, the nights Iv laid awake thinking and thinking, trying to put all the clues together. If shes BP im not bailing on her, Its my illness to, but I felt so used and unappreciated,taken for granted. Should I stay, Her family hasnt givin me the respect of of feeling me in on the big secret. Did they think I couldnt handel it . Or did Mom coach them if anyone knew they would have somthing on them and so you must discredit people in your lives who dont know and manipulat situations so you can cover up the truth? being able to handel it? I dont know what I need to do. Hey man , Thanks for the reply and Please send more I really need to get this off my shoulders.

Dixie,

At this point your best bet would be to seek some sort of psychological help. Ask around and make you an appointment with the best psychotherapist in your town. DO NOT GO TO A PSYCHOLOGIST. That's not what you need right now. The psychologist is mainly gonna help with meds. You need to see a therapist and go over your marital history and get some direction as to how you could possibly get your wife to come.

Try this........
Make yourself an appointment for yourself not for couples counselling. Call your wife and tell her you have an appointment for yourself. Give her the date, time, place - all the info. Ask her if she will go with you or at least meet you there. Even if she won't go you should go anyway.

In my opinion, like I said before, there's too much unrest to try to handle this here. Your best bet would be to get professional help.

good luck, man

Well Friday night the boys wanted to spend the knight at my sisters house is Florida. She lives ywo blocks down from where we are staying. I worked on getting my paperwork for the divorce in order (didnt accoplish much) and went to bed about 1 or 2 am. My brother in law came in the house kicking the bed and said Jane had taken the boys. She stopped by to say good by and that she was going back to Georiga. She said I t would be the 17th until she sees them. This is what my sister told me. She left and the boy and sister and bro in law along with their 2 girls who are teens got in the truck and where coming to where I was. Jand and her sister showed back up and my wife told my sister she wanted to buy them Jeens. the boys didnt want to go until she bribed them by saying your Aunt has 20.00 for you to buy toys and they got out . She grabbed their arms and ran to their car and left. I got dressed and got on the road as fast as I could. She Called last night on my cell and said they were back in Ga. Hung up and I dodnt know where in the hell my kids are. She filled her voice mail up and I cant leave a message. I let here come in the house last Thursday to visit them. I envited her back Friday night for Dinner and had to ask her to leave when she was on the couch wispering something to them. I mean I cant trust anything she does. These kids where so relaxed until she got down here and then they were on edge, clingging to me at night. All the laws are aginst me getting my kids . Even in our marriage , All I ever wanted was for her to support the rules and teach these kids the things that make good habits so the will be productive , resposible,Honest,reliable successful adults. Does anyone know of a good attorney in Georiga for such a case. I need help.

Okay....if you guys are going to get a divorce and you have some question as to her mental status, and she's making demands on you for custody, money, property or whatever......Try to stipulate (with your attorney's direction) only coming to some agreement with her on these issues as long as she submits to a psychological evaluation.
Right now that's the only hope you have for some sort of determination on mental status.

btw, if you do this, be prepared to have the same evaluation.

good luck, man