current symptoms

Hello all, I'm new to the forum.

Just some quick history:

I'm diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed with it when I was 16 and was in a deep depression at that time. Since my mother was bipolar, my full diagnosis was "bipolar with a tendency toward depression." I was moody and my emotions would swing very heavily.

When I was 19/20, my depression started going away because I was tired of feeling down all the time. I was taking depakote as well.

After one time of smoking marijuana, I suffered a very intense panic attack at this age. This triggered a long battle with panic attacks and anxiety of which I didn't know much about. Eventually I got really angry and fought them off.

They stayed away for a while and then returned at which point I had to do it all over again...and go through fears of choking to death on food and waking up with a shock of fear surging through my body and grasping my chest.

Anyways, I had my first manic episode when I was 23 during which I suffered from a lot of delusions and paranoia. It took a lot of experimentation to figure out which antipsychotics worked best (with least amount of side-effects.) The result was zyprexa although I gained a lot of weight on it.

Well, after that, I would still have panic attacks hit me. And I would have times where I wasn't taking my meds and have hypo manic symptoms pop up.

Lately, my my mind isn't racing and I'm not thinking really irrational things but I am going through a hell of a time emotionally and have been suffering really bad panic attacks. I haven't spoken to my doctor yet about how difficult it has been because I figure they usually pass.

So, I'm wondering if these panic attacks are related to mania or not. Right now I'm getting this weird feeling in my gut that is like a shock of fear that surges through me. As if I have been repressing a lot of anxiety and it's jumping on top of me.

There are psychological factors in my life as well and lately, I've been under a lot of emotional stress. I'm just wondering what I should do because this anxiety is unbearable. One part of me tells me that I need medication for it, another says it's a symptom of hypomania and i need to go on my usual antipsychotics and another part of me is saying that I need to deal with it in therapy and resolve the problem rather than supressing the symptoms of the root cause with drugs.

any feedback is appreciated....especially with common exprience, thanks.

it is quite possibe. Anxiety and panic attacks make the situations in life harder to deal because the body takes over. After much researching, mania is destructive because the person going though it has little or no control over their actions and thought, resulting lots of hurtful and sometimes violent things to come out. I want to commend you on your
self awarence to not allow yourself toshut down all the way. I hope that my significant other canreach that poin. He doesn't share what id going (and he may not know because this disease is cruel in the sense that it impairs judgement and allow emotions to be all over the place) It pains me to watch suffer because I love him and would do anything to take this from him. During his manc and depressive phases, the person I know and love has temporarily left and the the disease has taken over. II encorage you to your medicine. Please PM me if you want to chat. I have also struggled with depression and currently panic attacksi