Need Advice Please

I would appreciate any advice anyone out there could give me on how I can tell if someone I've just started dating (who is bipolar) is seriously interested in me or is just using me while he's on a manic binge. I was introduced to this guy by a family member and everyone seems to think very highly of him. Everything went fine for about a week or so and then he started displaying all the symptoms of a bipolar disorder. What was once a kind, lovable and respectful person turned into an insulting, hostile and untouchable person. On more than one occasion he has made references to other women's "attributes" while I was with him and he finds fault with me over everything. If I'm just a fling, please let me know how to get myself out of this situation as safely as possible as he has demonstrated he has a bad temper.

If someone that you are with can be so disrespectful to you, especially so early on, you need to get out. Obviously, something is not right with this relationship, or you would not be posting here. I think there is more to this story than you are letting on. But that is okay. I would suggest that you end the relationship before you get in too deep. Before you start to have strong feelings for this man and can't leave. Or before they hurt you. People that are diagnosed bipolar can be very hard people to live with and love. I am bipolar myself and so is my fiancee'. Thank god we both take our meds regularly or it would be one crazy household at times. Bipolar's can e some of the greatest people in the world, I don't mean to dog out your "boyfriend". But I know that when I was not on my meds, I was a very difficult person to deal with. This is something that might be too sensitive of a subject to talk to him about, but if you don't think it is, maybe you should talk to him and see what he says. Good luck and keep us posted.

yikes. bipolar or no, this is an abusive relationship and you need out.

abusers are often well-thought-of by friends and family; it's part of how they keep control of whoever they're abusing. most abusers never change, though of course there are always people who manage to rise above their old patterns. if his illness is bringing on this behavior, you can expect that it will cycle around again someday. anyway, if my illness caused me to be so awful to a loved one, i would want them to do whatever it took to protect themselves from me.

i don't doubt that he has a temper. has he threatened you, or attempted emotional blackmail (i.e. "if you leave me i'll kill myself")? if so, i'd let all my family and friends know that i was about to leave him, that i was worried for my safety, and ask them to be on the lookout. if you're genuinely afraid for your life, talk to the police. look into getting a restraining order, and make sure he can't find you for a few days at least.

more info is at the national domestic violence hotline website:
www.ndvh.org
their emergency phone number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

best of luck, and please take very good care of yourself.

I just wanted to say thank you to both kind people who replied to my post for your input. Since I last posted asking for advice, I have witnessed all kinds of bizarre behavior from my bipolar "friend".

He told me--in front of his parents--that he had once killed a cat, skinned it but left its head intact, nailed it on a board with it's paws hanging down and stuck at stick in the head to prop it up so it still looked alive. His parents laughed and found this funny! His mother said "And the neighbor lady got a closer look at it and screamed and she never came back to our house again!" I didn't find this a bit funny at all. What's even less funny is that his parents are church leaders!

Also he got started on some necrophila tangent one night and got to talking about the Tom Petty video "Last Dance With Mary Jane" where Tom cavorts around with a dead woman and supposedly has sex with her. Then he talked about some article that he had saved from a "Hustler" magazine that talked about a woman in a morgue who had sex with dead men. He said I was "closed minded" when I said I had no desire to read the article and I had no interest whatsoever in the subject--period.

Shortly after this he made plans to get together with my relative's (who had fixed us up) ex-wife who is on disability due to being a crack addict.

The last I heard he was about to get fired from his job (of 2 months) because he had been late every day since he started. Obviously I need to be on a "dysfunctional family advice board" because one of my other relatives was quick to offer him another job where he worked!

I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks and he doesn't call me anymore. Good riddance! If this is what a bipolar relationship involves, let me the heck out of it!

I don't think it's all about being bipolar, I think he's on drugs--he does smoke a lot of weed, but in addition he probably does coke or crank or crack given his other behaviors and the fact that my relative (his best friend now) does the same stuff.

Thanks and any further advice is certainly welcome!

I just wanted to say thank you to both kind people who replied to my post for your input. Since I last posted asking for advice, I have witnessed all kinds of bizarre behavior from my bipolar "friend".

He told me--in front of his parents--that he had once killed a cat, skinned it but left its head intact, nailed it on a board with it's paws hanging down and stuck at stick in the head to prop it up so it still looked alive. His parents laughed and found this funny! His mother said "And the neighbor lady got a closer look at it and screamed and she never came back to our house again!" I didn't find this a bit funny at all. What's even less funny is that his parents are church leaders!

Also he got started on some necrophila tangent one night and got to talking about the Tom Petty video "Last Dance With Mary Jane" where Tom cavorts around with a dead woman and supposedly has sex with her. Then he talked about some article that he had saved from a "Hustler" magazine that talked about a woman in a morgue who had sex with dead men. He said I was "closed minded" when I said I had no desire to read the article and I had no interest whatsoever in the subject--period.

Shortly after this he made plans to get together with my relative's (who had fixed us up) ex-wife who is on disability due to being a crack addict.

The last I heard he was about to get fired from his job (of 2 months) because he had been late every day since he started. Obviously I need to be on a "dysfunctional family advice board" because one of my other relatives was quick to offer him another job where he worked!

I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks and he doesn't call me anymore. Good riddance! If this is what a bipolar relationship involves, let me the heck out of it!

I don't think it's all about being bipolar, I think he's on drugs--he does smoke a lot of weed, but in addition he probably does coke or crank or crack given his other behaviors and the fact that my relative (his best friend now) does the same stuff.

Thanks and any further advice is certainly welcome!