How do I live with my BP partner? I'm desperate....

I guess I'll just set this straight from the beginning. I do not want to end my relationship. I am desperately in love with the most wonderful man I have ever met and though he's driving me insane I really want to make this work. Every therapist I've been to in the past two years has given me no constructive advice but to dump him. So I stopped going to therapists. Please, somebody help me.
For the past two years I've ben all but certain my boyfriend has BPII. I'm in grad school for psychology so I know a fair amount of the literature and he's pretty much a poster child for the DSMIV. He was in debt for $40,000 in high-end restaurant bills before I met him. He's "tried" to kill himself eight times, he has been fired from several jobs for acting inappropriately, he sometimes take off all of his clothes at parties, He's crashed his car while driving drunk in an ice-storm, he goes on highs where he stays up all night doing data analysis for the fun of it, he talks to himself in voices constantly (which I actually love), and there have been times where he has stayed in bed crying all day. He also has an incredible mean streak and, being the most intelligent man I know, is very adept at making me hurt, either by name-calling, insinuating that I don't love him, or just plain ignoring me for hours or days. He's incredibly unsure of himself often and has attachment issues, and is always, and I mean, always paranoid about my actions so trust is an ephemeral thing for him. For example, when I come home sometimes he insists that I must have been out with other people instead of at work. When I even mention other guys it's a full out interrogation about how attractive I find them. Just tonight when I called him the first thing he asked me was if I gone and gotten drunk with people, and when I asked him to please not accuse me of things right off the bat, he hung up on me. Many a night has been spent crying in bed, alone, because he's sleeping on the couch. It's affected my behavior too. I lie often now so as not to start a fight. Just little things like not mentioning a co-worker I had coffee with. His worst fear is me lying to him, but it's nearly impossible not to if I want to maintain any sort of calm in our relationship. Then when I tell him what I feel he breaks down and cries and insists he is a monster and should just go kill himself and make everyone happier, so then I hav to pick up the pieces. On his good days, he's the most affectionate, supportive, loving partner and I've never been emotionally closer to someone. I've brought up the fact that I think he's bipolar and while sometimes he agrees with me, he still refuses to go see a doctor. I tried for a year to get him to go, and he asked me to accept him the way he his, not se him as diseased, and work with him on things he can improve. And he has improved on some things. He doesn't scream anymore, for one. He tries to apologize more. I've tried to be fully committed to not seeing him as diseased, even when it's the only thing that helps me not see him as just a jerk. But I'm not sure I can handle this. I thought I could but a few nights ago I really scared myself: in a moment of pure frustration and pain while he was ignoring my crying, I cut myself for the first time. I'm generally a very stable person and it's mortifying to see myself reduced to this. I don't want to be in so much pain that I'm cutting myself to feel better. I don't want to be afraid of the man I love. I want him to be happy, and not paranoid, and I want to spend my life with him without this agony. I could probably do it no matter what but then I think about how our would-be children wouldn't be able to. I think about him hurting himself due to carelessness or on purpose, and about me hurting myself to get the anger out. What do I do? He won't go to the doctor, half the time he denies there is anything wrong, and I'm left feeling completely helpless and feeling a little bit insane. I don't want to feel like a battered wife, but I don't want to hurt him by telling him he is abusing me. He is my best friend, and my favorite person in the world. Is there anything I can do or is this relationship truly screwed? Please, any advise would be welcome....

The cycle will never end unless he is willing to admit the problem exists and is willing to go on Meds. If not, you are in or a lifetime of abuse and heartache.

If you are a psychology student then you should know what codependency is. I would suggest you study it for a little bit. I can't really think of any other reason you would still be hanging out with this guy. If he takes no responsibility for his actions and gets help on his own you can't help him, as mentioned. Unless he hurts you, then you could file a police report and proabbly have him committed to a hospital. My wife and I went through some pretty rough stuff, but I listened to her, went to a hospital, eventually got diagnosed and am now on medication. That's a big difference from your story. If he's pulling off all his clothes at parties and crying in bed all day he needs serious help, and it sounds kind of like you are enabling him to live his life without getting help. The therapists you went to know this and that is why they suggested you leave him. He probably won't realize he needs help as long as you stick with him. I would plan on moving in with a friend or somone, pack and leave while he is not around, then call him and tell him you can explore the possibility of getting back together when he gets help.

Yes, I know Im acting codependent. That's the hardest part of this for me because up until now I have been the very definition of a confident stable person. I know I have some control issues, like liking to be needed, and feeling like I need to help everyone who needs it. It's why I've always been the person my friends go to for help. In turn I don't often open up to people emotionally because I don't want to seem like I need other people's help. Being with my boyfriend has both magnified and reduced this fault of mine. I have to be extra stoic for him most of the time, but when he' not having an episode, he's the only one I feel comfortable opening up to about my insecurities and I can cry in his arms like a baby without feeling judged. He's also exciting to me, which is something I've never had in a boyfriend - I've been bored up until now in my relationships.
I think that part of the reason I haven't given up is that he really has made serious progress and changes since we first started dating. He doesn't do many crazy things anymore and I know how hard he is trying. He tells me all the time that every time he controls himself it's because he thinks about how disappointed I would be if he didn't. There have been stretches of months where we get along swimmingly and I think: I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy and I think about asking him to marry me. But without fail, right when I think that everything is going to be ok, he relapses and destroys all confidence I had that we were going to be ok. It's not even the big blowout fights that bug me anymore. At least those can be resolved. It's the foul moods that last for days where he completely pushes me away, accuses me of not loving him, or starts some petty argument that I can't fight because I seem defensive. He always forgets about it soon thereafter, pretending everything is normal, but I still feel upset and when I tell him he often completely breaks down and tells me I should leave him because he's a horrible person who shouldn't be around other humans. Part of this is that I want to prove him wrong. And cure everything with unconditional love.
I know I should be demanding more from him but it's so hard. I understand him wanting to take steps. He is so terrified of thinking of himself or others thinking of him as a diseased person. And I guess I really wanted to believe that he could do it without meds, but the things he has managed to change, like taking his clothes off at parties, are not the things that hurt us the most, like the constant paranoia. I know he needs me and loves me though and I want to be supportive of him in the best way possible. I really want it to be that believing in him will cure him. I guess I've just realized that I am believing him at the cost of my own health. I just don't think I'm capable of taking such extreme measures like breaking up for a while because I need him too. And I'm also worried that it would set him off and he would hurt himself. There seems to be such a fine line between love and codependency. This is so painful. I just keep holding out hope. I can deal with a little turmoil but constant depression and uncertainty is driving me into depression.