newly diagnosed

hi, i posted in schizoaffective asking this... but im probably headed for a bipolar diagnosis, i just want to know, if there's anyone out there with advice:

last yr i thought i was schizo, cuz im an artist but i was definitely doing work that wasn't art-like, it was more... my own delusional stuff, which everyone says is okay, cuz im an artist! this year i did it again, but it made more sense w/what ive been learning, and it was successful, but only before i had a serious week or two of delusional mania (ideas came out of work.. to ideas in real world, until i was going after this girl ive liked for a few days in a row)... half the time i was crying cuz i thought i was schizophrenic, the other i was stuck tihnking about this girl, thought she was hitting on me, then thought maybe if i made stuff work out b/w us i wouldnt be crazy (wasnt sure if she was hitting on me), etc.. till it blew up in my face and she left for a concert (though i thought it was a trick somehow, and she was gonna stay w/me the whole weekend and wed be together forever.....) been stabilizing, reading so much bout illnesses that i even started having "symptoms" of another "relapse!" things are back to normal now

i guess ud say i hav cycles: i always start changing my "perspective" (religion, social situation, etc.) around summer, was always depressive in december (usually start habits/get really sick/when initial artistic ideas surfaced) and come into my own ideas in the spring (left religion, last year's stuff and this year was the worst). i heard voices/sleeping problems one december when i was a child, too, hav had problems w/self-inflicting pain, and definitely hav a borderline personality disorder... (feel like the less i hav, the more productive i am.. slept on floor for a while, etc.)\


ugh, sorry... im whining now! please... anyone who can relate..? IM me or reply, or somethin... thanks

-matt

I know somethings about schizoaffective - and it seems that one thing they have described is a difference between bipolar and this is psychotic behavior.

Also from what I under and have experienced in my disorder are hallucinations of any or all of my senses - auditory (infrequent), visual (not grandiose, but there all the same), olfactory (putrid smells),etc. Also have delusions and a grandiose/narcisstic/more. However, my main diagnosis is bipolar disorder, rapid cycling with mixed phases (sometimes diagnosed as severe). I would also suppose you may or may not be on the same medications: I am on antiseizure, antidepressive, antipsychotic, and tranquilizer medications (Lamictil, Paxil, risperdal and Klonopin).

I would assume (though I know what that does to both of us), is that the disorders have some commonalities that make it difficult to judge one from the other. They final diagnosis that came my way was via a 300 page psychology test given by psychologist/social worker tester while I was an inpatient. I wish I could tell you what the test was. They had me diagnosed as primarily bipolar (very high on the scale), but I also had high scales in other areas.

I hope you can find a good doctor (second opinions are also a good idea when dealing with mental illness) and maybe get in touch with a psychologist (they are the ones usually with the tests. Both professions are good in their own rights and they both do different things and have good points to make. ALso make sure you get a good case manager - can find under case management in yellow pages (if in michigan, can contact CMH - community mental health for sign up and/or regerral - I see one at Bridgeways in Kalamazoo).

Also, Redmond (? Kathrine, PhD), has a few good books out and she has book that studies bipolar illness and artists (my book isn't at hand at the moment, but she shouldn't be hard to find - popular books on the subject). This may or may not help you.

Anyway, bipolar can be a pain, no matter how you look at it, and you may have to go through a battery of drugs - to me, lithium worked best, but I had to stop taking it because it has a serious toxic problem - which, believe me, you do not want to have to go through - and why I didn't die with mine, I'll never know.

I hope this is some help. Keep reading the forums (another good one is bipolar.about.com/ or can just go to about.com and they can lead you in the right direction). I have yet to find a bipolar that expresses manic depression in the same way, so take accounts which a grain of salt, they may all be true to that person and others, butnot to everybody. I am still looking for something that sounds like me.

Good Luck - Keep Painting/drawing, etc.,
MitziRene (rapidomixeda)

thanks, yea.. my uncle who deals with mental illness says ill probably take a computer test (lots of yes/no questions).. stuff runs in my family too...

as far as meds are concerned the pdoc i talked to mentioned a new paper hes writing on treatment entirely with lamictal!? and has a colleague nextdoor to me back home... not sure how much that will help me, but gives me a sense of hope in confronting all these drugs... um as far as weight gain, how's the risperdal working for you?

-matt