Hardest thing spouse/loved one has dealing with

My wife has been diagnosed biploar as of 4 months ago. However, she's been swinging in and out of these episodes for about 10 years and I've been just taking it as it came not knowing what was really going on. I tried to get here to seek psyc help, but she denied having a problem. About 9 months ago I saw the worst of the worst with her being hospitalized 3 times in 3 months. Although I understand that some of the things she did while she was in a manic or depressed episode were out of her control, they still happened.

What's the hardest thing your spouse/loved one had to deal with? How did they cope - or did they?

I'm having a tough time. Her last episode (depressed)was 2 weeks ago when she, again, decided she didn't need the medicine. She was gone for 2 days.

Hi!
I have suspicion that my boyfriend has bipolar disorder. He is not oficially diagnosed yet, but it seems like that.
I`ve had hard times with him - few month ago he had something that seems similar to maniac episode - was veru irritable, had very spontaneouse ideas etc. It looked like he tried to make me feel as bad as he could to make himself feel better. It was hard to stand
A month ago there was a peak - he had strong delusions about situation in work and life at all. He has imagined very serriose problems that do not exist. It was impossible to convince him that he is wrong although he understood that what is going on with him is not normal and these are delusions. I understand that in such condition person can understand with part of a mind that he is wrong but the other part of mind keeps telling things.
We even agreed to visit his psichiatrist in few days, but it all ended up next morning when he tried to commit the suicide - he cutted veins on fis arm and legs. Fortunately I woke up and found him soon enough to save his life.
Now he is on medicine and feels fine. He realized what he has done the same day.

But there is also the other part of this storry - ME. I cant cope with the sight I saw that morning month ago in our bathroom - man I love and plan family with all in bloody water in bath. This sight is deep in my brain and I dont know what to do with it. I`m terribly scared that something like that can repeat. I love him so much and do not want to lose
My feelings gets worse from a fact that nobodey can understand me - I mean our families and also few friend who knows what happened. Some of them trie to be supportive, some are straight and recomend me to leave him. But damn - I love him and do not need oppinions about our relationships write now... I need support but do not know where to get it and what kind of support I need...
Only person I can talk about my feelings is my boyfried, but I feel bad talking with him about it as for him this is also hard and he is trying to forget it... talking with him I make him feel bad for what he has done to me emotionally.
So I feel quite desperate and really have no idea what to do with my feelings

liliann, just dont give up on your boyfriend. i cant promise anything, but im in a similar position as him now, and i know.. the one thing i wished most was that i had a girl to be with to help me get back on track.. he will, all bipolars do, as ive been reading, but its really a question of personal strength, imho, and how prepared we and our friends are. you know your boyfriend better than anybody else. bipolar is not about personality, its about a malfunction in the brain, a malfunction of personality, that makes someone do stupid things sometimes. dont take all of his weight upon your shoulders, but im sure he could use someone to help ease the burden right now.

by_a_thread, i cant say much for you either. ur wife must be having a hard time gripping with the fact... simply that her chemicals are out of whack! its not fair, and no one should like it; maybe get her to read some books on bipolar, because i dont think its something to fear, and thankfully, the medical health system is getting better every year at helping people like us! reading stories about successive bipolars/mentally ill patients has lifted my hopes more than anything else. even just finding someone else for her to talk to that understands illness...

-matt

cableart, thank for your answer
I know for sure that I will not give up - I love him and want to be with him. I guess I did not mentioned but these last 6 months has bin really a chalenge for both of us - everything started with a car accident we were in and he was verry serriousely injured. Spent 3 weeks in intensive terapy and some more in hospital. This was what caused this episode we think. In such short time there were 2 situations when I could lose him but the God did not let that happen. The way we try to look at all this we are going through is that it is some kind of test from a God to make us stronger.
I know we will deal with all this, just sometimes I feel tired and scared. Tomorrow we have next appointment with psychiatrist, I guess I will try to talk to her also about my feelings and fear, maybe she can help somehow.
I have one question to you - in all this situation I feel that only person who can understand my feelings is my boyfriend. I has talked to him about it several times, but I feel scared that maybe I do wrong - maybe for him this all is too hard to listen... He suggested himself that I should talk to her and suggested that, if I wish so, I can do it alone. My mom supports me too and she suggested that I should talk about this with his doctor alone without him not to disturb his feelings again. What do you think - how should I act - talk to her when he is present or without him?

I`m sorry that you do not have a girl next to you to support you, but I`m sure that you will deal with all this and when the right time comes for that, you will also meet somebodey special to be with

i don't know if it was the worst thing my former boyfriend had to deal with, but it was certainly the one we fought about most: housework! i didn't do any. none. i still don't, and my house is just this side of a trash house. now that i have a diagnosis (bipolar II) and a name for the symptom (psychomotor retardation), i have a whole lot more sympathy for what he had to put up with.

hey liliann.. sorry this is a bit late to reply! i think all you may need is a little more insight on your situation to understand what youve been coping with, but maybe from someone else's perspective. relationships are good places to vent daily frustrations and all, but if frustration stems from the relationship, i think its good to re-organize your thoughts and feelings with someone on the 'outside!' i think you are too worried about hurting him and id recommend talking without him around; dont worry... crisis and change between two people only make their bond even stronger.

-matt

I had the perfect relationship....we never fought, we never argued, we laughed, had fun...were an ideal couple. I knew that he had suffered from depression, and told me that he was Bi-Polar, but I never understood, I guess things were too good, I thought I was teh reason he didn't feel ways anymore.
Then 12 days ago, he ended our relationship. He had a stressful week on starting on monday ....he lost a sale, he was in debt, I was the bredwinner, I didn't care though.......

I just don't know where to turn & who to talk to to. I have been reseraching this disease & it sounds like him, but I would love to speak to someone who has gone through it.

My life of 5 years (on and off) with my bipolar boyfriend was either heaven or hell. Heaven when he was stable, hell when he went into a mania stage. Then, in the end, the depression stage started. He could be so romantic and charming, caring, loving, and giving, and then turn completely cold and act like a narcissist and leave me and my children to start a new life with another woman, then come crying back to me, telling me that they meant nothing and that I am the only one who understands him, and the love we shared could never be replaced. We were engaged twice, almost bought a home together, but then I would find out that he was not being honest with me once again, and I would call everything off. Our last try, which ended 2 months ago, started out well, and I thought that finally through joint councelling and the proper medication for him, we could have a life together (his family was supportive, mine were not, as they had seen the endless pain I endured trying to help him). I put him in the hospital 3 times due to severe depression and anxiety being medicated with alcohol. I had never seen him in this stage before (when he had left me last time for Florida, where he bought a home, he was in the hospital twice for depression). He was put on medication, which made him feel nothing, decided to go off the medication, and started the mania stage again. I could feel it coming, and gave him the option to leave again, which he did. The rollercoaster of emotions was extremely difficult to deal with, and in the end, I just couldn't do it anymore. I have read every book you can think of and still research on the internet, because I obviously still love him, but now know, that for me, it is not possible to live a normal life with him. His pattern is to always come back, but I am trying to get strong again, and not let that happen. Each day, I work hard on forgiving him for something he has little control over and pray that he is doing well. I believe it has to come from within himself to want the help.

Without a doubt my husband would say the hardest part of dealing with this would be my anger and bitching about everything.

When I'm manic, I am seriously ticked off at EVERYTHING.

The last time I told him I wanted a divorce, of course I didn't mean it, but the fact I said it breaks my heart. When I told him to get out he told me it wasn't going to happen and to get over it. I calmed down after that, but my yelling and bitching has been hard on him.

i have been researching bi-polar illness for the past couple of days, because my husband seems to do into deep wells of depression, he quits his job suddenly, stays in bed and drags us into financial turmoil. he also begins to binge drink and gamble (i live in oregon where video poker is everywhere).

a few days later, he gives me huge apologies, and does everything he can to make things better, but i know it's just a matter of time before we go through it all again. we are expecting a daughter this sept., and his moods have gotten worse since we found out we are having a baby. is it common for a big life event to trigger the bi-polar illness? his brother has bi-polar disorder, takes medication, and is completely sober. he says that he has thought for years that his brother (my husband) has the disorder, but i can't seem to get my husband to a mental health center for an evaluation to get him the help he knows he needs. it's as if he is too proud to admit this illness has taken him over.

my biggest wish is to just get him stable so we can enjoy our wonderful life.