suicide??

AWWW!! That's a sweet story!! I'm so glad that you and your husband stayed together. I hope you both have many, many more happy years together, ahead of you.

I'm glad you shared that with me. It's nice to get to know you a little bit better.

I hope your daughter will be feeling better really soon!!

As for me, today has been so great!! I've been in such a great mood today. I'm really hyper, which can get annoying, but ya know, it's also fun!! And I saw two guys at wal-mart, working in the cd department, and I think they are REALLY cute. But I bought a cd, and then I couldn't believe I did it 'cuz I just bought one about a week ago. I was like, "what did I just do?" "oh, I bought a cd." "why did I do that". lol I usually think about it before I buy a cd. IDK. I'm a big save my cash person, so anyway. It's a good cd, but I'm slightly upset at myself for buying it 'cuz I need to save my money. Oh well, I work hard for it, I deserve to enjoy it a little!! I think I'm gonna put my cash up for a while though so I can't spend anymore, until I have it saved up to a certain amount.

Sorry if I just bored you to death with that last paragraph there. lol. I need to shut up about my money. lol How many times have I said lol or posted a smiley?!! Today is such a great day!!!

I hope I feel at least half this good for the rest of the week, but I don't think I will. I'll probably be beating myself up this week for not doing school today...even though today was sort of busy for me.

cya.

~element

Well, last night, I went to bed, and I got reallly depressed. And I didn't know why. I was just depressed and I cried a lot, but no one knew. So I prayed and asked God to comfort me. And it did help some. I was still a little depressed, but I felt a lot better. I just reminded myself, or I guess God reminded me that he loves me and he doesn't want me to be depressed. So even though I wasn't "all better", I was okay, and I could stop crying. I've been praying about what I should do lately. I'm trying to just give this to God. If I need to be put on meds, then i'm gonna try to accept it. If I just need therapy, I'm gonna try to accept it. And if I don't need any of that, I'll try to accept that also. I think the only thing that I wouldn't be at all willing to do, would be going to a mental hospital. But I don't think I'll ever need to go, so I'm not gonna worry about it.

I'm feeling alright, as for now. I hope I can feel okay all day. I"m gonna try hard. I'm also gonna try to stop hurting myself all together. I'm not gonna do it anymore, at least I'm gonna try extremely hard not to!! So when I'm feeling like doing, please encourage me to be strong and resist it. 'cuz I think I can stop. I want to stop now, before I have noticeable scars from it. I already have some tiny ones, but no one ever notices them.

I'm making a lot of progress in school today. It's gonna be a miracle for me to get it all done by the time that I want it done though. But at least I am making a lot of progress. I'm not feeling very well though 'cuz my mouth hurts so bad. I have two really large sores in my mouth, and it's making an extremely large section of my mouth sore. I'm apathetic right now, which I guess is okay. It's better than being depressed.

~element

Hi element.

How ya doing today?

So sorry just gettin' back withcha. ooo, that looks bad, withya. there we go.

I'm a young lass of 43. LOL. So you can say I might have been there and almost back.

I love to hear you talk about your dreams and plans. I'd give anything to be 14 again, and know what I do now. and I'm still learning, or trying anyway. I think each day is an adventure.

Being bipolar I have had a few careers already, I get bored easily, I have stretched from nursing, and pt(physical therapy) to business owner, and certified autorefinisher. yeah, I'm a chick. I loved that one the most, cuz I could be creative with the show cars, and I specialized in graphics. The paint finally got to me, and I sold my business. I am now a stay at homer. My passion is helping others. I guess the nurse will always be in me, or always was.

I have 4 dogs, that I adore, and no children. They are my furbabies. I do however have 8 Godchildren. They all call me aunt DD.

so you cashed in on a cd, cool. Did you get that outfit?

Well element. I've been up since 5 a.m. here, I live in MO. USA .

Oh, Oh, and I'm so proud of you for deciding not to self harm anymore, that is wonderful. When you look back someday, you'll be so glad you made that choice, each scar is a reminder , and you don't want that. right?

I'll ttys I hope,

hi ddee!!

I'm doing pretty well today. I'm really motivated today, which is awesome!!! So I hope that lasts for a long while. I'm also excited about watching smallville tonight 'cuz it's my fav tv show ever, and it's pretty much the only tv show that I watch. So that's something to look foward to!!

My mommy is 42. I don't consider her old. I also dont' always call her "mommy" but I like the name, so anyway. I think it's sweeter than just "mom".

I love to hear you talk about your dreams and plans. I'd give anything to be 14 again, and know what I do now. and I'm still learning, or trying anyway. I think each day is an adventure.

It makes me feel special to know that someone loves to hear about my dreams and plans. I've never thought anyone other than my parents cared much about it.

THat's cool that you used to be a nurse. I'd love to be a nurse. I just really have the desire to help people and to be loving and nurturing. Wish I was always that way with everyone. I can't stand to see someone in pain (physical or emotional) and not be able to help them. So I think being a nurse would be good for me. I just wish I could be both a nurse and concert pianist or rock star (I kid you not). Heck, you never know what's possible.

I LOVE dogs!! I have two.

Yep, it's a pretty cool cd. I didn't get an outfit, but I did want to. We didn't have time to go to the store that I wanted to go to, but that's okay. Maybe I can save up some more cash, and go another time.

Oh, Oh, and I'm so proud of you for deciding not to self harm anymore, that is wonderful. When you look back someday, you'll be so glad you made that choice, each scar is a reminder , and you don't want that. right?

I just hope I can stick to it. I think with encouragement from you guys, and with the new cutting and self-injury forum, I may be able to stick with my decision to stop.

~element

element,, Don't let me make you feel pressured, just know that you are not alone with this, but it solves nothing, trust me. okay? At least on this.

Looks like you're getting alot of support here, and that you have made friends with Angel, she is just that too. A very kind person from what I have known of her. I enjoy working with her in this forum.

Hey, you could do both, nursing only takes up 8 hours a day, but there are some shifts and opportunities to work 24 on and several days off. This is rare, but is possible like in ER or PEDs, or even urgent care units. I had to go to the urgent care the other night and met a nice lab tech, that had that shift, I couldn't believe she had been up 24 hours, and I let her draw on me. She was alert tho. I guess she is used to it.

I've thought about going back to it. ... but I enjoy staying home for a change. With my business it just took the work right out of me for awhile. Now I love to volunteer, and am thinking of volunteering at an equine center( they take care of horses), we raised them on our farm when I was your age. And they are great therapy. Plus I miss riding. I now live in the burbs. I miss the country.

I'm so glad you are feeling better today. Keep up that positive attitude , you're doing great.

Thanks!!

Angel is an angel and a great friend!! She's very nice and understanding. And all of you are very patient to put up with me. Pedrotater put up with me for a long time, but I don't think he get's on much anymore, which is understandable. But anyway, he kept pushing me to talk to my parents and go to a doctor or counselor, but I never did. I kind of feel bad about not going and getting help, but it's a lot easier said than done. Just like stopping this si thing. A lot easier said than done. I just hope I can stop. I think I'll be able to.

If I become a nurse, I think i would like to work with mentally ill patients. I'm sort of interested in that kind of thing, and I also think many mentally ill patients deserve better treatment than what they get. I've never been to a mental hospital, but I've heard a lot about certain ones. So anyway.

well, I have to go for now. I'll talk to you later,

~element

I feel really, really sick. My throat hurts, my nose is runny, and I think I'm getting a sinus infection. And to top that all off, I have to huge sores in my mouth, and they hurt almost every time I talk. I don't feel well at all. I was hoping i wouldn't get sick again until school was over. I'm really not gonna feel like doing school today. Sometimes I feel like everything is against me and trying to get in the way of my doing the one thing that I really want to do.

God, please make me feel better. I'm so sick of being sick. I just had the flue, and I don't feel like getting sick again. Please help me. Only 2 weeks and 2 days ago, I had to go to the doctor 'cuz we thought I had appendicitus.

Sorry. I know that my posts really aren't about wether I'm bipolar or not anymore, but they are about me, and a lot of it has to do wtih how I'm doing mentally.

~element

element.

as far as I'm concerned you can talk about you all you want. This is your topic, and it benefits you to vent. So you just vent away, I only ask that you protect yourself with personal imfo, but you are smart enough to know that.

I'm a protective moderator, and look out for the members and what they need.

You have my prayers today that you feel better. This flue, virus you have may be why you have been down earlier, I always get down before a flue or illness. I've convinced myself that I have to take care of myself physically to overcome some of my symptoms with bipolar. Diet, exercise and sleep and I have to drink lots of water. The lack of water is why I ended up @ urgent care, ironically I had broncitis last month, and after my antibiotics I fell to a low, not that they caused it, but it happens everytime. Seems like a coincidence, after all these years, I think not. But I had to take them. Now I'm looking at possible gallbladder problems.

The body breaks down when we are depressed, due to lack of exercise, and diet. So please take good care of yourself, and drink lots of water. I put lemon in mine, I don't care for water, hey, that's why I was sick. I have to learn that I have to do things I don't want to sometimes.

Not all hospitals for psych patients are bad, but if I prefer outpatient care, no matter how bad I have gotten, I've never been to a mental institution for treatment. Many have. I call the crisis hotline and talk for hours sometimes. They are wonderful people.

I have also been asigned a new psychologist. I'm pretty excited. I love to talk, and get things off my chest. He will work with my psychiatrist for the proper treatment, whether it be cognitive exercises and meds. or whatever it takes.

My last one sent me to dbt classes for my recovery of bpd, with the referrel of my psychiatrist. I like having both to watch me, and my case. It makes me feel more secure with my treatment.

As you might read some are against treatment, this is an individual choice. But considering all those years without it, and what my life was like then, I chose treatment. I can't go it alone.

Anyway, I'm rambling.....LOL. but you have my prayers dear.

Write us when you can. Don't push yourself, just get to feeling better and take care of YOU.

Gentle hugs,

I always drink a lot, so that's good. I'm feeling a lot better today, but still not great. Sorry to be gross, but I threw up a lot yesterday. I lost all of my supper. All i ate for breakfast yesterday was two bites of french toast. THankfully, I ate a cheeseburger (small one) and half a thing of fries, so I did get some calories to burn yesterday. I've lost down to 124-125 pounds. So that's good but bad. Good, because I've been wanting to lose weight, but bad because I had to get really sick to lose it.

I hope things go very well with your new psychologist.

Well, I don't mind your rambling at all. I ramble a lot too, and I also vent a lot. So if I can vent, you can ramble.

You were saying that the flue and this cold or whatever it is may have been making me depressed. I think you're probably right. I mean, I don't think it's causing my depression, but I do think it makes it worse. My nephew was acting sort of mean and he would not listen at all hardly the other day, and then the next day he was getting a sinus infection or something like that. So we figure that's what was causing him to act like that. My mom said that when I got chicken pox last year, I was in a very irratable mood. I think that may have been caused by the medication that I was on though. Now I'm rambling. lol

Thanks for praying for me. I'm feeling a lot better, but I'm still pretty sick. And I'm as weak as heck.

~element

element.

Just to let you know we are still here and listening and praying.

Can you take anything for the nausea? That is how I felt the other day, and it just down right hurt, I finally went to the urgent care unit and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Flu? Gallbladder, yadda yadda, but gave me some stuff to drink and the stomach pain went away, and then an RX for the nausea. I didn't fill the RX cause the stuff for the my stomach made the nausea go away, and the pain. I had no appetite either, til I took that drink they gave me, then I was starving. I think the water helped too. I was pretty dehydrated cuz water even made me sick. But I drank it anyway. yukkk. I hate water so much.

I've been taking tylenol for the pain too, and fever. Aspirin just hurts my stomach more. Is there a flu going nationwide that you know of?

Well, here's to your recovery.