suicide??

I have a question about suicide. I know that if someone has a bad disease such as cancer, and they are in more pain that they can take, and they kill themselves, it's not a result of mental illness. It just means that they were feeling so much physical pain that they didn't think they could stand it anymore. But if someone kills themself because they were in so much emotional pain that they didn't think they could cope with it, does that mean they definately had a mental illness?

So basically the question is, if someone kills themself because they were feeling so much emotional pain, did they definately have a mental illness?

If a person constantly has detailed thoughts of suicide and has a problem with self-injury (myself), do they definately have a mental illness?

So I guess that's two questions.

Do I take this to mean you are comtemplating suicide? Sweety...you really need to talk to your parents and get some counseling. Do you have a mental illness? Is that what worries you most? That if you go to counseling then they'll "diagnose" you and you'll have some label hanging over your head??? I don't know the dictionary definition of "mental illness" and I know there are others out there that are like me....who would say that everyone defines and views that term differently. What do you think of when you hear that word? What is worrying you about it? I think a person can be dealing w/ some short term stress and resulting depression and it does not have to imply they have a life long, non-cureable "mental illness". Ok, for example, I am diagnosed as dealing w/ "cyclothymia" and "OCPD". I'll never be completely free of these symptoms that led me to these two diagnosis. These are my "labels", if you will, to describe certain behaviors and emotions I deal w/ and it's mine life long. However I've come a long way in handling all this, coping w/ my emotions, how I handle things day to day, etc. etc. Where and how I am now is not the same person I was when I was first diagnosed. I've learned so much and my life is far better now then it was a few years ago...or even compared as far back as highschool.

You may be diagnosed w/ something complex and that will affect you life long....or it may be, more likely, that you are simply told you are dealing w/ a short term depression brought on by some of the stresses you've gone through in the last months or even over the last couple years. This can be delt w/ and it does not mean you'll have a "mental illness label" hanging over your head life long.

I honestly can't know what is to be determined for you and whether you are dealing w/ something like I just mentioned or something more lasting and complicated. I'm simply not a professional. I can only make guesses here based on what I've been through and seen in my own personal life! It's the best information I have to offer you.

But if you are feeling these things and now on top of all those emotions you are contemplating suicide...my dear....you simply have to push aside the worries of labels and talk to a professional who can help you through all this. Talk to your parents to start w/. And don't stop talking til someone takes you seriously. My friend Jason used to make little comments. I think that might have been part of his problem...that he made little comments and hoped someone could read into them and know his true intent/feelings...rather then just flat out sit down w/ someone and tell them like it truly was for him. People didn't take him seriously. I mean I'm sure that even you have had friends who go through something, say a break-up w/ a significant other or they get in trouble at school or they fail a class or big test...they feel so overcome w/ emotion by the situation that they say how much they just want to die...but in a few weeks ...sometimes just a day or so...they realize they can survive that issue and they bounce back and no longer are they talking about wanting to die. Might even admit they never really meant it...they just felt so low at that point it sounded good to say. Well when you know there are young people out there ...even adults really...who can react that way...it's hard to know when to take a person at face value and not ignore them. Especially if they don't lay it on you 100% like you truly feel ...rather then hiding behide little comments hoping someone will figure it out. Please don't do that. Jason did that...and then he just finally gave up and did the ultimate. God I miss him.

Talk more here...we'll do the best by you to support you...but in the end....fixing it has to be up to you.

Don't worry, I'm not contemplating suicide. I was just simply wondering about that. I'm actually feeling pretty good today. It's friday, so that probably has something to do with it. I was feeling better last night too, after being pretty bad depressed. I hate these mood swings. I honestly don't believe I'm bipolar (although I don't know), but I am having some bad mood swings. Thankfully, right now, I'm not going through any extreme feelings. I'm actually a little apathetic. I used to hate apathy, but I think it was because I was really feeling depressed, but didn't want to admit to being depressed so much. This apathy feels nice though. I wouldn't call it true happiness, but it's an okay feeling. This is part of the reason that I don't think I'm bipolar--I'm not always in a major extreme. Sometimes I'm just happy, and sometimes I'm apathetic.

I'm not really too worried about if I have a mental illness or not. It's just that if I know I do, then I know I need help. Right now, I'm not sure if I really need help or not. I mean, if I get out of control, then I can get help (hopefully that won't happen), but right now I'm not out of control. I don't think I would ever kill myself. I just think about it a lot. When I get depressed and stuff. And it sounds so good at those times. But I don't want to hurt anyone. And it would hurt my family if I killed myself. And even though I get mad at them sometimes, I would never want to do that to them. I love them. I think the biggest fear that I have concerning all of this is that it would be hard for them to accept the fact that I need help or whatever. And I don't want to tell them that I need help, unless I'm 100% sure that I do. And I really don't even want to ask them at all. They'd make such a big deal out of it. I don't even like for them to know when I'm depressed. I hate for my sister to know. I hate for anyone to know. And I hate it when they ask what I'm depressed about. Sometimes I don't know what I'm depressed about. And right now, my family thinks I'm fine. I don't want to tell them that I'm not. They probably wouldn't believe me, and it'd be even worse if they did. I wish so bad that I could just get help without them knowing about it. I know I can't though. If I get help, they're gonna have to know about it. That really sucks. I'm always scared that they'll find this website, and find out that I'm on here. I'm scared it would make them feel bad. And I don't know. I'm embarrassed about the cutting, hitting and everything. I was embarrassed when I told my mom about the suicidal thoughts. No one wants to hear their kid say stuff like that. I wish I could just get over being scared, and ask my mom to take me to the doctor. Then I could find out if something is wrong (mental illness) with me, and if I really need help.

Honestly, I think having a label would be a lot easier than not having any idea. Even if the label is "normal". I wish I could take some kind of on-line quiz/test, that would tell me if I need to get help or not.

I'm sorry that I scared you. I'm okay right now. I don't know how I'll be later. I don't think I'd ever try to kill myself, but I can't stand the fact that I even think about it. And I know this has to be frustrating for you guys. But you've been patient with me. Thank you. I don't think I'm gonna be able to get help any time soon. Maybe after I'm 18, so no one will know. I wouldn't care if some of my friends would know, but not my family. I know they would love me no matter what, and that if they found out, they'd probably do even more to make me feel loved. But I just do not want them to know.

And what I meant by mental illness was something that could be treated. I think that's what I meant anyway.

Maybe my only problem is hormones and stress and stuff. And if that is the case, then why would I need to go to the doctor?

Thank you for responding.

~element

I wanted to change one thing that I said before. I said that by mental illness I meant something that could be treated. Well, I really meant something like a chemical imbalance or something of that sort. Something that can be diagnosed.

~element

On-line tests are only guides and you should always follow up w/ a professional. Those results are not 100% conclusive.

You often mention the thought of whether or not you might be bipolar, usually stating you feel you are not! Please understand how very complex and hard this is to diagnose. Often diagnosed in adult hood because they simply need a larger history to work w/ then if you are a child or adolesent. Not saying there are not cases of those younger then adulthood who are diagnosed. But many professionals will stress that this is a very complex thing to diagnose. I'd question any professional who rushed to that conclusion after only one or a few brief sessions w/ a person! JUST MY OPINION!!

Mood swings are found in many things...yes, mood swings are one symptom of bipolar. However there is a way those mood swings are displayed and so many other factors involved. I have rapids mood swings...it's hard to explain...but I'm no where near being "bipolar". W/ what I go through, it's so much milder...for lack of a better way to put it...that I'm considered to be dealing w/ cyclothymia.

There are so many symptoms that are a part of so many different diagnosis. The best thing you can do is seek out the advice of a professional for the most accurate picture!

I know I should probably go see a professional, but I'm just so scared. I don't want to. I'm not afraid of talking to a doctor or counselor. I'm not afraid of being labeled really. I'm just afraid of how my parents will respond to everything. Sometimes i convince myself that it will all be okay, but then when I try to tell my mom, I just get so nervous that I can't do it. 'cuz I know that once I've told her, I can't take it back. And I'll try so hard to force the words out, but all I can do is sit there. We are usually in the car when I try to tell her. I do n't know why, but I just get so nervous that I can't do it. I've learned to accept the fact that I might get labeled, I may have to take medication, and I may have to continue seeing an expensive counselor/doctor for a long time. I don't likt the thoughts of those things, but I'm willing to accept them. It's just this whole things with my family. I'm not ready to accept that yet. I dont' want them to know that I think I need help. I don't want them to know how bad things get for me at times. I just don't know what to do. I know that I should just trust God to take care of me. If I tell my parents, he's gonna help me through it. He's not just gonna make me handle it on my own. He loves me. But it's just hard to trust that everything will be okay if I tell them. Well, everything won't be okay. But everything's not gonna be terrible either. Things will actually start to get better (hopefully) if I talk to a doctor. I know I should just trust God 'cuz he knows what he's doing. But it's hard for me. I don't really know what I'm so afraid of. I'm very confused right now. Confused about almost everything. I'm going through major changes right now, and it's hard for me to distinquish what's okay/acceptable/normal and what's not. I know self-injury isn't. And I don't think the suicidal thoughts are (even though my parents say they are), but I just don't know. Maybe I can grow out of this and I'll be okay when I'm older. Maybe not. Maybe I can, but only with help. How am I supposed to know? I'm just a kid. I'm a teenager, and with all of these changes going on, I'm confused. I hope I can figure this all out. I think you're right about me needing to see a professional. I'm just scared.

I only have one side of one page left in my journal thingy. I only started off with 11 sheets (after using it for something else), and now I'm almost through. I have about 60 entries some of which are longer than others. I think I'm gonna start a new one when I finish.

I have a question. Should I save my notebook/journal in case I do see a doctor? Should I let them see it?

~element

Hi element,

I just got a thought, maybe someone has already suggested this. You seem to have a hard time telling your mother about how you feel. Did you ever try writing her a letter saying what you what to tell her? You can just hand her the letter or the act of writing the letter will give you the practice you need to give you the courage to talk to her. It is just a suggestion. I know that people do these things, and it works for them. I have trouble getting my thoughts together when I talk to people, but if I write about what I want to say, it is much easier to talk to them. I often have to share my story of recovery from alcoholism at AA meetings. I might have to talk to a hundred people for 40 minutes or more. I find if I write about what I want to say a day or so before, it always goes easier. The words I want to say come to me--otherwise I will get lapses and forget things.
Good Luck,
Jim S

Thanks, that's a great idea!! I don't know if it'll work or not, but it is most definately worth a shot!! Thank you very much. Great idea.

Things are pretty weird for me today.

I just feel really odd. I'm kind of depressed. I keep feeling like I don't want to live but I don't want to die either. This isn't nearly as bad as it gets at times though. I would rather not want to live or die, than just want to die. Know what I mean? I haven't had any suicidal thoughts today and I haven't hurt myself or even really thought about it much. So that's good. I just hope my day doesn't get any worse. I've been getting down a lot lately. And today, I knew some of the things that are probably causing it, but I didn't know what was causing it for the moment. I mean nothing in particular was bothering me. I just felt really depressed. I felt so bad emotionally that it made my stomach hurt and I thought I was gonna throw up. I felt lonely and just really sad. I'm sick of being home-schooled, but I'm also nervous about next year. Oh,well.

I don't think I have a mental illness. I don't think I need help at all. I don't know if I'm gonna keep posting on here or not. I don't want my mom to find it...or my sister. I'll try to at least keep you updated a little though. I'll drop in every now and then to just say I'm still alive or whatever. I may not stop posting at all, but I don't know. I just don't want my mom to find this. And I no longer think I have a mental illness. And I don't think I even need counseling. At least no more than every other teenager in the world. So anyway. C U later.

~element

I can sort of relate to some of your recent feelings. A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine and he said that he was not happy, but he was not sad either. It made me think that I'm that way sometimes. My moods do not swing up and down so violently anymore, but by floating around the middle ground of happiness, I do not have the super highs that I got when I was full blown bipolar or high on drugs. Maybe, I need to get used to just feeling OK most of the time with only a few times of being in the sky.


I'm sick of being home-schooled, but I'm also nervous about next year. Oh,well.

I could easily see a teen aged girl being sick of home-schooling. It is sure different then the social events at school. I would guess it would be like watching a movie compared to reading a book. School can be full of friends and excitement. You can probably learn a lot more by being home-schooled, but you may be missing out of a lot of fun. I also can understand you being nervous about next year. I'm sure I would be and that just about everyone at any age would be a bit nervous.

I don't think I have a mental illness. I don't think I need help at all. I don't know if I'm gonna keep posting on here or not. I don't want my mom to find it...or my sister. I'll try to at least keep you updated a little though. I'll drop in every now and then to just say I'm still alive or whatever. I may not stop posting at all, but I don't know. I just don't want my mom to find this. And I no longer think I have a mental illness. And I don't think I even need counseling. At least no more than every other teenager in the world. So anyway. C U later.

You might be right on the money with your assesment, but we all would like to hear how you are doing from time to time.
Jim S