Am I bipolar?

When I was in 8th grade, I experienced severe episodes of mania followed by severe depression. I would be suicidal and self hating one day, and extremely hyper and talkative the next. I remember talking so fast and slurring my words together. When I went to the doctor, he started me on Zoloft. My mother said it was depression and I was just a hormonal teenager.

I tried zoloft and it made me almost suicidal.

Then, I tried many different medications. The medication that worked best for me was Lithium. I was on it for 3 years at 900 mg. It seemed to work perfectly and regulate my mood, but I had to go off of it due to a thyroid problem. The best combonation for me was Lithium and Welbutrin.

My main problem lately is depression. Very bad. I haven't experienced the mania since 8th grade (now I am a senior) so I was kind of comfortable with the diagnosis I was given of major depression. Now I just started Prozac. I tried to live pill free after lithium, but I just couldn't do it. I was too depressed to almost the point of suicide.

When I told my psychiatrist about this new medicine, I told him I feel good usually but every week or so I get a really really down depressed mood in which I feel hopeless which actually can drive me to suicidal. He brought up the whole bipolar thing.

I asked him what my diagnosis was and he said major depression and eating disorder, but he said he always has been keeping the bipolar idea in his mind. He said even though I don't experience the mania, the fact that the suicidal feeling happens once WEEKLY troubles him and makes him think back to bipolar.

It got me wondering if I am or not. Bipolar?

I have always had two drastically different sides to me it seems. Half of me wants to better myself completely and live very healthily and better myself. I feel pretty and happy and smart. And the other half of me wants to completely self destruct, and kill away my body. I feel like the ugliest peice of $#%^ in the world.

Is this just how I am, or am I bipolar? I can't tell if it's my personality or a disease sometimes. Any input?

When I went to the psychologist for the first time, she didnt tell me what was wrong with me , but asked if I wanted medication. I asked what was wrong. She said it was an imbalance. I told her that imbalances are normal - a shotput athlete might have a strong arm and a weak arm, a gymnast might have strong arms and thin legs - Why does my imbalance need medication? She couldnt explain, and I never went back to her.

2 days later, I went to another psychologist (yes, things were bad!). He listened to me for 10 minutes, said it was bipolar, and made an appointment with the psychiatrist. I asked him why my imbalance needed medication. The bottom line is whether or not your imbalance is preventing you from functioning normally in society. Everyone has ups and downs, but if they are preventing you from being productive, then they need treatment.

And ask other people whether your moods are a problem. In my case, I was apparently the last to know - i thought it was my personality.