New comer

So i just admitted to myself that i am bipolar(probably mixed episode)...have been for years, but didn't know it. I was sorta diagnosed about 6 months ago and given medication (lamictal, lexapro and hydroxyz HCl), which was effective until i stopped taking the medication due to stigmas and the fact that i found the answers i'd been looking for, after i destroyed my life...really destroyed my life...and didn't see the point in working my butt off to be sane while living a MORE than crappy life. Here recently, i have been given the smallest opportunity possible to regain what i had been working towards, so i'm back taking part of the medication and setting up psychiatric appointments/group meetings. While i'm excited about finally knowing what's wrong with me and have the ability to change what needs to inside, i find myself 95% depressed about what's going on outside in my life.

Just had to send this out into the great cyber void..i keep my emotions too bottled up.

What was your original diagnosis? If it was actually bipolar, then i'm surprised that you were given Lexapro. Lexapro is a SSRI, and they are renowned for making bipolar worse. Lamictal is the more common medication for bipolar out of the ones you've mentioned. The impression I get from your post is that you were diagnosed with anxiety or/and depression, and have only now self-diagnosed bipolar.

Kevin

I know how you feel.
When I got diagnosed, I f*cked around with my meds.
I didn't really want to feel normal, I just wanted my mother to stop asking me what was wrong with me.
The meds made me feel numb, in my opinion... so I monkeyed around with dosages and things until I caused liver damage.
My excessive drinking didn't help.
So... they (my shrinks) have decided I'm no longer a medication candidate.
In the process of regaining control over myself and my moods, I cut myself off from my friends, slept around, did this, that and the other things... attempted suicide... again... I've done that one a lot...
Anyway,... I ruined my life...
But I've put it back together... Not completely, but it's getting there.

You'll be okay...
I promise.

Newly diagnosed here. I for a long time had convinced myself it wasnt me, it was my husband. But i really have progressed very far this past yr or two to the point i was rreally screwing up a lot and it became undeniable that i needed help. Thing is, i knew years ago as a teen something was very wrong and my mom didnt get me help and i dropped it. And its been like 12-13 years and now i am pretty sure i rapid cycle(seems i cycle every 4-6 weeks) now and may have mixed episodes. If i had just gotten help before maybe it wouldnt have gotten so bad.

Anyhow i just started lamictal and celexa. Like last night. The celexa has been awful since the first dose this am. Shaky, nauseaus right after, tired. Ugh.

And yes, i dont know my exact diagnosis (I II or NOS) but after the doc read some more of my symptoms and about my episode tuesday and all he specifically mentioned bipolar and added lamictal to my meds. First visit he said depression and was only going yo give me the celexa but i put it off because i knew i was probably bipolar. It runs in my family, as does schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, alcoholism, and depression. I am genetically loaded. And my poor kids are loaded on both sides as my father in law was severely bipolar I and my sis in law is also bipolar. I think my hubbys grandfather was schizophrenic as well, so yeah my kids are so screwed!

I appreciate the stories and advice i've received.

At first i was Dx with Depression (after my suicide attempt & hospitalization) but then i went to see a nurse practitioner who Dx me with BD NOS due to my financial choices, SI, mind racing, reckless behavior (continual over dosing over the span of 3yrs), lack of meaningful relationships or any at all (i cant keep a friend and the ones who do try to stick around, i blow off, even family members) and my family history of mental illness: moms MAJOR Manic Depressive (to the point it's seriously embarrassing), handful of MI relatives on fathers side...ever since i was 14 i've been suicidal due to personal issues and feeling like i was different and alone...everyone thought i was strange going from days where i was really excited to days when i didnt want to talk to anyone at all...to this day, i cant hold a normal conversation without freaking out internally and excusing myself

The med combo may contradict but they did help a lot (i felt a sense of normalcy for the first time in my life). Now im taking only lamictal and have noticed an improvement in concentration (mind doesnt race as much) and sleep pattern...i normally stay up to 4am but now im off to bed around 12:30

Am i bipolar? Probably so b/c the meds seem to work. What type? No idea..

I dont think it is important whether you are bipolar or not, or what type. If you have a problem, and the medication helps, take it.

I spent many years wondering whether I was bipolar, or if this was normal. Eventually I gave in, and went to the doctor - how embarassing! It wasnt nearly as bad as I had expected. It took him 10 minutes to tell me that I wasnt "normal" on that day. I was very impressed Lamictal at first, but I wonder whether is is wearing off now. Maybe I am just more aware of the moods. The depression is not as bad, but the good days are very good!

I totally understand the social stuff. There are days i am so withdrawn even around those i know well. And other days i am very social and ecstatic about life. It makes it hard on my friends i think because i will push them away, they will stop inviting me to do things and then my feelings get hurt.

I am at one of those moments where i question if thete is even anything up with me. I can remember the swings and the feelings, the anxiety, impulsive choices, erratic behavior, but when i feel reasonably normal i think maybe it just wasnt as bad as i thought and was a phase... Nevermind a phase that has lasted since i was a teen and has gotten worse. I see why people go off meds. I have had to fight desires to give up therapy and psych appointments and to say screw it to the meds and i have JUST begun.

I thought it was a teenage phase too but my emotions just got worse all the way through college...been ignoring everything i've done and felt up until now...after talking it out, i see how intense my disorder(s) really is/are...1st psych appointment with new Dr. is next week and this time i'm going to talk about everything for clarity and therefore better treatment options...although i may be hospitalized, again...hate that.

charlie123 wrote:I dont think it is important whether you are bipolar or not, or what type. If you have a problem, and the medication helps, take it.

Charlie's right.
It's doesn't matter what your exact diagnosis is, so long as the treatment works.
The drugs can cross diagnosis.
Lamictal is for seizures and bipolar...
Doesn't matter which you have so long as the meds work and you feel better. ^_^

Right?

I also was going to praise what charlie123 said, which can be summed up as: take your meds and get on with your life. The only time I really started to make headway in my recovery was whenI just put my head down, took my anti depressant, and got on with my life.

cantbelieveIdidTHAT wrote:I thought it was a teenage phase too but my emotions just got worse all the way through college...been ignoring everything i've done and felt up until now...after talking it out, i see how intense my disorder(s) really is/are...1st psych appointment with new Dr. is next week and this time i'm going to talk about everything for clarity and therefore better treatment options...although i may be hospitalized, again...hate that.

I'd really like someone to come to me and explain what exactly a teenage 'phase' really maens. I think this term is used around too much to pass off genuine problems as being nothing important. A problem is a problem, whether you are a baby, a teenager, or an octogenarian.