Bipolar I or Bipolar II? Anything else?

Hey, I skimmed through many articles on Bipolar, SSRIs, Manic episodes, etc., and now am confused on how to diagnose myself. I experience mixed moods quite severely. During my mixed moods, I have no ambition, can't find joy in anything, and find it nearly impossible to fix myself. My longest lasting mixed mood state of mind was 4-5, maybe 6 days, until I decided to begin taking my Lamictal. After beginning my Lamictal, I started feeling much, much better. Right now I'm experiencing the first layer of a mixed mood because I missed today's dose, though it is mostly manageable.

My bipolar seemed to kick in strongly after I was prescribed Zoloft (SSRI), an anti-depressant. My second day of taking this anti-depressant I woke up at 4am, wide awake with overwhelming energy, all my actions were twice the speed as well as my thoughts. My thoughts were random, abnormal, and mostly violent. The only thought I remember from the night is: "Put two girls in one bag, put one girl in another bag, smash the bags together, break their bones and crush their skulls." Note that I am a very kind & gentle person, and only hurt people when it is absolutely necessary to protect myself or others. I don't even hurt people verbally/emotionally. After about an hour and half of this manic episode, I told myself: "Jake, you are the same person you've always been, and always will be." A few minutes later I came to sense, was in the normal exhausted state a person would be waking up at 4am, and passed out asleep like it never happened. When my anxieties are gone, I tend to be an asshole though, and I'm a quite happy person. I believe I'm in a state of hypomania when I'm not experiencing anxieties, though my last obvious hypomanic episode was 3-4 months ago, unless you include last Thursday where I counted 23 beers in my stomach within an hour & half The hangover and preceding days were days of a pretty severe mixed mood.

I have noteworthy talents, especially in the fields of art and literature. Every once in a while, if I allow my mind to fall within itself, I have auditory hallucinations (mainly voices & music. The music isn't music already composed, just random stuff. The music is normally pretty chill & relaxing). My mind visualizes like nobody's business, even sometimes with a single blink my mind will produce some random art. I visualize almost constantly when there is nothing to distract my mind. I'm a track star, football captain, type in excess of 150 words per minute, web designer/coder, gamer, and excel in anything I attempt.

I have severe social anxiety. I noticed that my mood stabilizers place me in a better, happier mindset, but my social anxieties become worse.

I've been through my drug days, and due to my instability, have forced myself to quit drugs for good. I've only used Shrooms and Marijuana. Shrooms don't make me feel too bad, though marijuana, every time, puts me in extremely terrible mindsets. I believe I've actually had a manic episode while high once. My high lasted beyond four hours (it wasn't laced, my buddy smoked the same stuff and was ready to pack another bowl an hour later, I said '###$ NO!'). In this high, my sentences and words were jumbled, my voice quavered, and my body shook terribly. I was able to re-live emotions/feelings in the past with strong intensity as well. This began around 12am, and I couldn't pass out until 3:30. Every time I use to smoke & get high, I would have a bad high with INTENSE visualizations. There was one other drug I've done similar to an LSD high, though composed of completely different chemicals. During this high, there were two different voices (both creepy as ###$) conversing between each other for nearly 20 minutes until I realized 'Wow, this isn't normal', and brought myself back to reality.

I also have dyslexia pretty decently bad, though 95% of the time I catch my dyslexic mistakes, due to my over-analysis of everything.

One last thing I can think of right now is when my mind is deadset on thinking something through, it seems as if I phase rapidly between two completely different tracks of thought. For example, I'll have a solid thought going through my head, 15-30 seconds later I'll play a song that I like in my head and completely forget about my track of thought, 5 seconds later I'll return from where I left off in the previous thought. This cycle can last throughout the entire process of thought, or until I find something physical to keep my mind on track, such as browsing the web.

Thanks.

Hey Jake (?),

i'm no expert in the area of bipolar, but something tells me that what you're describing is more bipolar I than II. What was the official diagnosis from your doc?; or did he/she just say 'bipolar'? I can make things a little clearer for you too: THe SSRI you took understandably made you feel worse, because that's what SSRIs do to people with bipolar. Lamictal, however, is a recognised drug for bipolar and it therefore makes sense that you feel better on it.

Why I think it's more bipolar I than II is the bit you mentioned in your second paragraph. It's kind of 'psychotic' or 'paranoia' (sorry if these terms sound too severe to use), and that's a feature of the mania in bipolar I. Such episodes don't feature in bipolar II as far as I know.

Take care dude,
Kevin

The only difference between Bipolar I and Bipolar II is whether you hit mania or hypomania.

I have mania... which comes, for me, with hallucinations, totally ridiculous thoughts including that I can fly and basically once I'm up there there's no pulling me back down.

If you're not that extreme, you're tyoe II.

So, Bipolar I is manic episodes and then normal or depressed episodes?; while Bipolar II is hypomanic and then normal/depressed episodes? I've read a few different artiucles about it and I'm none-the-wiser. I read that some don't even like to think of there being a Bipolar I and II, and instead just see there as being a scale of severity (re: bipolar).

Kevin

Bipolar I is full blown mania to depression... The cycle is normal, mania, depression, normal.
The periods of time vary.
I lose track of the normals because I tend to confused normal with mania... mania is my "happy"...

Bipolar II is hypomania to depression and cycles the same as Bipoalr I.

I cycle backwards... I get depressed, then manic, then level out for a while, I'm told.
Which is neat, I guess... doesn't matter which way you cycle... still sucks..
Lol.

That's how you 'cycle'? - I cycle with my feet on two pedals [on a bicycle]. Sorry to joke... ...Anyway, thank you for explaining that though - it's clearer in my head about it now. Sometimes you just need someone who is actually suffering from the condition to explain it most clearly.

Anytime.
It's what I'm here for.

I don't believe in bicicling...
Those seats hurt my butt....
And I'm balance-impaired anyway.

Smilexx- i think i am like you. Thinking back i always seem to reach my high states after my low ones, not before. And i rarely feel normal. Not for more than a couple of days, anyhow, before i get anxious, jumpy, panicky, angry, full of negative energy,etc. I think i might have mixed episodes. Dont know for sure, but whatever they are they are awful and seem to come before and after depressive periods. Which i guess in a way actually makes sense. Depressed mixed hypo mixed depressive. It also means i spend a LOT of time in that most awful state.

Thanks for the responses. I just up'd my dose to 50mg of Lamictal, now instead of being in a terrible, hopeless mood where thoughts of suicide come into play, it seems as if I have a mixed mood of dull & hope-for-happy, and I easily become more angry with people & react upon it in an abrasive manner. Before mood stabilizers I could look a person in the eye for about a second every 30-60 seconds of conversation, now it seems as if its impossible to look a guy in the eye, best friend/family or not.

I can give a speech in my mind lasting forever, though if I put it into words I'll mix, jumble, and confuse myself and others around me, then lose track after the first or second idea. I wish there was a sort of mind reading machine that prints my mind's words out on paper and use that as my method of socializing

I may have mentioned this before...
But in case I haven't...

You have to realize that sometimes normal people feel nothing.
It's not happy or sad or anything... it's just... I'm here...
Their level of happy doesn't even begin to touch our hypo/mania either...

It's a really big adjustment that I was never able to make.
I just couldn't deal with it because in my world the mania is the only feeling that I particularly enjoy...
Until recently when I've been able to hit "joyful" and "perky" without going manic...
Yay B12... and homeopathy...
^_^

But you have to keep in mind that while a bipolar feels mania, depression and what we call normal...
Normal people, and medicated bipolars, feel happy, sad, content, nothing, and an array of other emotions that bipolars just kind of bypass... It's kind of a slap in the face...