I admire her...

I had never realized how meaningless my existence was until that point, or the fact that I was literally the bottom of the food chain if it weren't for my "owners". People that took pity. I was lucky enough and privileged to be born into a country that was like that, but at the same time, the feelings of inferiority are always there and being less than. Too dumb to do anything, and too smart to see it. That's what it's like to be average.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 5:56 pm --

I'd be lying if I didn't say I hadn't wished death on them, and that's the guilt I feel everyday, that they probably have never felt for "me".

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 5:58 pm --

I'm not allowed to say those things, and that's what really sucks.

There was a time when girls bullied me there and it was normal or okay, but one night I lost my $#%^ because a girl cutthroat me at my table, and I went around the club and asked for quarters and threw quarters all at her stage...which is something that had previously been done to me by a man there.

I was literally given dirty looks and the whole "you're such a bitch" blah blah blah by workers and bouncers, the same people that had no problem when *other* girls did that $#%^.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:07 pm --

People be like why do people gossip? Because when we say what we feel or tell them to their face, they don't care or take it seriously...while I literally walk away with my tale between my legs and my face down when I feel I've done something bad or wronged someone.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:10 pm --

for example:

I worked at this place a while back and everyone else started using this terrible word that shouldn't be used, and I knew that, but then I guess I felt influenced because everyone around me was doing it and saying it. I said it for the first time one day, and was told that I shouldn't say that, and how repulsive it was, but when other people had said it over and over and over again, nothing was said perhaps because their position of authority or their dominating nature etc, but when I said it I was shamed, and had to walk out of the room with my head down and embarrassed.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:11 pm --

I was singled out for something people had been doing for months? Why? Perhaps because I looked like easy prey.

And the whole contouring #######4 with make up and fb viral videos...

just a cover for #######4.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:21 pm --

Oh, some people actually think they did that to be nice to us? LOL

Nope. Saving their own ass.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:25 pm --

I feel guilt everyday for not being as "nice" as I'm expected and supposed to be for someone so disillusioned by everything.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:28 pm --

People be like "oh they are so cool and badass"

But when it comes to people like me "she's just so ugly and mean and whiney".

But it's okay, because "i just say what everyone else is thinking and is afraid to say"

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:32 pm --

That's what *they* say right?

except when I do, I'm called a complete psycho and jealous freak shamed by all society.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:33 pm --

Yes, we are jealous and rightly so. There is some honesty for yo ass.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 6:35 pm --

Most people are too afraid to say they are jealous out of fear of being called a psycho or freak...not me, because my feelings are VALID.

and yes we are jealous...

We are taught from a young age that the beautiful princess will be rescued by the prince, but if men are dominant and stronger and they control everything, they will only rescue or protect the *beautiful* princess which they prove over and over again.

I don't want to be rescued, but if men really are in control and dominant over most things, the rest of us are pretty much screwed.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:14 pm --

It's not about romance...it's about survival.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:21 pm --

And they think by telling us "you're so pretty" and "smart and funny" that it makes things cool, but it's not.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:23 pm --

We don't believe you anymore. Haven't for a couple decades or way more?

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:24 pm --

Just say, you feel sorry for us.

Like one big "pity **** party" by our owners to remind us of our "position" in life.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:28 pm --

Tell that to all the single mothers out there, while men be romancing women like they on a damn easter egg hunt and dropping eggs.

And there is no forgiveness for that. You flaunted all this #######4 in our faces our whole lives (I'm 34 now), ruined bascially our whole outlook on life, self esteem, ambition, motivation, virtue, literally everything, and think "well just think positive" Maybe for some people that works...

But for some of us, we don't even know what happiness means anymore. There's not a therapist on this earth that can fix the damage caused,.I don't care if other people deal with it and things are good for them. I don't care. That doesn't make my feelings about the world any less valid.

-- Fri Aug 26, 2022 7:47 pm --

And I'm drunk, and I don't care I post too much and no one responds. Because I ######6 hate everything, and life is depressing, confusing, difficult to comprehend, and #######4.

I don't want to do anything at all anymore.