The loneliness killing me....

The problem with me is I know I have a problem but don't know how to express it. I am captured with so many thoughts and feelings at the same time that I really have no idea how to deal with this problem. At times I feel happy, then sad, angry, envious, irritating, high self esteem and then suddenly low self esteem. I have no one to talk to.. Or may be I have people but I am not feeling comfortable in talking to them becoz nothing can help me out of my despair. When I was 18 I lost my best friend. She was my family. When I was 19 I got cheated by my boyfriend whom I used to love so much. At the age of 23 I lost my father, then my grandma. In this way I lost myself slowly and slowly. I got rejected by so many people in my life. They just treated me like I am no better than anything. I have nothing special in me. Most importantly, people used my emotions to feed theirs. At one moment they treat me nice as if I belong to them, or I am an important one. The next moment they just dnt know me at all. I feel like a trash can. I have tried so many things to ignore all the stuff and live happily according to what I desire. But then I find myself pretending to stay happy. Actually I am not really happy. I feel alone. I dont like talking to anyone. My cousin used to feel jealous of me but I never felt that for her. But the thing is today she is so happy in her world that I feel jealous of her. She has hurt people with her words and actions and still she gets to Iive happily. While I have never treated people badly, never caused harm to anyone, still I lost so many people in my life. I have no family, no love, no career (although I am working on it), most importantly, I a 32 year old woman who feels true love would never happen to me in this life, since people are double standard these days. I am just dying in my own thoughts. Getting irritated angry moody. Everything feels so frustrating these days. I dont know what to do.