bipolar trauma (from someone in remission) TW: s/h

hi all,

When i was 17-18-19-20 my bipolar 2 disorder was an extremely heavy burden on my life. I was hospitalized frequently for suicide attempts, botched self harm jobs, and one psychotic break that left me incapacitated for months.
But then, once i had nothing to lose (no friends, no school, no job, just my parents), i got a therapist i liked, then a psychiatrist. tried a few different medications, found one that really helped, went back to school, got a wonderful boyfriend, moved out, got my license (all things i thought impossible doctors told me not to expect from myself since i was so sick)

Now im 25, i have a masters degree, im married to a wonderful man, own a house, have a high paying job i love, and most importantly, havent had a s/h relapse or any episode in almost 4 years!!!!

Here's the kicker:
I still have nightmares about the worse years of my bipolar. when i have them they are all night violent painful nightmares.
I also avoid talking about my past to anyone, in fact no one in my life knows other than my parents, husband, and support team. if i do think about it, i have to find ways to self soothe (which i have mastered with my therapist like watching my favoirte movie with my favorite snack)

my question: Could it be possible to have trauma from bipolar disorder episodes in your past? does anyone have nightmares, panic attacks, avoidance about episodes or aspects of BP like s/h hospital, etc.?

gabbygabby12 wrote:my question: Could it be possible to have trauma from bipolar disorder episodes in your past? does anyone have nightmares, panic attacks, avoidance about episodes or aspects of BP like s/h hospital, etc.?

I think so.
Some professionals consider me Bipolar II, and I experience similar from going through past severe psychotic symptoms (not necessarily episodes for the most part though) as well as having been in psychwards, etc. and having been under "the care of" certain mental health professionals in the past (I also have trauma diagnoses not connected to this among other things).
Like you, I have to find ways to self-regulate myself when triggers and retraumatization episodes come up; they can be completely debilitating at times.

A masters degree would be lovely to have, btw - it's admirable that you persevere through your challenges