My highs are great my lows..

My mania is the most amazing thing ever, i embrace these feelings i get now lets talk about my lows.
My lows dont manifest themselves as Depression or sadness., i hear about people in the low end that cant climb out of bed or lie facedown on the carpet not able to move or even worse wanting to hurt themselves and i feel sorry for these people BUT my lows have never and im 46 years old only 2 times in my life did i ever get suicidal and that was more than 20 years ago.
My lows manifest themselves as HATE, RAGE, Anger...uncrontrollable fantasys of "getting justice" for those that i think wronged me, engrossed in very detailed ways i will "make them regret" ever doing me injustice.
I also think iam a narcissist, and i think this "narc" in me is actually protecting me from wanting to hurt myself...i mean why would i hurt myself ? i have a god complex you dont hurt a god you lash out at everyone else right?
so the "narc" in me is protecting me?
or
does anyone elses lows manifest themselves in a similar way or am i just unique in this?

I have very intense feelings at times. Super happy or super angry. My body reacts such as in my demeanor shows I'm pissed off, and I can't just easily shut it off, this look I have on my face, but just give me time and I'll be calmer. In my case I have very intense moods whether I'm manic or depressed or hypomanic, just am this way. My feelings of getting justice can indeed become feeling the need to have justice, but that's all they are, are thoughts that go away eventually. Just feel very angry. Also feeling dysphoria is a symptom of bipolar such as in depression or mania, or even hypomania. Opposite of euphoria. I can become dysphoric in different states of bipolar. Deeply intense. Add psychosis and I need to be hospitalized, possibly because I need to treat symptoms and be stable again. I know I'm not a danger to myself or others but it indeed needs to be taken care of asap, in this case. Been there done that type of thing, so I sorta understand a bit of feeling those feelings in such an intense way.

Do some research on mixed episodes, what you describe sounds a lot like my mixed states with all sorts of unpleasant feelings combined with grandiosity, impulsivity, etc.
The narcissist thing could be possible, but if you only have that "god complex" during highs and lows I would say it's more of a bipolar-thing, which can be pretty common.
Not everyone wants to hurt themselves or can't get out of bed during lows. I have two types of depression I call "pure depression" (which is the low energy, self hating type) and "agitated depression" (which is feeling like crap but having energy, rage, anger, etc).

thanks for the replies
good to know im not alone

When coming down from mania after doing a bunch of reckless shenanigans I’ll often get to the low where I can’t get out of bed for a few days.

The thoughts of anger, resentment, vengefulness and wanting justice is me most days of the year. I’ve gotten out of my car to fight at an intersection on dozens of occasions because someone will cut me off then have the audacity to flip ME off. My blood will be boiling for the rest of the day. Weeks later I’ll still be thinking about it and hoping I see the coward again.

I’ve gotten into so many fist fights I’ve petty stuff it’s not even funny for “justice”

That’s just a scratch on the surface.

I’m nearly always in the mood you describe.

Earle