Still in denial

I'm still in denial after 4 hospitalizations within 4 years and 2 during my adolescent (group home) of having Bipolar. I don't have mood swings. I was depressed(dysphoric) for years and had extreme anxiety was diagnosed with GAD and my anxiety went away after a year in therapy( extremely Cathartic every time I went- I bottled everything) but I went Manic( diagnosed for the 1st time with Bipolar in 2015) for the first time in 2015 while in therapy- first time I felt good in my life (euphoria). My manic episode lasted less than 2 days before I went into the hospital where I was sedated with Zyprexa. They said I had Schizoaffective, then my local psychiatrist said I had bipolar 2. I was given Risperdal I took this drug when I was 10 unbeknownst to me at the time, but after reading evaluation I found the same psychiatrist that diagnosed me with bipolar gave it to me as a child while my brain was still developing( that is the most terrible thing to do to a developing child). Anyway Ive been since a kid diagnosed with PTSD (trauma from my upbringing), CD, ODD, ADHD, GAD( 2015), Bipolar 2, then Bipolar 1, Schizoaffective Bipolar type. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I was on Depakote 1500mg and Ripserdal 1mg but the headaches were so painful from the Depakote I got off from it. They keep putting me on Depakote but im not good at telling the psychiatrist that it causes me pain, so I got off from it on my own. Im on Abilify 5mg right now and weaning off all drugs because I want to loose weight and have my thyroid return back to normal function homeostasis. So Im still in denial, im starting to wonder if im suffering from a personality disorder or a combination of things. thank you