New member dealing with acute bpd

Hello,

I am 30 years old and was diagnosed with bipolar 1. I have a long history of mental illness and often have thought about suicide. I have even attempted it once before. Added to this are religious thoughts and spiritual crises that have plagued me. I frequently have guilt to the degree that nothing I do anymore will save me from an eternal pubishment. Its a lethal mental cocktail but I have talked it over with therapists and psychiatrists. Although they are of some temporary help the symptoms reoccur, sometimes worse than before, and I find myself back to square one.

I joined the forum to express myself and hopefully find someone in the same boat as I am. Any response would be appreciated.