Does this sound like Quiet BPD?

Hi
I am a 38 year old male. My life hasn't gone the way I would have expected it to go by my age. For a number of years I have been trying to heal and understand what's been 'my problem'. I have had therapy for years and tried many different things like years of meditation (which has helped) among other things. But there is still something I can't seem to shake.

I have recently been learning about BPD and resonate more with the 'Quiet' side of the condition.

Since I was young I was very quiet and just didn't feel able to interact with others. So I would often isolate myself. I would find people overwhelming. It was even worse if I saw a girl I was attracted to, I would basically freeze. This still impacts me to this day. The more I think about it, the more I see how I may have different personalities and how I change myself to fit the environment. I am a loner, I dont have any friends or a romantic partner. People I work with think I am confident and out-going and I believed that's who I was but until recently I have been questioning this.

I developed a confident persona in my mid-20's to compensate for something. This served a purpose and helped me to interact with others better. But now looking back, I think it was just a mask and infact I have never known the real me. I also dress like a young man in his 20's and think like a young man of this age. People are often surprised when they find out my age because I don't act it. Does it seem like I don't really know who I am?

The worst condition I suffer with is intrusive negative thinking. My mind always goes towards things I don't want, sometimes my thoughts can be quiet horrific. They have such a pull to them. I am dumbfounded as to why I would think about terrible things happening to me? I have had this thought pattern since I was in my teens maybe earlier.

I am glad to say I have made so much progress, just to get to this point. I feel I am recovering gradually but also understand this is a difficult condition to fully recover from and living a rich full life will be more challenging for someone with this condition.

I also believe I have some elements of CPTSD, from a less than adequate childhood. I wondered if quiet bpd maybe something I should consider also? Thanks

When you write BPD, what exactly do you define that as? This is the bipolar forum. Is this the right place for these questions you have. If not, I'll gladly move your post to the right forum.