How do people see you during episodes?

Im wondering what I seem like when I'm manic. I have a subdued, slightly depressed personality to begin with. When clinicians meet me when Im manic they can't necessarily tell. Well, if I'm talking a mile a minute then they might be able to. But I can totally hold it in and not reveal it to people. I've heard I have "great awareness," and I "present as coping well," during manic phases. I mean, when I'm depressed I think that comes across easily. But I don't think I have that kind of floridly psychotic manic presentation for lack of a better word that is so characteristic of bipolar. I've had 3 documented manic episodes in the past 8 years. With bits and pieces along the way.

Do you ever wonder, when you're not manic and far away from mania if you ever really were? Sometimes Im in touch with it and know for sure and sometimes it just seems like a dream. I think the same thing happens with depression. Could just be my memory. Or the klonopin I was prescribed while manic.

So.... how do you come across to people when you're manic. Am I the only one that can hide it? Am I actually hiding it? Can people tell?

Hypomania I'm more talkative and intuitive (or so I think), confident and like to be around people. Full blown mania however is paranoid, awful energy that I almost imagine schizophrenia to be like. Can't sleep, delusional, feel like people are out to get me, etc. My friends and family tell me I'm like a different person so it's pretty obvious so it's good to nip hypomania in the bud before it gets too bad.

Very simply put, I act like I'm a little bit crazy-like. I act strange believe people are plotting against me, that I'm God and have power to make people's lives better. I truly feel such a high, no one can bring me down and with a single thought, I think I can do God-like things. People don't know what's going on in my mind so I do at times seem well. I've not been manic like that in like 12 years, but still, I'm not my normal self and I do strange things like spend hundreds of dollars in a few seconds and don't feel any guilt. Things like this. Yeah, I'm not well when I'm like this.

To be honest, I don't even know anymore. Am I manic? Am I God? Well, I definitely know I am not God, but man the things that go on in my brain are fantastical. People can tell when I am manic, (or they have an idea), but I can't seem to "check" myself. What I mean is, I have NO IDEA I am manic until its too late and I am drugged up on a hospital floor bawling like a baby. Life hasn't dealt me the best hand when trying to identify these episodes unfortunately.

There is too much going on to notice or care. Mania is subjective, so are everyone else's lives. People likely don't see much of what you are not forcing on them, the whole world is too busy.

living_the_phoenix wrote:There is too much going on to notice or care. Mania is subjective, so are everyone else's lives. People likely don't see much of what you are not forcing on them, the whole world is too busy.

hmmm don't agree. I think people do notice, and many people do care. If someone's behavior is socially disruptive I notice because Im probably uncomfortable. The whole world is not too busy 100% of the time to be unaware of their surroundings.

Son wrote:The whole world is not too busy 100% of the time to be unaware of their surroundings.

I couldn't agree more. Please don't mistake not caring for disapproving. Antisocial behaviour is a very broad brush, certainly not commandeered by those with mental health issues alone. By not caring I mean to say more accurately not so much judging harshly. At the height of mania; euphoric, grandiose and thought disordered I experience it as subjectively intoxicating, and in my experience so it appears. In my part of the world people pay no mind to public display of intoxication. Does that not answer your questions?

My wife prefers me depressed because she knows I'm not going to do anything impulsive. Sometimes, I think it's because she likes the control . Of course, I'd rather be hypomanic. I don't know how $#%^ would go down if I got manic, I feel bad for you that deal with that. I tend to think I have control over my hypomania whereas depression is just something I have to slog through until it relents. My wife does notice the changes but I can also hide it fairly well.

iabsurdlyexist wrote:My wife prefers me depressed because she knows I'm not going to do anything impulsive.

I think I understand. My wife has suffered enough also, and I am blessed she is so understanding and loves me so much. I definitely have a preference for hypomania; and then depression over mania. melancholy being my natural baseline I can find it strangely comforting at times to be isolated and depressed. mania is the reason I choose a numbed life of medication.

as unique as we are, we share a common bond bipolar

I had a few years was I was cycling fast. When I was hypomanic, I was very often told I was superwoman and people wanted to be like me. Of course I believed them...