How do people see you during episodes?

I resent the h&$@ out of being nuts. I'm embarrassed by my behavior, but at the time it's happening I don't realize how weird and crazy I'm acting. Then after the fact I'm so embarrassed consequently I end up locking myself up in my house and not coming out because I'm afraid I'll run into someone who witnessed my craziness. It's embarrassing when I get a glimpse of how they are looking at me, but usually I don't realize it until much later. I stay on my meds, but I'm still a lunatic at times.