Recently diagnosed (type 2).

So it turns out I have a legitimate mental illness that was practically impossible to see thanks to substance abuse and anxiety, that should’ve been obvious about 15 years ago.

It’s a bit like finding out that the door to the room you’ve been stuck in has had resistance from the other side, not just from within. Something bigger than me that’s been influencing my orientation towards the world more than I’d previously appreciated.

Things were better when it was easier to blame my own laziness or ineptitude. Accepting less responsibility seems like a dangerous line, potentially; fairly sure these cycles are largely contextual, and if it’s true that living with the condition requires every bit of willpower available, then it follows that I’d need to take full responsibility for living well - otherwise live as a perpetual sook, better off dead, etc.

Might use this to post as different thoughts come up.

Well... when I was diagnosed I felt great relief and then got help.
Ultimately it is up to us to be responsible for ourselves. Take your meds as prescribed. No self medicating.

Your metaphor of being stuck in a room with the door shut from the outside is interesting. My personal perspective is that the door opened inward and your were pulling on it to get it open but had your foot in the way and were blocking it with your drug use.

Now you are on the right track.
We have to be responsible for ourselves and make the most of it.
That is all that we can do.

Take care,
skilsaw.

I wouldn't say it was a case of accepting less responsibility. Rather, now that you know what the problem is, it's like finding a torch on a dark night. You couldn't see the path before - but now you can. You know that there is a way through this. Knowledge of what your problem is gives you greater responsibility to make wiser decisions about your life & (hopefully) steering clear of substance abuse. I usually seek out exotic substances when I'm high...sure sign of trouble.

Your path is a well-trodden one.

skilsaw wrote:Well... when I was diagnosed I felt great relief and then got help.
Ultimately it is up to us to be responsible for ourselves. Take your meds as prescribed. No self medicating.

Your metaphor of being stuck in a room with the door shut from the outside is interesting. My personal perspective is that the door opened inward and your were pulling on it to get it open but had your foot in the way and were blocking it with your drug use.

Now you are on the right track.
We have to be responsible for ourselves and make the most of it.
That is all that we can do.

Take care,
skilsaw.

Thanks. I think you're right about the foot in the door - very well put.

Maybe part of it is being too accustomed to failing, identifying as such, and being masochistically uncomfortable with having something constructive to focus on - it's a genuine answer that makes the murky data-points that surround each failed basic-function attempt suddenly appear clear and controllable, given in the same palm as a kind of puppet master that I'd previously been in too much denial about to recognise. It's probably just a bit more to take in than I'm used to.

Appreciate the encouragement, and any advice you can give.

turnaround wrote:I wouldn't say it was a case of accepting less responsibility. Rather, now that you know what the problem is, it's like finding a torch on a dark night. You couldn't see the path before - but now you can. You know that there is a way through this. Knowledge of what your problem is gives you greater responsibility to make wiser decisions about your life & (hopefully) steering clear of substance abuse. I usually seek out exotic substances when I'm high...sure sign of trouble.

Your path is a well-trodden one.

Cheers, much appreciated as well . Can I ask what your thoughts are on anti-psychotics for type 2? I tend towards obsessiveness but haven't been psychotic for a couple of years now, and that was fairly drug induced.

Feels like it drifts between rapid cycling when I'm a few months into a weed/alcohol binge, and cyclothymia when I've been sober and meditating for six months.

Far out I'm a genius. Going through opioid-level weed addiction 49 times, putting on and losing 30kg of weight a year from a routine and not-by-choice training/starving cycle; and only ever having any success at a job in spite of basic functionality problems - does being more what, wild and intense than everyone else mean no-one's got the balls to tell you the truth? I actually can't remember the last time someone said something honest and useful, that wasn't in rehab.

I guess it's different for everyone. I wasn't denying it before though; more that it was an open question mark I'd conveniently managed to avoid for a few decades.

Enchiladas.

Re: antipsychotics for type 2 - I'm in favour of them if they work.. They certainly work for me. Remember that everything is relative to the individual though. I got by on depakote/sodium valproate/name depends on the country you're in I think - for the first 2 and a half years. During my last high, my psych nurse put me on quetiapine too (I'm in the UK so it may have a different name across the pond...is it seroquel? It works a treat. I actually sleep. I also put on 12kg in a few weeks which I'm starting to work on losing. Some people with bipolar don't take meds. Some have as-needed valium. Some take antidepressants. Some find that antidepressants disagree with them severely. It all depends on your reaction to things...