How can I be a good friend to someone with bipolar disorder?

Hey everyone. I’m brand new here. I wanna preface this and say that I don’t have bipolar disorder myself, but my best friend does. We haven’t been friends for very long and it wasn’t until recently that they admitted to me that they have it. And shortly after admitting this to me, they’ve undergone a huge shift in behavior. I met them when they were kind of shy, but overall very loving and caring. But now they’ve turned into this huge brick wall that isn’t very receptive to anyone’s emotions. I want to be able to tough this out and do everything I can to help, but it’s scary because I feel like they hate me right now. It’s been a hard feeling to shake off since I have my own general anxiety (and borderline personality disorder which i’ll get back to later). So what are some tips that I can employ so that my friend doesn’t actually end up hating me for real (if if’s not too late)? I have never met anyone in my life before now that has had this - at least not in an official sense.

Also, are there any serious complications I should be aware of as someone with BPD? I really wanna try be the best friend I can be. I don’t want to give up on them because they mean the world to me.

Thank you.

I don't think you need to tiptoe around them. Just be yourself and be a good friend. If they're acting odd, give them some space until they are normal. Be a good listener and don't judge/criticize too much. Don't try to be their psychiatrist/psychologist which I notice some people do when they find out someone has bipolar.

I love it when my friends just check in with me... "how are you doing today?" A simple text in the morning means the world. It creates space for me to open up about how I'm doing... and my friends accept whatever my answer is. I might say I''m down, I'm excitable, or that I'm just doing well. I always follow up with asking how they're doing because friendship goes both ways.

Was there something that happened between the two of you? I don't know everything about BPD but I understand there is a level of emotional sensitivity involved (which I have). And bipolar mood swings from someone else might be triggering perhaps?

SO I guess without knowing, I would just reach out here and there and let your friend know you're there for them. It's up to them to meet you half way and open up.

Thank you both. Yeah, I’ve backed away for now and gave my friend space.

Nothing happened between us. Although, I’ve been going through a lot and I feel like I may have stressed them out a bit with it. But I told them that I don’t want our friendship to be one-way and that they can always come and talk to me too. What I did leave out was that my friend told me that they are, specifically, going through an episode right now. And I feel that might be a good thing they told me? To me it’s still just very new to me and I have a hard time adapting to stuff like this (hence why I came for help).

As for my BPD, the things I feel are extreme, and my fear of abandonment is messing with me really hard. So what I want is to minimize all this too because I feel I could damage this relationship if I’m not careful. Or at least that’s my underlying issue with all this.

Thank you again. I feel I might have more questions later though. I will check up on them soon. Just right now they seem very irritated and I don’t wanna push any buttons. Or should I just stop overthinking and check up on them?

Maybe follow your gut right now and just give them a little space. If that seems right to you. Feeling some fear of abandonment right now makes sense! I'd probably feel that way.


As far as your friend being in an episode, well, I recently pushed away some friends while in one. I was very manic, irritable, and paranoid. Angry about perceived mistreatment by one friend. I confronted them, and their response was like, where the hell is this coming from we love you! After a week I came down and could see I had damaged the friendship slightly. Thankfully they were understanding, It took some time and a lot of explanation and apologies from me once I was well again to heal what I caused. I explained this was the part of bipolar I liked the last... damage to relationships.

You sound very aware of what goes on for you during these kind of interactions. Focus on yourself right now. Just give it a little time. There's only so much control you have and if your friend is in an episode they may not be reachable. You may not really get through to them right now. Just comfort yourself, hang with other friends, hopefully this resolves soon.

Thank you. I texted them yesterday to check up on them and I didn’t get a response. While it is a little disheartening, I’m not gonna let it bother me too much. And yeah, the way they’re acting right now has no effect on my opinion of them; I’m determined to stick through this no matter what. I guess I’ll just have to leave this alone for now. I too hope this resolved soon.

As someone with BPD, I would imagine that it is very difficult for you when your friend is unreceptive or cold in response to your attempts to help them. I don't know the person, but it's very likely that they're just dealing with intense emotions right now and it makes their relationships with their friends and family more difficult to maintain.

The best friends I have, the ones that I try to keep around, are those who are completely nonjudgmental of me and are able to listen and empathize without trying to "fix me". It's difficult to come out to people about your emotions as someone with bipolar disorder because everybody thinks they know "what your problem is". That might be "needing to get out of the house more" or "exercising more" or "eating better", whatever. These definitely help but are insufficient to deal with all the symptoms of bipolar disorder. So whatever you do, please don't assume you know what is best for them, because the way they experience the world and the way you experience the world are fundamentally different.

But please, please don't take it personally if they are being cold to you. It is so easy to withdraw from the world and to just want to be alone when a bipolar person is going through a mood state, especially a depressive one. Just try and be there for them, invite them out to do stuff, offer to help in any way you can, and be patient. The fact that you're on here asking is a sign to me that you're a friend they're going to want to keep around, anyways. It's also probably a good thing to focus on your own life and give them space if they need it, as with any relationship. Good luck!