Help

This is my first time posting here - or anywhere - about this. I'm currently 22 (almost 23). I have a family history of mental illness. My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was young and suffered (and made us suffer) through it my entire life, all the while denying it. She never got help, so things kept getting worse. Because of that, I have no idea as to the details of her mental health. I just know that she got the diagnosis of Bipolar in probably 2005.

The past year I've been feeling not myself. Most days I feel like "me", but I'm beginning to have more and more days that remind me of my mother. I get these intense energy bursts - it feels like I'm going to explode. I feel like I can take on any challenge and I make it work where, most days, when I'm not "this me", I say these things will never work (they usually don't and end up half-a$$ed). I buy things I shouldn't, I do things I shouldn't, I have really crazy ideas, I feel like the ideas just keep pouring out and it's so exciting and overwhelming.
These are followed by a really deep spell of "I want to die" where I end up not being myself again. I tend to get frustrated easily with my partner. Usually I end up snapping and having a breakdown. My recent go-to is driving off. I just drive and drive for hours, to other states, usually accompanied by bouts of crying and thinking of suicide (which is again, only half serious). I can't control myself in those moments. I feel like if I don't leave right that minute, I'm going to rip my hair out. I feel like I don't want to be in my skin.

For a long time I saw a therapist, but recently (since these symptoms have intensified) I've had some difficulty with my health insurance. It'll be back in about 2 weeks, but today I had another episode of "I CAN DO ANYTHING" and feel the nasty other half coming on. I can feel it like a gurgling feeling in the back or my head.

I just want to know (from people living with bipolar) if this is similar to what you experience or not? I don't know what to do. I'm too afraid to bring it up without validation. I've been diagnosed with generalized anxiety but again, I haven't spoken to a professional about these new symptoms yet, but will as soon as my health insurance is reenstated. My family also has a strong history of schizophrenia (both sides, uncle's & aunt's plus their kids). Please help.

I would seek a psychiatrist's help ASAP. With the right medication and maybe some therapy, you can feel more normal.

I can say with truth that I regret making things be so like "nothing" and then allowing it to get so bad I put myself in danger. Do not make light of your symptoms, please see a doctor for it. It is very serious. Don't do what I did. In the meantime, the only one who suffers is you. Or if you have children or a significant other, then they suffer too.

To answer your question, yes most of what you are describing is what I experience. Get diagnosed, get meds. It won't ruin your life.