Boyfriend hasn’t told me he has BP disorder

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some perspective. I do not have bipolar disorder, but I do have major depressive disorder. My boyfriend of nearly three years has bipolar disorder but has not told me. I found out the first year we were dating; he always takes his litany of pills in front of me, avoided answering when I’d ask what they were for, so curiosity got the best of me and I googled the names of a few. I know this was not a good or honest decision, but what’s done is done.

He has seen me at my worst with depression and I told him about six months in. I guess I don’t know why he hasn’t opened up to me about this part of his health. I understand the depression in bipolar disorder, but I won’t pretend to know the mania. He told me about his ADHD after a few dates. Why won’t he tell me about having bipolar disorder three years in? I have never seen him in a major depressive or manic episode, I think his medications have really helped stabilize his mood.

I’ve tried broaching the subject a handful of times, but he refuses to talk about it. When did you tell your partner? I don’t want to push, but this is a serious relationship and I’m hurt. I know he loves me and I love him, but it still hurts. What would you advise me to do?

Best,
Sadandconfused32

Either accept that he doesn't want to talk about it or confront him about it directly. Some people with bipolar don't like talking about it and would rather ignore it / denial and it's not a bad coping strategy. Bipolar doesn't define who someone is. Maybe he doesn't want you to have to act like his psychologist/psychiatrist or worry about him. If he wants to talk about, then that's different.