Self-Harm Triggers *TW*

breezewriter wrote:quietgirl2538,

But for sure, for me, when my mood takes a turn for the worse, be it a low mood, or a manic episode, or especially a mixed episode, I get easily triggered.

Yes, that is what I'm trying to say.

I don't just watch TV all the time, by the way. Actually I really don't watch it that much at all. And I never watch the news. I only read it when something catches my eye as I open up my internet browser. I'm just saying that I see this stuff everywhere, even when I try to avoid it. I have picked out movies I thought were benign, just to be smacked in the face with a suggestive scene. I also come across it while perusing social media, listening to music, or even overhearing a conversation. I live in a big city and have actually seen more than one person on a ledge. There have been a couple times where I was only a few degrees removed from a bad situation. Perhaps I'm weak and overly impressionable, but when my mood is fluctuating, those things get to me.

I don't think you're weak or overly impressionable at all.

z7z wrote:I was not offended at all. Hope you weren't offended either. I think the mod removed my opinions about suicide for some reason. Maybe I should have put trigger warning I thought the point of this website was to talk about this stuff.

It is up to you to place a trigger warning, if the topic warrants it. Otherwise, I will place it there myself if it is deemed necessary. Remarks were removed and an explanation was sent to you through a PM. If you have any questions, as the rules of the forum state, discuss these issues through a PM and not on the public forum.

Thanks quietgirl2538, I appreciate it.

I just wish this post hadn't have gone sideways and that others replied that might share the experience.

Hi breezewriter,
I’m sorry this post went sideways.

Hi breezewriter

I don't know if this post is going to make any sense but here goes...
I'm not diagnosed with bipolar (other diagnoses) but am a long time self harmer. I self harm for many reasons, but one of them is simply out of compulsion. I might not even want to follow through on the thought but I feel compelled. I bring it up because I really felt as if you described what I experience when I get those compulsions, the thoughts just won't leave me alone. Sometimes I can snap out of it and sometimes not, depending mostly on the mood I am in. The thoughts, or compulsions, can come from anywhere, something I happen to see or hear.
I can relate a lot to self harm and suicide being everywhere, I feel that way too although I don't live in the US. I don't go looking for triggering material (with some exceptions) but there are triggers everywhere, even where you least expect it.
Don't know if this is at all what you were talking about, just some thoughts.

Hey Sjord,

Your post totally makes sense. You're not alone! While I don't wish these feelings on anyone, and I'm sad that you experience this too, it's a relief to know that there is someone who basically feels exactly the same way. Compulsion is definitely a good word for it. It could be something small and seemingly inconsequential, but it eats at me and makes me really anxious until I do it. Do you ever feel like your skin is crawling if you try to resist the urge?

There are other times where I don't feel any kind of release or benefit from it, but I can't help myself from doing it anyway. Similar for you?

I'm glad it made sense It is a relief to know that there are others that experience the same things, there is some comfort in that.
Def feel the skin crawling thing, I can get really bad anxiety if I try to refrain from doing it.
Other times the same as you too, no release or benefit, just a need to act on the thought, why I don't know, it just feels right to do so.

It can be small stuff that barely makes any marks, but I also have trouble with thoughts that are completely different, frankly really weird, and potentially really dangerous. It's compulsive thoughts and I sort of feel like I'm just doing an experiment. Just... curiosity.

Yeah, that sounds about right. I don't know why either, unfortunately.

I have other thoughts as well. I wonder if they are similar to yours. In the past I have thought the same thing about experimenting. I wish we could openly share our thoughts (of course, if you were comfortable), but I'm not sure if the mods would shut it down or not.

Probaby. Shut down, that is. If it's graphic in methods, etc. Or could have the possibility of encouraging others to try.

Philosophical discussion, maybe, but not sure how well it fits here and not in the SH forum.

Totally get the skin crawling thing with anxiety. Unpleasant, yet akin to getting Goosies...

Images, talk, etc aren't triggers for me. Anxiety, self punishment, etc. Sometimes as an energy boost, even. I treat it as an addiction. Thus the compulsion, sometimes even in the absence of a reason to.

I've noticed, in regard to what Sjord said about light, that some of the 'safe' alternatives are more painful than my usual SH. Apparently its not just about pain. But pain inflicted in a way that's associated with comforting and easing of my emotions. The detached part of me finds that interesting.