Attention-Seeking with my advisor

Hi, this is my first time here. So, I'm a (female) grad student and I'm pretty close with my advisor. At least, I was. He used to give me a lot of attention: gave me rides home (I don't drive), take me to coffee shops to work with him (instead of sitting in his office), always answered my emails at anytime of day. For a while -- and I'm being as objective as I can here -- we had a little flirty thing going on. However, he's really distant now. He mostly only meets with me on campus, stops replying to me at like 6 pm. This started gradually ever since he said I could talk to him about my BP. His behavior progressed (to the way it is now) when we started talking about me graduating. He's just really distant and I hate it. I've even got to the point where I'm trying to get his attention, be it positive or negative attention. I just want him to notice me again. I want things to be like they were. If you haven't guessed already, I really like him and it felt like he felt the same, but now he's just really distant. I miss the attention and it's like I would do anything now to get it. He was the only person to give me any attention at all.

Could he have a girlfriend or is he trying to ghost me? He said that he was okay with me talking to him about this BP stuff but it seems like the more I tell him, the more he pulls away.

I would get someone new. Keep your advisor and love life separate. Even get a female advisor if possible. If he wants to see you outside a professional setting that's different. Also, I don't tell anyone I have bipolar (just my experience). Some have had bad experiences and will just label you and group you with that.

I'm getting ready to graduate. Should I just move on? It's hard. We were pretty close for four (going on five) years. For a while, it felt like he was my only friend and he supported me through a lot. Plus, he knows EVERYTHING about me. I mean, everything.

spinkid5 wrote:He said that he was okay with me talking to him about this BP stuff but it seems like the more I tell him, the more he pulls away.

That's a red flag to me. If someone judges me just based on me having bipolar, then I generally cut ties with them if possible especially potential friends/significant others. Coworkers and family you just have to deal with. It's hard to change people if they are biased for whatever reason. That's why I tend to not bring it up unless I've been dating someone for a long time and I test how they feel about it first. Bipolar is not portrayed well in the media/tv.
On the other hand, maybe he just has a girlfriend right now. When I am dating someone, I see the opposite sex completely differently and distance myself subconsciously from women that flirt with me. Likewise if I flirt with someone, I don't hold it against them if they don't respond back well. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Got it. I'm going to follow your example. I need to be more cautious about who I tell. Even though it's not, I always feel like it's lying if I don't tell whoever I'm friendly with about my BP. I feel like I shouldn't have told him anything. It's just so weird because it feels like this is what a break-up would feel like. Obviously, I know we weren't together, but I invested so much in this guy for so long...

I think I just need to work on moving on. It's really hard. Any tips on the moving on part? The him "might having a girlfriend" now is killing me.

How do people get over break-ups (I've never been in a relationship)?

spinkid5 wrote:How do people get over break-ups (I've never been in a relationship)?

I'd say go out and meet new people and distract yourself. Try Tinder or OKCupid or PlentyOfFish. Go out with your friends or whatever you like to do for fun. Most people will drink to get over an ex but that usually just makes them more depressed.
Ask your pdoc: if you are prescribed an anxiety medication like Valium or Klonopin that might help if you're really stressed. Talking to a therapist can help. It might sound wrong, but I read a study that watching porn helps people get over a breakup. If you're depressed, anything that makes you happy is good like exercise: heavy weightlifting and sprints, plenty of sleep, sunshine, eating healthy, coffee, one glass of wine if you can tolerate it with your meds, a bath, comedy movies, music, etc.

These are great suggestions. I think that I'm just going to try to keep busy with doing things I like / like this. Also, I'll try spending less time alone. That's my vice. I should probably stay away from my bed -- I'll lay down and never get up (I'm depressive-heavy).

Thank you for everything. This really helps me a lot!