by voracious_lemon » Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:53 pm
I've had psychosis while manic, depressed, mixed, and stable. Basically off my meds I'm going to be a psychotic mess regardless of my mood. The doctor's that have seen me outside of a mood episode but not on an effective antipsychotic have diagnosed me with schizoaffective because of that, but right now on paper it's bipolar.
My manias usually have the worst psychosis because I'm not sleeping and probably doing drugs. My last psychotic mania during the summer of 2016 had me delusional--I thought ISIS was using me for biological warfare and I was going to kill everyone by spreading some virus I had. *Trigger* I actually attempted suicide at this time because of that and was running around the forest bleeding and hiding from people *end trigger* I was also very paranoid and was hearing voices. When I survived I "realized" I was invincible, but when I came home covered in mud and blood at like 2am I was taken to the ER.
Depressive psychosis for me typically involves a lot of voices saying mean things and seeing things that screw me up, like cars moving when there are no cars or moving shadows keeping me up at night. There's a lot of fear and feeling down about myself. It's been years since I've had psychotic depression, thankfully.
Mixed psychosis is kinda both. I fixate on this delusion, get paranoid, hear voices, see things, very anxious and feel like crap. It's depression basically, but sped up and with more irritability and impulsivity.
"Stable" psychosis (stable in quotes because am I really stable if I'm having psychosis?) doesn't involve the impulsivity of mania or the bad feelings of depression. I still can have delusions and hallucinations, and there's quite a bit of fear stemming from the delusions/hallucinations.
All I saw was the Devil's soul
And it looked a helluva lot like my own