Am I bipolar? I can't control how I feel, I can't take it

Hello all,
Please do me a favor and finish this. I really want to be heard.
My name is Jacob. I'm a 22 year old currently attending a University, majoring in Computer Science and Engineering. I need help, I don't know what's wrong with me.My emotions are always in flux, I feel intensely happy, then intensely mad. Now I feel depressed. At certain points I am quick to judge everyone and be hateful. Others I feel much more sociable and kind. There are points where I feel indifferent to everyone, even my family. Sometimes I can be the kindest person, then switch to indifference for weeks, months even, then switch to sharp hostility all for undetermined amounts time. People typically give me a wide berth because they don't know how to feel or act around me because my aura and words change so drastically from day to day even hourly too. It's like I have the ability to completely change myself as a person in a moments notice, I feel it too, it's like some flick in my head. Completely changes how I feel - I'll try to shake it, but everything changes in an instant - my vibe, my speech, my confidence, emotions... absolutely everything and I can't go back. I struggle to retain myself as I was so people aren't weirded out by my sudden change.

I'm not some child though, I do not go about having fits or putting on a show, it's just I'm very blunt at times, sometimes blunt with barbs. Sometimes I feel like being more affable, so people honestly don't know what to think of me. I think those who interact with me most would describe me as honest, hardworking, and intelligent though. Definitely not petty. I'm in extremely good shape, I have 5% body fat, muscular, and have a healthy diet. I switch from being confident to insecure, happy to sad, angry to peaceful so often. I can't take it. This isn't normal, I'm just not stable. Stability is elusive and it hinders my ability to focus. It's a constant battle with myself. I have to control myself and hide everything so people don't think I'm crazy. I think some people do. I dunno, maybe.

When I am roused to anger it is something scary, I am not myself, I say and do very hurtful things. Same can be said about the other states to varying degrees. I actually don't even know who I am. I don't know if I'm a good person, I doubt I am. Sometimes it feels like I manipulate others into wanting to talk to me more. I'm good at figuring people out after talking to them for a while, I say the right things to connect and speak to them. I feel terrible about it, other times I just make excuses saying I'm just being nice and I convince myself. I dunno. I'm reaching out now. Please, I don't think people should exist like this. I struggle to control myself and my flux of changing emotions every day. It feels like I've lost myself among this chaos. I'm exhausted trying to control everything and be 'normal'. There's too much stress from school, work, and all these emotions. I'm close to giving up. It has been like this for years and years and I am truly and utterly tired .

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I have struggled for so long, it's nice to reach out. If I'm some sort of functioning psychopath I would love to know. Thank you again and Godbless.

First of all, we can not diagnose.

In bipolar, moods cycle every few months or so. For me, I could be depressed for 6 or more months, manic for about 3 months, with anger thrown around, and some stable points. This is the same for both bipolar types (I and II). If it cycles hourly, that would be ultra-ultra rapid cycling, and that is very rare. But I think that is also what borderline personality disorder is (moods changing frequently with anger outbursts).

My advice: seek out a psychiatrist.

The student health services are usually pretty good at Universities.
They know people that age are vulnerable, often away from home for the first time and under considerable social, academic and financial stress sometimes.

Counseling should be available through student health services... or elsewhere on campus. Hunt it down. They will know if you need to be referred to a psychiatrist or can offer you other support.

The mood swings seem pretty extreme. A balanced life that is not too prone to swings is more desirable. Get help getting it under control. You will be glad you did.

Also, stay connected here. It is a good place to unload your feelings or thoughts day by day. It certainly has helped me to be able to log on and vent or dump as needed.