Nostalgia/Hoarding

Just wondering if this feeling is common to bipolar -

I have kids and they are 5 and 8 and have grown out of toddler toys etc. I need to get rid of the toys, but the thought of doing so is putting me over the edge. I am in a depressive low right now, and I know I need to get this stuff out of the house because we have no room and the kids will be getting new Christmas things, but I can't let go. I get so, so sad (like crying for 2 hours so far today) at the idea of not having these reminders of their little girl days around anymore.

I am so lonely now that they are both in school. I have my own business but I don't even try to make it work anymore (luckily my husband is the main income earner). I don't like getting dressed, showering, etc. All my life is right now is being chauffeur for kids activities and school-related activities for them - which I love - but I have no life of my own whatsoever.

Their Christmas concert is coming up next week and I am so sad about it - it's ridiculous. The reason is that this is the last year I'll have a kindergarten child performing in it. I will never have a 5 year old in a Christmas concert again. It's so dumb to say, I know I'm irrational, but it is so incredibly sad to me.

My kids aren't babies anymore, and I know they have to grow, but everyone is going to get older and leave me and I'll be here alone with my stupid mental illness and meds that don't make a huge difference, and a husband that will never truly understand my bipolar because he would rather deny it exists. The friends I have are through my kids, I have none of my own really except one or two, and I avoid being around them because I know I'm a drag and I feel like I don't relate well to anyone.

Anyways, I feel like if I get rid of all their childhood things that I will forget those precious times, and it makes me have to acknowledge time is passing and that I can't stop it or sit with it because it always has to move on.

Having kids has been the absolute joy of my life, but I feel like I can't handle the sense of loss that comes with it moving forward. I don't want to show these feelings to my kids because they need to know that it's normal to grow up and move on. What is wrong with me?

I should probably go to the hospital - my pdoc retired in the summer and I have been unmonitored since then. I convinced myself I didn't need my meds so I weaned off, and hit a wall and went back on them because of the depression. Now I'm still down. I'm getting so fat and sometimes I wonder if any of this is real or did the doctors just get me addicted to something I now have to rely on.

Sorry for the ramblings. If you have any words of encouragement, please let me know.

westlife2,
I have 3 kids. They are much older than your little ones. Mine are 12,14, and 17 in ages. Is there some place in the house you can store them until you feel better about getting rid of them. At least for me, I eventually had to remove so many toys like their doll house (huge one) because it was in my kitchen beside the kitchen table. I think it's normal to feel this way. When you feel ready then you can get rid of them. I keep favorite outfits and one specific toy that I put in a plastic bag from happy memories of those outfits or their toy. But my youngest is 12. So I am years away from your youngest. Once my girls got older, things changed. And they didn't sleep in the bunkbed that was a house or a castle. I had to get rid of that too. But I do understand a little bit of how you feel.

As for feeling like you feel. I don't have perfect words. I am also going through my own things and I see a therapist and a pdoc. I hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs, if wanted.

I used to be a mild hoarder. I now do a purge every few months. I completely empty a room and put back only the bare minimum. Often throwing out or donating what I don't need. Particularly clothing that I no longer wear is a problem for me. I had probably 20 pairs of shoes at one point and 10 coats. If you admit you're a hoarder it's easier. Some people in my family are in denial.

I'm a hoarder. I call myself a Collector, but in reality, I'm a hoarder. I get the exact same way as you do with getting depressed over getting rid of things. I have a lot of toys and games from when I was a little kid that I don't even touch anymore. I don't plan on having kids, so my parents don't see the point in me keeping them, but I get anxious and depressed over the idea of getting rid of them. I really don't have any words of encouragement, but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm sending hugs your way, and hope you'll find a way to cope with this.