A question and update on my life.

But I haven't posted in a while and I was in the mood to talk about my life/musings.

(Drug mention warning for the update).

Update: So I got off heroin in mid-october after a several month long run of $100+/day habit, that was REALLY part of a 2 year long run with breaks for rehab or hypo. Finally happy and sober for the first time in 2 or 3 years. Now I started on some gabapentin and tasted hypomania symptoms, so I've been chasing that for the last week or so with too much gabapentin and currently attempting sleep deprivation. I never considered myself someone who does illogical things for the sake of short term gains, but never ending depression broke that down for me it seems, considering I'm a textbook example of a depressed addict now. At least I don't let it harm my self worth when I'm thinking rationally about myself. (When I'm depressed it drops of course.) Somehow my true self esteem and self respect have still survived all of this, just not my ability to tolerate discomfort or pain.

Question: Does anyone know a good subjective differentiator between mixed states and depression/anxiety? I always thought I just had an anxiety disorder that effected me worse than my bp2, but while I was in rehab the psychiatrist suspected long term untreated mixed episodes and put me on lithium, and a lot of my worst symptoms went away, but I was also on gabapentin, and newly sober (not for long!), so it's very unclear to me if it's true.

Very happy about the sobriety, however remember the ol saying "once an addict always an addict" (I'm typing that as a former addict of other things). The saying is true, so DO be careful. Take measures to be sure you'll stay off of the substances too (aside form bad memories of course.)

Ok done preaching at ya.

Mixed states...now for starters, I have BP1, so don't know the intensity for say BP2 and such. If I start getting paranoid about things without any actual proof other than "signs (thankfully I'm fairly self aware in most of my states), or if I'm intensely hyper with racing thoughts, but at the same time getting freaked out and low about every little thing-that's a mixed episode for me. Sometimes I'll think I've seen things that aren't there, or hear things briefly too. Mixed episodes are awful.

thanks for pointing out the overlap between depression with anxiety and a mixed state. Does one have to have an overabundance of energy to be in a mixed state?