Mood swings - depression - anxiety - anger

Hi,

(I already opened this topic in Cl. Depression Forum, but I've been suggested to perhaps move it here)

- For the past few weeks, I've been having extreme mood swings, I'm either on top of the world and feel genuinely excited about even the smallest things, or I'm unable to leave my bed and handle the outside world
- I get obsessive about projects and (sometimes) later have to force myself not to avoid them, I also switch from thinking I excell at things to feeling completely useless/worthless/untalented (this can happen within a week)
- One moment I'm looking forward to meeting my friends, the next I have the urge to be alone and can't stand people, I keep running from places looking for "peace and quiet" that I then can't deal with
- The anxiety has gotten way worse and is ever-present, I feel a constant numb headache/buzzing, and more and more often have suicidal thoughts (not a desire to act on it, though)
- I experience anger management issues (this and anxiety were the main reasons for seeing psychiatrists in the past)
- I have some hypersensitivity traits, also increased empathy
- There're no (visible) reasons for feeling this way and I refuse to take (prescribed) antidepress. since they're getting in way of my creativity and are making me completely numb, which I can't afford happening at the moment
- I've dealt with all this in the past by misusing substances

Can anyone here relate to this?
What could have caused this sudden worsening of the symptoms?

I can relate to most of it. But for me, these things cycle over long periods of time, not in weeks (except for my last episode, which I was told was rapid cycling).

I can't diagnose, but I will say it sounds like rapid cycling based on how I felt just a couple months ago. Do you see a psychiatrist now? If so, I would definitely bring this up. If not, consider making an appointment, you may need an evaluation.

I can relate to most of it. But for me, these things cycle over long periods of time, not in weeks (except for my last episode, which I was told was rapid cycling).

I mostly had long periods of depression episodes, while these manic episodes rarely occured and wouldn't last more than couple of days (which is why I always thought it's depression and was prescribed with antidepr), but in the last month or so the cycles became more frequent and more intense. I connected all these occurences to substance abuse/nervous breakdown.

I can't diagnose, but I will say it sounds like rapid cycling based on how I felt just a couple months ago. Do you see a psychiatrist now? If so, I would definitely bring this up. If not, consider making an appointment, you may need an evaluation.

Rapid cycling by itself is not a diagnosis but a symptom of the course of type I or II?
I'm not, I'll make an appointment as I feel extremely strange these days.
Thanks for the answer and info.

I'd talk to your pdoc about some meds. Sounds pretty serious. I like Lithium for Bipolar. It works on suicidal thoughts and mania. I also like Klonopin. It makes me not care about anything which sounds bad but it's good when you're having negative thoughts.

That sounds exactly like me, except you don't hallucinate or have delusions. We can't diagnose here, but as JellyB said, it sounds like you're cycling back and forth, while staying depressed for a short period of time. I wouldn't call it rapid cycling, but it does sound like something is triggering you to become depressed, while manic. Are you manic and depressed at the same time?


Also, as z7z suggested, talk to your psychiatrist about this. Write all this down, and anymore if you can, and talk to them. They can help with medication.

Tyler wrote:That sounds exactly like me, except you don't hallucinate or have delusions.

I've never experienced hallucinations, but I am prone to believing in some spiritual things, I experienced some unusual things/coincidences that I then took as various signs (I still believe it though, still delusional? ), but this could be from all the substances I misused..I don't know anymore.

We can't diagnose here, but as JellyB said, it sounds like you're cycling back and forth, while staying depressed for a short period of time. I wouldn't call it rapid cycling, but it does sound like something is triggering you to become depressed, while manic. Are you manic and depressed at the same time?

I'm a bit confused about the manic phase, if I was to describe it, I'd say it's one of those rare good days where I feel like I can do anything and I'm full of enegry, joy and hope in future and for the world, I don't experience anything negative in this phase. But then after that comes a phase where getting up, breathing, studying, human relations and living seem useless and "grey".

Also, as z7z suggested, talk to your psychiatrist about this. Write all this down, and anymore if you can, and talk to them. They can help with medication.

Thank you.

I just have few more questions to be sure -

do pwBipolar attract other PDs in their life?
do you relate to any of the (yes it's pop-psychology, but for the sake of this question) "empath" description?
can other people with strong mood swings affect yours?
do this negative episodes feel like constant irritation making you want to jump out of your skin?
are you creative?
do you find patterns (making sense only to you ) in things, in people? do you "see" pictures in your head?
I often notice my brain works a bit different than most people's, I'm sometimes unable to answer the simplest question because I try to think about its deeper layers, but I sometimes stay blind to the first, visible one
do you have hard time with stress/deadlines, are you avoidant? I sometimes become completely paralyzed because of it.
do you sometimes feel neither depressive nor manic, but just normal/a bit empty?
are you very curious, do you get distracted easily, do you have some ADHD traits? do you require practical examples when discussing things?

I apologize for all the questions, I'm trying to distinguish between my personality traits and bipolar here, it makes me a bit uncomfortable thinking that whenever I thought I'm excelling at (mostly creative) things and felt extreme confidence, it was mania? Does it mean I was unable to unbiasely assess my own work/talent?

Yes the mood cycling sounds VERY familiar to me, though like JB my moods cycle over the course of months for the most part... not in any serious way throughout a few days. Meds have been extremely helpful to me. I still have mood swings/psychotic symptoms a few time a year but I know they're not nearly as bad as they would be otherwise.

And for the last questions, I will say I think of myself as very creative. I'm an artist and have been since childhood... I definitely have used drawing and painting as an outlet for things like hypomania when I'm feeling full of awesome ideas and energy to accomplish things. My T wants me to not see this productivity as a symptom but rather "being inspired." OK. Call it whatever. I just know I enjoy it. Yes i see pictures in my head and paint them... I thought all artists worked this way but apparently not.

I can relate to feeling empty,... part of why Im told I have BPD features. It can be chronic and debilitating. I'm working on this in therapy at the moment.

Distraction can be a symptom of mania in my experience...

Son wrote:
And for the last questions, I will say I think of myself as very creative. I'm an artist and have been since childhood... I definitely have used drawing and painting as an outlet for things like hypomania when I'm feeling full of awesome ideas and energy to accomplish things. My T wants me to not see this productivity as a symptom but rather "being inspired." OK. Call it whatever. I just know I enjoy it. Yes i see pictures in my head and paint them... I thought all artists worked this way but apparently not.

I can relate to feeling empty,... part of why Im told I have BPD features. It can be chronic and debilitating. I'm working on this in therapy at the moment.

Distraction can be a symptom of mania in my experience...

I can relate so much to this, I'm seriously starting to feel like I was completely blind all this time.
I have some BPD traits myself (I also displayed codependency traits in my previous relationship) and I'm studying something related to film/theatre, and it's exactly my MO - starting from pictures that I see in my head.

Do medications supress your creativity, this is my biggest fear?

no not at all... I think some meds have been known to make people feel dull. But it's about finding the right ones for you.Everyone responds differently to different ones. What I can say is for me I still feel creative, I still get pictures in my head, I still feel the need to paint them.

So many questions. Let's see...

I don't attract other people with bipolar, if that is what you mean. Most people I know don't have any PD's or other mental illness.

I'm definitely not empathetic. I'm more apathetic.

I find when my mom and sister are depressed, this starts to make me feel down, as well. Like it's "contagious" or something.

The only time I want to "jump out of my skin" is when I have gnarly anxiety, or when I had akathisia.

I am creative. I draw, paint, and take photos and edit them in Photo Shop.

The only time I see pictures in my head is when I think about an artwork to make. So yes, the picture will appear, then I'll try to put it on paper/canvas.

Stress triggers anxiety and dissociation with me, and it severely impacts my ability to work.

I only feel empty during depression. But I do get "normal" in between my cycles.

And yes, rapid cycling is a bipolar thing.