Mood swings - depression - anxiety - anger

Hi,

I'm not sure where to place this, I hope the moderators move it to its rightful place.

For the past few weeks, I've been having extreme mood swings, I'm either on top of the world and feel genuinly excited and grateful for small things in my life, or I'm unable to leave my bed and handle the outside world. One moment I'm looking forward to meeting my friends, the next I have the urge to be alone and can't stand people, I keep running from places looking for "peace" that I then can't deal with. The anxiety has gone way worse and is ever-present, I feel a constant numb headache, and more and more often have suicidal thoughts. Because of it I experience anger management issues that I'm less and less able to hold in. There's no (visible) reason for feeling this way and I refuse to take antidepress. since they're getting in way of my creativity and are making me completely numb, which I can't afford happening at the moment. Everything just seems grey and numb, except those rare moments of excitement that appear out of nowhere. I've dealt with this in the past by misusing substances.
Are these symptoms of depression, if they are how come they come and go?

Hmm well this moderator moved it to Bipolar and left a shadow in the posted forum, so that it'll get more exposure.

That certainly sounds extreme and ofc the first thing that popped in my mind was 'bipolar'? since that's stereotypically categorised by manic/depressive episodes...

I have not experienced (or to me they're not, but maybe to someone examining me it looks different) such extremities, but I keep a low level of depression or dysthemia or something, and once in a blue moon the mood will lift and I will feel inordinately happy and self-content... the first time, I idly wondered if I was having a manic episode, it was such a change from the way I normally feel- in my case, I decided that it wasn't any kind of mania (I mean, I didn't feel as if I was king of the world or anything), it was just maybe... what normal people feel.... but for me damn it was like a drug or something. Doesn't last long, and doesn't happen often. Like you, I don't take anything for mood.

But this sounds more than that- low lows and high highs- maybe the Bipolar regulars can see something in your post.

I'd ask your pdoc about a diagnosis and possible medications. Lithium is great for Bipolar and still allows you to be creative without thinking you're Jesus or wanting to kill yourself. Lamictal is another good one.

Sounds like depression, could also be Bipolar, depending on how frequently they occur. You don't have to take antidepressants, but if the ones you were taking impeded on your creativity, you might have just been taking the wrong ones. That's not to say antidepressants are required to get better, but they do help. If you are seeing a therapist, psychiatrist, or counselor, I would bring this up with them.

Best of luck!