New, introduction, advice needed

Jellybeanery wrote:@Holodeck - You don't sound snappy at all! The only reason I questioned it is because it is a huge shock to me that someone your age is able to work and not be medicated without ever having been in the hospital considering bipolar has the potential to get worse over time while untreated. Good luck with your pdoc!

Thank you Jellybeanery. Yeah it was mainly due to being cut off from help till I was 27. When I was 30, my boyfriend respectfully made me see someone for my issues. My PD coupled with my previous phobia of meds kept me from seeking help. Being my own boss and away from people the majority of the day helps too.

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Sorry for the thread hijack Mrmark. Like eterea107 said, we all here get how bad mood disorders can be. For what it's worth there's definitely a solidarity here. Hope things turn brighter for you and yours soon.

Hugs sent to us all who could use them. (((HUG)))

I can agree with mixed. Initial BP 1, don't super crash. usually a dull nagging down. I do things, like humor and sports to give me a better feeling. I try to do quirky things, I feel I have to not get stuck in a rut and again it causes temporary better feelings.
I feel so pulled back from the people I've shared this with. I'm absent from the wife as I can't stand me, and well her. Those I've talked with who say the worst words--just try sends me down and I pull back as I feel they can't possibly understand. I had friends but they didn't like my wife, so now I have no one. My two grown daughters hate our marriage and can't stand us. My son who I get along with seems fine and I can joke about this.
I work in a high school in the special ed department. I feel this gives me a connection and they appreciate my quirkiness. I figure my anxiety causes perhaps adrenaline that gets and keeps me going all day. I usually am mentally shot by bedtime and fall asleep quick. I think I've found attaching anxiety kicks me up and I can function pretty well.
We've been kicking therapy around but right now I feel hopeless as well as our situation. We mutually neglected each other for so long it's just a struggle to get a grip on. I don't have any feelings for her and even as well talked perhaps ending, neither of us became emotional. The whole thing causes a big guilt depressive yuck ball-- I think it should. Day at a time and we'll make the call when I work up the courage. Damb that first call for what I was feeling was tough enough, part of me doesn't want to go through anything as it's so painful to go over yet another time, and I swear I feel like I can't try any harder, or can I, hard to believe my own lies, or truth?

Mrmark wrote: part of me doesn't want to go through anything as it's so painful to go over yet another time, and I swear I feel like I can't try any harder, or can I, hard to believe my own lies, or truth?

Something I've noticed with a lot of mental health issues is feeling like we're lying to ourselves. I don't think it's a lie so much as us living in that moment and not thinking about how we will change later. We'll still being ourselves, but later on in a different circumstance where we can no longer do things the way we did before at the same rate.

I can understand though how so many might feel fake or that they are lying when they say to themselves they can do a certain thing a certain way...or can't.

Point is be the best you can in that moment, and try not to compare with things you can't easily regulate.

Kind of had a therapy session with wife. It was more to hook us up with a better counselor. It turned what I I felt asa personal attack. Stuck in the moment, trying not to give moment answers and then being thought of as non caring because of it. The wife who ignored us for 15 years, cleans the house and is now a glowing example of trying. I'm trying to remain respectable, trying to get to our real personality issues, she's trying to be a glowing queen because she tidied up the pile of junk and it looks nicer than mine. This is both real and metaphorical.

Mrmark wrote:Kind of had a therapy session with wife. It was more to hook us up with a better counselor. It turned what I I felt asa personal attack. Stuck in the moment, trying not to give moment answers and then being thought of as non caring because of it. The wife who ignored us for 15 years, cleans the house and is now a glowing example of trying. I'm trying to remain respectable, trying to get to our real personality issues, she's trying to be a glowing queen because she tidied up the pile of junk and it looks nicer than mine. This is both real and metaphorical.

I found that both spouses need to own up to their issues that led to problems in the marriage. My ex is a diagnosed narcissist and therefore cannot or will not admit to any wrongdoing. Our marriage counseling failed for this reason (plus, he stopped going). 18 years. I’m happier now.

I wish the best for whatever is best for you. I was grieving the death of my mother at that time. You mentioned grieving the loss of your father. It’s a lot to handle. Try to be kind to yourself. And keep posting.

I even understand limerance...we have things in common!