"Mood swings" vs bipolar

Hi,

I just want to get straight to the point because I have been struggling with this since I began high school (I am now 22).

According to the DSM-V, I technically meet the criteria for bipolar II, but not exactly. I find it to be kind of complex to describe. You see, my mood cycles from lows to highs but not long enough to meet the criteria for the duration but (as far as I am personally aware) my moods meet the criteria for hypomania and depression. I know, complicated to understand, right?

Basically, I can be in a "hypomanic" state (I think) for as little as 30 minutes but no longer than 1 day (so I don't meet the criteria for cyclothymia, either), which is where I don't meet the criteria for bipolar II, but now I will describe what I experience (which is where I think I meet some the rest of the criteria for bipolar II). Could someone please help me to decide whether it could be hypomania or not? Thanks.

My thoughts will begin to race so fast I find it unbelievable.

I start to sweat and sometimes shake, almost like an adrenaline rush.

I get the urge to do things at the speed of light and do not ever get tired, whereas normally I would struggle to do 1 minute of star jumps (for example) without getting tired.

I will not want to go to bed (although I will force myself).

I will get the urge to do things impulsively (although I recognise the impulses [being self aware] and stop myself most of the time), start about 15 billion tasks (being more productive than my usual self which I love), etc.

I also feel just generally more happy-go-lucky, like nothing can harm me, more social (I have social anxiety, so being "hypomanic" can be a blessing in most ways), etc.

Sometimes (when this state occurs, it changes all the time how I experience it with a few things staying constant) I will get up and dance around the bedroom while watching a movie or just get the urge to do things I wouldn't want to do ordinarily. I am not a dancer and nor do I enjoy being social, so that is how I can tell the neurotransmitters in my brain have gone off the scale again

The only problem is this - most of this will last no more than 3-4 hours on average and it rarely happens. (No exaggeration) I can go months and months without feeling hypomanic and then suddenly, walk down the street, for example, and suddenly get the urge to run and laugh and have fun, and I get really annoying like that and then can become really irritable and can verbally attack my friends (when normally I am totally laid back and extremely passive), but when no one seems to want to behave like me my mood plummets massively but I will still feel "high" and hypomanic but also, simultaneously, in a state of depression. I normally spend most of my time, most of the year, in what I'd call a contradictory state of happiness and sadness simultaneously (not high enough to be hypomania or low enough to be depression, although that has happened before and it feels very scary because it just comes on all of a sudden out of nowhere, no matter what I might have been doing and if I didn't have any impulse control I would have probably killed myself); I have no other way to describe that, so when I want to explain it to other people they don't understand. I barely understand it myself and I've had to put up with it for about 11 years +.

Personally, though, I'd describe my baseline emotion as slightly below what I call mixed, but not necessarily depressed. I think people know me as being depressed, or what they call "moody", so when I go "hypomanic" while a few people might notice a slight difference even the people who know me the best can't really tell, (or so they tell me, but I just don't think they understand because I've seen myself on recordings and I have seen people who have been hypomanic, and even manic, and I was. I think they just found me annoying and irritable instead of happy, high, and care-free, just like my parents) but it feels so unbelievably overwhelming, in a good, happy, euphoric, extremely productive, yet very irritable, way, and I can't understand how they don't notice a difference.

Sorry, I know this turned into a long message but I came to this forum to get some personal insight into this issue. I don't want to go to a psychologist because I need to talk on the phone to book an appointment and I hate phones, and I've told my 'parents and best mates that the only way I will go is if they drag me, and since I am an adult and nowhere near mentally ill enough to allow that...

Thanks. Peace.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time with it for 11 years now. Are you willing to get professional help such as a see a psychiatrist and a therapist? I see both and I do take meds and it stabilizes my moods. To be honest, you sound miserable. Sending hugs if wanted.

When I am in a mixed episode, which is considered Bipolar I, I experience mania and depression at the same time. It lasts weeks for me. I hardly experience hypomania, I go straight to mania in more recent years. I will be honest, when I've been like this I am hospitalized. It gets so bad. Will you hospitalize yourself, if you get really bad? I suggest you keep a mood diary where you write down how you are feeling in mood and describe symptoms down and how long they last (days, hours, etc.) and if you are seeing a pdoc, show them this. I hope others can share their experiences and I also hope your moods level out. Keep us updated as you can. We want you to be stable and feel better.

Thanks. I’m sorry you struggle so much with it, you just need to have hope it’ll get better.

I think I make it sound worse than it is, to be honest, but I actually have thought of admitting myself to a mental health hospital, I live really close to one. However, I don’t think it’d help much because I can still cope with things, even when I feel severely depressed as I’ve learned over the years that I just need to wait for a while and know that my mood will rise again and I’ll feel good.

Peace.

When I am having mood swings or depression, I wait and see how things go. If it starts to affect me on an everyday basis, for example, my depression lingers for longer than 2-3 weeks and it only gets worse, or my mood swings are causing me to not be able to have much energy or concentrate, or anything that just isn't my stable self, then I seek help. Because I can't function like that. I know everyone is different and it's very true. I have a busy lifestyle that requires me to be well. So that's just my input on how I deal with episodes.

I have bipolar II and before meds I functioned most of the time. I would get really giddy from time to time (hypomania), but it wouldn't last very long. My depression did last a bit longer, but serious episodes were fairly short.

Here's my suggestion; talk to a psychiatrist. S/he will be able to tell for sure if you have bipolar. It sounds like type II, like you've said. I would also keep a mood diary to keep tract of when it happens, for how long, and how strongly you feel. It can help explain your situation to a pdoc.

My guess is a pdoc will give you medication, probably a very small dose. You may have small swings during the day that you aren't aware of because they're minor compared to a full episode.

keep us updated.