Just reaching out

It's been a difficult few weeks. I did get my PhD which I have been working on for ten years. That in and of itself can cause a mood episode since it is a milestone. The week after my colleague died and then another betrayed me within the hour of finding out he died. So since then I've been having swings, esp depression. People aren't necessarily helpful or understanding so I'm posting here. That's all for now. Thanks!

forward,
The main thing here is to congratulate you on your PhD!!! Great Job!

I am so glad you are posting here and that myself and others will hopefully reply. I am so sorry for your colleague's death and the betrayal of the other one. That can put a lot of stress on you. I know I get very upset over big events and it takes me sometime before I can be my normal self again. I can empathize. I went through daily mood swings like others of us here have experienced and they are terrible to be going through. I went through a very low recently and am just recovering from it. Be easy on yourself. Set aside as much time as you possibly can for you to get back to being completely stable and feel 100% strong. Being gentle with yourself means to don't stress the little things so much. For example, go out to pick up restaurant food and have a good meal at home instead of cooking and take a short quiet walk with headphones or just without. Listen to gentle calming music. A dear friend of mine introduced me to Enya and I love listening to her. I helps me feel calm and at peace. I don't know if you'll like Enya but well, everyone is different.

Hope you feel better! Big milestones are definitely mood altering but that's a sign you're still alive!
Alright I'll bite, what's your PhD in?

Wow! I'm sorry you had to go through so much... I mean a PhD is tough enough! Seems you've persevered extremely well though! Congratulations and best of luck with the road ahead. Hopefully it's not quite as bumpy.

I agree with QG, congrats on your PhD! That's a major accomplishment, especially with a mental illness!

Try and keep your head held high. You're going through a lot, but you can get through this!

Hi guys, thanks for responding.

My PhD is in social work.

I'm going in and out of depression. We also moved this year, and I'm still trying to get used to it. Another thing. This is a large lovely house that we're renting. But I keep idealizing our first apartment...it was so special and sunny...we had to leave. Then we lived in a place where I was really unhappy and now we are here. It's a great place but my heart belongs to the first apartment and I feel sad when I think of that.

Anyway, I am having suicidal ideations here and there. No plan. I can't have antidepressants b/c they make me manic. My doctor just sent me a prescription for Lithium levels. Lithium has been very helpful but I can't help but wonder if now I need more. But before she can do that we need levels. Now it's on me to get up the energy to make an appointment to get blood levels drawn.

In the meantime, it is definitely the changes that have thrown me into a depression and an "existential crisis." I am also very lonely with few friends. I had to get rid of a number of toxic friends so that leaves me with about four friends or so, plus my brother and my husband. It's not a bad number it's just that I can't keep treating them like they're my therapists. You know, sending texts that I'm depressed and lonely. I've looked up meetup groups but they all don't meet at a time I can. I belong to one for bipolar but it only meets every month and a half. I am sad and lonely. I am also out of contact with my family b/c they are toxic and times like these makes me want to contact them.

Thanks so much for the congrats, I appreciate it. I don't even think about the accomplishment, I always assumed when I achieved the PhD I'd be happy, happy, happy. But I'm quite the opposite.

Thx

Congrats! My condolences, too, regarding your colleague. I understand the mood shifts...gentle hugs if needed. Your last two sentences...insert “law degree” and you described me. *hug*

Thank you. I am so sad over him. He helped me complete my PhD. Then just a few days after I finish he dies. When I think of him my heart aches and I also get angry that this had to happen to such an amazing person who encouraged me.