On a cocktail

Hi All!

4.5 yrs ago i went to a pychologist because my pdoc refused to rx xanax daily for my anxiety. This was the only thing that worked for me. Well at this time in my life i was working and went back school and was also suffering new knee problems and had put on a little weight (15lbs). From the stress i felt depression coming. So i went to the psychiatrist, the last time i had been depressed was 10 yrs prior. I thought we were treating me for anxiety and depression. Before i knew it i was on the following: xanax, lamictal, venlafaxine ER, clomipramine, lamotrigine (couldnt afford lamictal), navane, and wellbutrin. Within 3 months my downward spiral began. I maxxed out credit cards, bought a car in the first 3 months. I was so drugged i didnt see what was happening. So i didnt mentioned it to the doc. My memory is shot now too so some details are missing. Over the course of the next two years I : gained 110lbs, my boyfriend of 4 yrs broke up witb me because he couldnt handle my behavior and lack of sex drive, drove friends and family from my life. I never was so angry and never had behavior swings prior to these meds. Even still the psychiatrist not once told me she thought it was bipolar. I was not in control yet i didnt realize it. My boss and coworkers expressed concern but at the time I thought they were just picking on me. I then moved in with my mom (mistake shes a narcisist with alchohism). After another year i hastily moved 1000 miles to another state, where i went off the drugs cold turkey because of not having money or health insurance. This move was essentially me running from my mom. I was in bed sick for a week after only being at my new job in a new state for 2 weeks - i was fired. This never happened before. I always excelled in my jobs. I finally found employment with my current job. That was may 2015. It took about 6 months off of the cocktail, my head began to clear and i finaly saw the forest for the trees and was horrified. Credit ruined, no friends, alienated my whole family that i had a good relationship with becauae of money. I decided to look up the drugs i was prescribed online. Thats when i saw it over and over again "used to treat bipolar". Jan 2016 i met with a therapist for a few sessions who felt based on this history i was bipolar. I read up on the disease but didnt feel the symptoms descrubed me. I discontinued our sessions partiay due to lack of funds. In this last year, i am cobbling my life and finances together. This long winded tale is to posit - was i misdiagnosed/ improperly medicated? Never before those drugs did i partake in risky behavior like that. I had/have trouble sleeping at night because of anxiety. I never stayed up to create art or write. I never had inflated thoughts of self nor racing thoughts. Obsessive thoughts, yes. Now im 260lbs more depressed and anxious then ever. I have lost my ability to concentrate when at work. I cant recall simple words and phrases. I have no ambition, have panic attacks if i have to leave the house - even to take the poor dogs outside. Prior to this despite anxiety id take my dog running and hiking. I loved activities with her. Not anymore. I know, i should see a dr/therapist/ get meds...im terrified. Im not convinced i have bipolar and am so afraid of being put on a cocktail that will wreck me again. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Were you depressed or manic before taking those pills? Withdrawal from coming off them can be brutal and mimic the disorder even if you don't have it from what I've heard. If you're still having symptoms, then I'd talk to a new psychiatrist about medication.
Most people take:
Mood stabilizer: Lithium or Lamictal
Anti-Psychotic: There are lots to choose from. I like Invega
Anti-Anxiety: Klonopin or Valium. These are supposedly better than alcohol health wise to relax.

Wow, that is a lot of meds.

Bipolar disorder is often misdiagnosed. I have read in many places of people taking lots of medication (namely, anti-psychotics) and having nasty side-effects. The most reported was massive weight gain. And all of this to find out they have been misdiagnosed.

I am not a doctor, and can't diagnose you, but considering that the signs of mania have never happened to you, I think you deserve a proper evaluation. I looked up the meds you were on that I never heard of, and there's a few antidepressants in there. Antidepressants can trigger a manic episode.

And I agree with the above post- withdrawals from medications can mimic the disorder and cause some psychosis. I think that seeing a new psychiatrist and getting another evaluation is a good idea.