Mania and cigarettes *TW*

TRIGGER WARNING: CIGARETTE TALK


This was years ago

So, long story short, I've never smoked a cigarette, and never intend to. However, when I used to work different shifts, and one of them (generally Wednesdays) would be overnight, midnight to 8am, I would get severely manic and sometimes psychotic. I would usually take my medicine at 11:30pm, unless I had to be in early the next morning, but not when working overnight. I'd take it when I got home.

So trying to keep a long story short (I'm manic now, so it's not easy), when I got manic, and would go out on smoke breaks (or just breaks for me) with the overnight manager, I just got the urge to smoke a cigarette. Like, the smell got to me. I've never minded the smell of a burning cigarette. I actually like it a little. The smell of it on your clothes, on your breath, the idea of it, what it does to you, literally everything about it disgusts me and I would never do it.

But the smell when it's burning! Oh god, I just wanted to try it. I'm glad I didn't, I have a very addictive personality. But one time, the guy who ran the store overnight, he handed me his cigarette and said "hold this, I need to check something."

I have never had bigger temptation to smoke a cigarette. I didn't. I held back, but it was there.

Does anyone else get like this when manic? I've never been drunk, I've never been high on anything, I don't smoke, chew, spit, whatever, I don't do it.

Funny that my avatar is smoking a cigarette...

Many people with mental illness smoke cigarettes. They actually handed them out to people at one psychiatric hospital I went to. I couldn't believe it at a hospital. I think it affects your dopamine and calms your nerves. It is not a good crutch though and many people absolutely hate cigarettes and think they should be banned (for good reason). I am too cheap to get addicted to them and they make you look older quickly. Lung cancer is not pretty either.

I've been smoking since I was 13, and it's unrelated to bipolar. But I suppose people seek to do things they normally wouldn't when manic. So it makes sense to me.

That being said, smoking does relax me. It hasn't aged me at all, people think I am 10 years younger than I actually am. Surprisingly, I never smell like cigarettes, either. I have quit about 4 times, I think, but I always keep going back to it because it is soothing for me. It is a nasty habit though and quite expensive where I live (I go out of county for cheaper cigs). Meh.

Hmmm yes, I've mainly smoked during my episodes. Years went by without any and then I missed my soothing cigarettes while I was on the move!

I quit smoking for good simultaneously after medication. Don't miss it, I used to experience the scent enjoyable, but now I don't.