My story, as short as I can tell it

Hi everybody,
English is not my native language, so i'm sorry about that. I`m 43 years old man.

I wrote wery long, sttory about myself, but it get lost and removed completely.
I woke up at 3:30am and cant sleep anymore.I'm here writing something about me for the the first time in my life. I have never, ever tell or write my mental ilnessesto anyone.
I hate, hate, hate witing because for example; I go doing somethig and forget to write anynomore and completely forgot the story. Hope you all undesrstant, because this seems to be largest forum in the world. .Oh, I wrote this ovr an hour.

Now tkae the brake (sleep) because I took too much seroquel abot hour ago at same time.
I can tell list of drugs and how I usw them. I took whole dose every drug at the same time. 600mg Lyrica, 1000mg seroquel, 200mg Lamictal, 600mg (i doubled it by myself) Voxra. And 10mg propral, if I have to go outside of my flat, or im Ithinking something, anything I have to do, or done something wrong.

zzzz....



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I would always contact a doctor before changing your meds around just to be safe. Insomnia is the hardest part about bipolar for me. Sometimes you need a drug cocktail to knock you out.

z7z wrote:I would always contact a doctor before changing your meds around just to be safe. Insomnia is the hardest part about bipolar for me. Sometimes you need a drug cocktail to knock you out.

I agree. Always go through your doctor before changing your medication. I took a third Geodon pill (I usually take two) and it messed me up real bad. Increased heart beat, couldn't sit still, sweating like a pig, it was a bad time overall. I would not recommend taking an extra dose of Lamictal. It could throw you off completely, and even after one dose, you could go through withdrawal symptoms.

It's evening already. Sorry to long break. I really go not remember what I did write the story which got to somewhere.
So I decide I start what is diagnosed and when.
At over 30 I was finally diagnosed to had a ADHD when I was young. Then something like depression but I didn't get the doctors even think about that. Although I have kept in my flat for five years doing nothing important. Ah, I got to say I have never tried any illegal drug if you wonder. But I already goes nowhere or too fast or too little.. still I continue; now I have ADD, Bipolar and fear of that when I'm in place with lots of people, or at doctors waiting room or meeting new people. It is not illness or anything where I'm from. Also depression is not illness here. I have collapsed few times waiting a nurse to get my shot and waiting doctor and once at the school when all the people are those I have never met.

My youth to the 17 years old went without any mental illness what I couldn't tell back then. I maybe were ADHD child but everyone thought I was just a little trickster because i did funny things or pranks, usually to adults. I met my fiancee already in kindergarten and she was basically in my class all ten years and same college at 3 years. So we did know each other about all our lives.

Now to the point I have never, ever have told to anyone. Only to nurse and nurses who give me my shot of Testosterone. And two doctors, one in the child care, and after 14years old same doctor to this date.
I didn't tell my fiancee about ilness what I was diagnosed when I was born. I cannot do a child (or make, you understand). She left me immediately when the nurse who I met every four weeks was she's friends friend, and they had seen me going to a nurse often. I couldn't say anything, just shaking and trembling. So she went to my moms place and my mom gave up and break and tell my ilness. Just that I'm not going to have my own child. I remember it everyday when she shout at me because she had eat pills.. To not get pregnant. I tried. I really tried to tell her almost every day to that point. Ive been somewhat depressed few years because she had told she want a children but when is a right time. So she left when I was 25.

I didn't know what was wrong with me even when I was 13 and I went surgery again.I remember really young, maybe 3,4,5 years old, when my mom drop my brother to kindergarten in the morning, but not me, because we went to nurse or doctor and got a shot a from needle to my bum. I remember in kindergarten when me and some other kid study ourselves in the toilet, like I think every kid do. Then he pointed at my crotch and he has odd balls there. He pointed it and asked if I have a cut like moms and his sister? All I had was some kind of furrow if touched but hardly noticeable.

I will always remember the shock when going to hospital when I was 6. And when hearing other children cry or howl in pain. I did not feel ill at all. Then they took my clothes and give me something drug to get me weary. When I woke up I feel great pain in my lower belly and in between my legs. It was horrendous! I started to cry in horror to the point I got something to get me sleep. In a week or two I was back in the home. I have about 7cm (three inch) wounds under lower belly, in left and right, which were stiched. Yes, left and right. And some kind of ball under the skin under my dick.

Now I go to sleep. My ADD makes me jump all around and to do ten things at the same time or got very depressed because of bipolar medicine. See you again. I try to continue but I can't promise anything. I haven't promised anything after, I made a promise, and never can redeem it.

I agree. Be careful increasing man. Hang in and if you need support we are here. G

I want to extend a warm welcome to you, Ayon