Out of options.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I need to vent. And maybe someone can offer me helpful advice or internet hugs.

I just got off of the phone with my counselor. Last time I saw her, she said I need a re-evaluation/second opinion. So I called 3 places and they don't do one-time visits. I called my my counselor and told her this and she said that my NP is dropping me and I need to seek treatment elsewhere. I'm very upset by this.

So, I called my lawyer's office and spoke to a case worker while hysterically crying, asking if this will ruin my disability case. She said it wouldn't and not to worry about it, as they have all of my records.

But since these 3 places I called are very far away from my house, and I don't drive, I called my insurance to see if there's a place closer to me that I can go. She found one in the city next to mine, so I called them and got an answering machine so I left my name and number and they probably won't even call me back so I'm going to have to keep trying.

I just don't understand why my NP won't leave me on Lamictal and leave it at that. She says she's a "disservice" to me and is out of ideas how to treat me. But even if I get an appointment with a psychiatrist, they are going to throw all of these drugs at me that cause weight gain, and I'll be damned if I gain anymore weight. I'm having a hard enough time dragging around the extra 50 lbs as it is and it's ruining my quality of life, and I'm just not doing it anymore. So if I refuse treatment, I won't get my disability approved. But I'm technically not denying it, as I want to stay on Lamictal and Klonopin.

I just don't know what to do. I'm so close to saying ###$ it, I'll just live with my illness untreated. But that will make me end up in the hospital all the time. I have already been in the hospital 6 times in the last 3 years and my symptoms have gotten so bad that I can't even work anymore.

What do I do?

This is outta my wheel house for several reasons...
But you're a resourceful person and I have confidence that you'll figure this out and you'll be just fine.
Don't panic. Make a plan. Follow through. You'll be fine.

I would focus on getting your disability taken care of and finding a new pdoc. Try not to stress about it and make sure you are happy with what they prescribe you or find a different pdoc if they are rigid. I know disability isn't much so see if you can do small odd jobs for some extra cash and try to get a car if possible (used Civic/Corolla highly recommended). It makes life a lot easier. Half a drink, a bath, do some yoga, go for a jog, watch a comedy to get your mind off things. Don't worry be happy basically.

I don't have much in the way of advice, but I would like to add that it took my psychiatrist/therapist a few days to give me a call back. Scheduling an appointment is another thing, but the call back could take a week or two.

Hope you find your way through this, JB. Will be praying for you and keeping you in my thoughts.

Big hugs to you, Jelly. I'm sorry about this situation you find yourself in. I generally agree with z7z about trying to nail down disability and then moving on to a new Pdoc. I have a close friend who is in the same boat, for the most part.

Also, just a note about Klonopin. My sister's doctor is steering her patients away from it because she sees real issues with memory issues. Naturally, consult a doctor about this. If you're taking it PRN maybe that won't be an issue. I won't take benzos anymore. I forbid my doctor from giving them to me, even if I asked.

Thanks everyone.

Well, I don't drive because I have terrible anxiety about it and it terrifies me, so driving is out of the question.

My Klonopin is PRN. I get anxiety before entering social situations, or before work (when I was working).

So wow.. as I was typing this, they called me back! I have an appointment on November 21st. And Otter- you were right. The lady on the phone said I need an evaluation to determine if I should keep taking Klonopin. If this doctor takes it away I am screwed. I have been on it for 3 years and I'm not addicted to it. One bottle last me months, I only take it when I need it. I'm scared of seeing a new doctor too.. I will take Klonopin before my my appointment.

Yay for getting a call back! <(^o^)>

As for the new appointment, that's generally the wait time. I waited about a month and a half for my first psych appointment. Keep us updated, JB!

Glad to hear you got an appointment! I hope it goes well for you.
I recently went through a similar situation. My pdoc dropped me as he was leaving his practice and I had two months before I had no more refills on my clozapine. Well two months passed and I couldn't find a damn doctor to prescribe the med. My PCP ended up giving me a months worth along with the orders for the lab work which saved me. I did end up finding a new pdoc luckily, even though she's not the greatest.
Good luck!

Sending many cyber hugs your way! Good luck! And keep us updated.

Yay JB!! I haven't been around for a few days so when I saw this thread I got sad... but I'm so happy you got a call back You might have some delays but I bet you'll have disability in no time.