I just don't know what to do anymore. I need to vent. And maybe someone can offer me helpful advice or internet hugs.
I just got off of the phone with my counselor. Last time I saw her, she said I need a re-evaluation/second opinion. So I called 3 places and they don't do one-time visits. I called my my counselor and told her this and she said that my NP is dropping me and I need to seek treatment elsewhere. I'm very upset by this.
So, I called my lawyer's office and spoke to a case worker while hysterically crying, asking if this will ruin my disability case. She said it wouldn't and not to worry about it, as they have all of my records.
But since these 3 places I called are very far away from my house, and I don't drive, I called my insurance to see if there's a place closer to me that I can go. She found one in the city next to mine, so I called them and got an answering machine so I left my name and number and they probably won't even call me back so I'm going to have to keep trying.
I just don't understand why my NP won't leave me on Lamictal and leave it at that. She says she's a "disservice" to me and is out of ideas how to treat me. But even if I get an appointment with a psychiatrist, they are going to throw all of these drugs at me that cause weight gain, and I'll be damned if I gain anymore weight. I'm having a hard enough time dragging around the extra 50 lbs as it is and it's ruining my quality of life, and I'm just not doing it anymore. So if I refuse treatment, I won't get my disability approved. But I'm technically not denying it, as I want to stay on Lamictal and Klonopin.
I just don't know what to do. I'm so close to saying ###$ it, I'll just live with my illness untreated. But that will make me end up in the hospital all the time. I have already been in the hospital 6 times in the last 3 years and my symptoms have gotten so bad that I can't even work anymore.
What do I do?