Polarized

I do this thing. I obsess over new people or things, and then as quickly as it comes, I'm done with them.

It's not really a problem with things, unless I sink money into something and never touch it again.
::glances at chainmaille stuff::
It's a bigger problem with people, because I'm polarized AF...

This time last year, I was deep in the midst of a seemingly unending depression that has only lifted as recently as last month. During that time, I became close with a person I've know for a while as a distant acquaintance. He got a BP Dx and I've never been shy about my BP, so I guess I just seemed like a good person to reach out to.
We developed a routine of watching AHS and some other shows at his house every Friday. It was nice for me because otherwise I didn't leave the house or see anyone.

Nice and good, fast forward to a few month ago. He's recovered from his scrape with rock bottom, gotten balanced on his meds, and picked up a friend group.
To his credit, he tried to include me, got me invited to their get-togethers and stuff, but these just aren't people I would be friends with. So, instead of finding me a place in his world, we just haven't seen each other for a few months.
During that time, he updated me on his friend group. A girl had a breakdown and long story short SHE HAS ######6 BP TOO?! How over-diagnosed is BP? Or does EVERYONE just have it? (I don't even feel special anymore. /s)
Also during that time, I hit my own rock bottom. Long story short, I'm alive but that's really because of chance. During MY spiral, he didn't even ask how I am. I'd told him I was having a hard time, and instead of being there he was off with his new friend group. And that was honestly fine...

Until AHS started again. Why? Because somehow I'm expected to go to his place and just resume my role. I resent that idea. It's not like he even bothered to check on me. His friend withdraws and has a breakdown and he's there for her, but I withdraw and don't even SEE HIM for MONTHS and that's not at all suspicious? Really? Really really? Also, I'm finally on an upswing. No part of me wants to spend my Friday nights on his sofa watching TV. I prefer to enjoy my upswings... even if that's just me at home alone screaming at a video game (cuz I do that and I can't game when I'm depressed... I've so much to catch up on.)

Anyways... My point is, as far as my black and white brain goes, he's in the black. I don't give a ###$ anymore. BUT how the ###$ do you friend-break-up with someone who didn't REALLY do anything wrong? It's not like I reached out to him and asked for help, he just didn't actually notice anything was wrong... and I resent that because he's so wrapped up in these new people that he couldn't see it. But really, not noticing isn't a crime. If I'd ended up dead, he'd have been surprised, even though all the signs were there, just like everyone is always surprised when people end up dead.

So, while I don't give a damn about him anymore, I'm aware that my polarized thought process isn't socially acceptable and saying, "I just don't care about you anymore" is a dick move... but I don't wanna be friends with him anymore. We no longer share interests... So how do I do this... kindly?

How over-diagnosed is BP? Or does EVERYONE just have it? (I don't even feel special anymore.

So is one part of the purpose of your established diagnosis for it to validate your uniquality?

but I don't wanna be friends with him anymore. We no longer share interests... So how do I do this... kindly?

Have you imaginad how you would break this down to him instead of us,
if you two could have a chance to sit together to discuss your impressions and disappointments in brief?

The psychiatrist I see said to me once that bipolar, in his words, is indeed overdiagnosed. But it's been years since he said that.

Rev678 wrote:
During that time, I became close with a person I've know for a while as a distant acquaintance. He got a BP Dx and I've never been shy about my BP, so I guess I just seemed like a good person to reach out to.
We developed a routine of watching AHS and some other shows at his house every Friday. It was nice for me because otherwise I didn't leave the house or see anyone.

I know what you mean about it feeling nice that you could meet someone and share something in common.

I read your post and I'd feel just like you do, I don't give a $#%^.

Rev678 wrote:
Until AHS started again. Why? Because somehow I'm expected to go to his place and just resume my role. I resent that idea. It's not like he even bothered to check on me. His friend withdraws and has a breakdown and he's there for her, but I withdraw and don't even SEE HIM for MONTHS and that's not at all suspicious? Really? Really really?

I understand what you are trying to convey.

Rev678 wrote:
So, while I don't give a damn about him anymore, I'm aware that my polarized thought process isn't socially acceptable and saying, "I just don't care about you anymore" is a dick move... but I don't wanna be friends with him anymore. We no longer share interests... So how do I do this... kindly?

My view on this is that you're just being honest with yourself about how you really see things between the two of you at this point. I'd reach out to him and talk. Somehow bring up the subject about how he hasn't called or that you both no longer will watch AHS anymore. Just put it out there and see how things go. That's what I would do. Sometimes the way I see it is that I leave what used to be a "friend" as an acquaintance now and they are no longer at a level of high importance in my life anymore. But at least he knows a little bit of what you think. This is what I would want to do. What do you think of what I just wrote? Would you be willing to do something like that? I'd feel it's only fair to yourself.

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

How over-diagnosed is BP? Or does EVERYONE just have it? (I don't even feel special anymore.

So is one part of the purpose of your established diagnosis for it to validate your uniquality?[/unquote]

The /s at the end of the "I don't even feel special anymore" statement, which you left off in the quote, stands for sarcasm. I forgot not everyone hangs out on Reddit.

[quote-"InquisitivePursuer"]

but I don't wanna be friends with him anymore. We no longer share interests... So how do I do this... kindly?

Have you imaginad how you would break this down to him instead of us,
if you two could have a chance to sit together to discuss your impressions and disappointments in brief?

I feel like if I broke it down for him like this I just come off as mean.
And there's really no other way to break it down... I liked him at the time, and now I don't.
I'm a dick like that. I know it's #######5, but there's nothing he could or that I could do to like him again.

As much as I'm over him, I still don't want to even peripherally do something he could blame a mood swing on. BP is still new to him and he uses it as an excuse for EVERYTHING. It's old hat for me... I've been Dx'd for 12 years so I don't use it as an excuse for anything anymore... He's just over a year with a Dx, so everything is still something he can pin on BP instead of something he can take responsibility for and change.

quietgirl2538 wrote:My view on this is that you're just being honest with yourself about how you really see things between the two of you at this point. I'd reach out to him and talk. Somehow bring up the subject about how he hasn't called or that you both no longer will watch AHS anymore. Just put it out there and see how things go. That's what I would do. Sometimes the way I see it is that I leave what used to be a "friend" as an acquaintance now and they are no longer at a level of high importance in my life anymore. But at least he knows a little bit of what you think. This is what I would want to do. What do you think of what I just wrote? Would you be willing to do something like that? I'd feel it's only fair to yourself.

Honestly, I just want him to go away and leave me alone.
He's got his new little friend group, and that's great. I wish him the best...
Just... not with me in his life anymore.
I can't think of any nice way to say, "be happy, just don't call me anymore."

An old friend of mine used to say in an angry way, "Lose my number!" I'm not saying you should say it like that, but I liked saying it and I have actually gone and deleted people's phone numbers. I went and used that phrase for myself.

I feel like if I broke it down for him like this I just come off as mean

What's so bad about coming across mean?

Hasn't he been mean to you?
So why should it then be forbidden for you to simply react according to the nature of the action?

People are not intrinsically nice, that is a fallacy.
To be nice is to adjust to social customs or be considerate to someone's feelings,
yet at some point it would seem ideal to grow a little more considerate towards your self, wouldn't it?
instead of continuing to attach such an inordinate degree of importance toensuring that you don't offend someone.

Where do you think you've got this trait from?

He's got his new little friend group, and that's great. I wish him the best

Do you?

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

I feel like if I broke it down for him like this I just come off as mean

What's so bad about coming across mean?

Hasn't he been mean to you?

No, he hasn't.
Oblivious, yes, but not mean.
You can't blame people for unobservant, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

He's got his new little friend group, and that's great. I wish him the best

Do you?

Yes. I do. Just not with me in his life.
Malice is only fun when it's deserved.
Being a douchemonger for the sake of being jerk is childish AND meaningless.

Rev678 wrote:

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

I feel like if I broke it down for him like this I just come off as mean

What's so bad about coming across mean?

Hasn't he been mean to you?

No, he hasn't.
Oblivious, yes, but not mean.
You can't blame people for unobservant, but it doesn't mean you have to like it.

InquisitivePursuer wrote:

He's got his new little friend group, and that's great. I wish him the best

Do you?

Yes. I do. Just not with me in his life.
Malice is only fun when it's deserved.
Being a douchemonger for the sake of being jerk is childish AND meaningless.

I see.
Well, it seems you just have to follow your gut as you look like you know what's up and what needs to be done.