Bi polar meds do they help..

I have bipolar 2. Never had mania or psychosis. I went into a deep depression and was given lexapro as the doc thought it was just a major depressive episode. I didn't shoot through the roof. What I got was unimaginable anxiety. They tried a bunch of meds that made me sick. Finally they came to zyprexa and lithium citrate. I started having horrible suicidal tendencies from the zyprexa so I stopped. I talk to pdoc asap. The lithium seems to help with the anxiety. The thing is all these drugs... and I have tried 18 of them make me feel numb and thus more depressed. I don't know what to do and am hoping for a positive story. I know if I smoke indica marajuana my anxiety... but not the depression... goes away. I feel pot has some helpful potential if it was understood and used and prescribed properly. But I'm very scared now for my well being so I'm not smoking pot and I'm hoping these scary head meds can make me feel better. Im getting into a very tired worn down place and need some relief. Before the lexapro incident i was med free and felt a ton better then i do now. The issue is that im scared to not be on these meds because since the lexapro the anxiety is too much. Im also scared to use pot even though it helps as i want help and am willing to do whatever the pdoc asks at this point. In short since the lexapro i feel im a prisoner of meds and at the same time the meds are worsening me yet keeping back the unbearable anxiety. The lexapro was stopped 4 months ago and I don't get manic...or again physcosis but the depression is bad... the anxiety much worse. I was handling the depression but without meds that make the depression worse I cannot handle the anxiety. I notice people stable on these heavy meds and I salute you as I don't know how these strong chemicals can be helping. They just make me sad and numb... killing anxiety and life..joy..feeling..and thus my will at times to live. Should I keep believing in these meds. Do I stay off pot even though it helps and use benzos instead. I'm lost and scared now. I don't know what to do any longer and am picturing an entire life where I'm numb sad and don't feel...and I just don't see how to do that. I also just had some huge traumas so those feelings sadden me each day. Is there any way to be stable because I don't know what that word means anymore. I just want to feel a mediocre day here and there. Thank you to those that are on this forum. Thank you all for caring. You are the toughest warriors in this world considering the strength this all takes.

We actually aren't supposed to give medical advice at all on this forum or recommend anything. But if the mods will allow it, I will say that 5 years later I am very glad I chose to stay on my meds. They are the reason my life is completely different. I took a break from them for 3-4 months this year and I spiraled right back into a horrible place mentally. They make a huge difference in my life that is VERY noticeable to both myself and others around me.

antisocialsocialclub wrote:We actually aren't supposed to give medical advice at all on this forum or recommend anything. But if the mods will allow it...

Just to clarify. It's ok to talk about one's own meds and even dosages, how they affected you, if you came off them, etc; in other words, your story.

We just want to stay away from the "You should take so-and-so meds...", or "Double your dosage, you'll be better...". Etc. So, fine/good post antisocialsocialclub.

@OP - As I mentioned in a different post the med thing is a tricky one. We are all "chemically different" and our reactions are different. It took me a good deal of time to work the proper combination. And even when I did find the right combination it was only good enough to get me on my feet to do some of the things that would really change my life. In fact, the changes I have made were so significant I am starting to wean myself off of meds or, at least, reduce my dosage - especially the antipsychotics. But, for me, there was no way I could have gotten up to make changes to my life without meds.

Meds are tools.

I know what you mean. I have been on many meds and they all gave me gnarly side-effects, didn't work, or made things worse. I have been on the same med combo for a year, and at one point my dosages were so high that I felt like a zombie. I was totally flat and that made me feel worse. I was miserable. I have decided to stop taking anti-psychotics and deal with the depression on my own.

I don't really have any advice, but I agree with what Otter said.

Coming off meds can cause the withdrawal symptoms even if you don't have an illness from what I've heard. Someone could just have a psychotic or depressive episode and be given meds and then they are hooked on meds unless they slowly taper off them.

Otter... what are the significant changes you are making that you find are helping. If this is already on another post where can I find it. It would be inspiring to hear some ways to improve without meds... thank you

Hi Gb,

I posted here.

bipolar/topic198734.html#p2064240

I think it was your first post here.

I can't add much to the excellent replies you've already received, except to reiterate that meds have always been a fundamental part of my recovery, ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder around 15 years ago. However, gaining stability through meds is only one aspect of recovery- something of a starting point, I'd say, that allows other changes to be made, in terms of lifestyle and thinking patterns, for example. As has been said, the whole picture in terms of gaining true wellness can include factors such as a good sleeping pattern, diet, exercise, therapy, healthy relationships, fulfilling work/volunteering etc.

I'm not at the point of being 'high functioning' at the moment, but have been in the past, and at those times, meds were a crucial part of my stability, but certainly not the only one, and other factors definitely played their part. I'm now trying hard to get back to being higher functioning and more satisfied with my life, after a string of bad years and having withdrawn from 'normal life' to some extent.

I hope this helps somewhat. Thinking of you, Gbclimb, and sending lots of hugs, if wanted.

Otter wrote:

antisocialsocialclub wrote:We actually aren't supposed to give medical advice at all on this forum or recommend anything. But if the mods will allow it...

Just to clarify. It's ok to talk about one's own meds and even dosages, how they affected you, if you came off them, etc; in other words, your story.

We just want to stay away from the "You should take so-and-so meds...", or "Double your dosage, you'll be better...". Etc. So, fine/good post antisocialsocialclub.

@OP - As I mentioned in a different post the med thing is a tricky one. We are all "chemically different" and our reactions are different. It took me a good deal of time to work the proper combination. And even when I did find the right combination it was only good enough to get me on my feet to do some of the things that would really change my life. In fact, the changes I have made were so significant I am starting to wean myself off of meds or, at least, reduce my dosage - especially the antipsychotics. But, for me, there was no way I could have gotten up to make changes to my life without meds.

Meds are tools.

Okay thanks Ennui

Gbclimb wrote:
Thank you to those that are on this forum. Thank you all for caring. You are the toughest warriors in this world considering the strength this all takes.

Those are the nicest and kindest words I've heard.

I think those with mental illness and for us on the bipolar forum, those of us with bipolar, are tough warriors like you describe. It does take strength and at times it feels like we struggle on alone.

I will be honest. Meds took a really long time for them to work for me. I found an antipsychotic that I really liked, Abilify and it was great at helping me to be stable. But the side effects were not good for my health and I kept gaining weight on it. I've come to a point that the weight gain is here to stay. I know that I don't exercise so that doesn't help things, but it's very difficult even with exercise as I've tried it in the past. No one understands that unless they are in your shoes, so don't let others convince you that you are wrong. Losing weight while being on bipolar meds is very difficult or near to impossible. I don't care what many others say, I know my body well, and I can't lose the weight. Aside from that rant, meds help. I take diazepam (valium) for my terrible anxiety. I have anxiety almost every single day. I'm allowed to take it every day. If that med doesn't work, the pdoc will prescribe me a different one by me making a phone call and leaving a message. I take vraylar. It is an antipsychotic and it helps to stabilize my moods and I'm not sure what else it does besides that. I take Wellbutrin, an antidepressant and it helps my depression with the help of the mood stabilizer, lamictal. Lamictal is used to help depression. I've had my few emotional shifts where I go from normal to depressed or normal to hypomanic, but overall, this combination seems to work. If that were to change, I'd be at the doctor's office trying something different. Without meds I'd be in the state hospital for months or however long it took to stabilize me. So I am thankful that what I take now, does work. Don't give up. Ask questions here about meds and how they have affected others. Learn of the side effects by doing google searches. Go to the book store or shop online for good books about the disorder and learn all you can. Ask for book recommendations. (A book recommendation can be given with the title of the book and author's name but no links to a site where it's being sold, no commercial links, that is) Use this forum for peer support and for gathering information. You are in good company here.