what is this.. advice please.

I don’t know how I am going to write this write now but I will try.

I haven’t slept all week. 2 nights with absolutely no sleep. My mind is racing I can’t fall asleep because I have too many things I need to do. So I do some of them. At 12 am. But I am stressing out about not sleeping because I know I need it. Now I am crying because I don’t know what I am feeling. I cannot concentrate on anything. Needing to read things over three times. Again, writing this is difficult. Many backspaces used. Day to day I am confident I feel like I am good at my job. I start a new business. All while underneath I feel like I cannot go on. What’s the point? I can’t keep feeling like this. Suicidal thoughts run through my mind. I workout and I keep myself ‘busy,’ doing the things that I think about at night, and that I didn’t get done at that time. Physical energy is there. Sexual energy is elevated. But I have no mental energy. I don’t want to do anything. I feel ashamed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t think I’m up. All I know is I feel agitated and f****d up.

You know a lot of what you describe was me in college vocational nursing school. I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't sleep and I would do just like do, read things over and over. But it wouldn't stick. I look back and I strongly suspected a manic episode for me. I have experienced those very same feelings you share as a mixed episode. Only a doctor can say what you are going through, but that's what I went through. Do you have someone to seek help from, such as a doctor, therapist, close friend or family member,--even a suicidal hot line or even try the emergency room. I've tried all of those except the hot line but I now have it saved in my phone in case I am ever in need. They are available for you and are there for a reason.

Here is a link to international hotlines:

http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki ... _Directory

Here is the # to the one in the US 1-800-273-8255 here is the link to it and you can chat with someone online. https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I would recommend talking to a very good friend and confiding in them so they can be there for you. That's what I would do. But all of these hotlines are there for you too, just in case. Please be safe. Let us know how you are.

I do have my doctor and my husband I can go to. but i feel like no one understands.

I know that feeling too, like no one understands. But don't let that stop you from seeking others out. You shouldn't be carrying this weight on your own. I remember telling a friend and just crying and she responded with words that were not very helpful. But it helped me for just a little bit. I wasn't completely alone. The therapist helped me a lot more. I scheduled an emergency appointment. At that time she said I should be hospitalized but I didn't have anyone to watch my kids and it had to wait until my husband could be home as he was out of town. Can you schedule an emergency appointment with your doctor and see if they can help out with tweaking the meds? Or if it gets bad enough, can you have yourself hospitalized? You shouldn't have to suffer like this when there is help out there. What do you think?

i don't feel like I'm to the point where i need to go to the hospital. I've been there plenty of times and i don't feel like I'm there yet but if it gets to that i am okay with that decision. I've talked to my doctor and she gave me some trazodone to go on top of my other meds (lithium, seroquel, abilify). I am hoping this lets me sleep and i can start feeling better. I have an appointment with her next Thursday so i hope I can wait it out. but i will try to talk to my husband more and maybe a friend. thanks quietgirl.

quietgirl2538 wrote:You know a lot of what you describe was me in college vocational nursing school. I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't sleep and I would do just like do, read things over and over. But it wouldn't stick. I look back and I strongly suspected a manic episode for me.

Wow I never thought of this as an episode for some reason, but I do this all the time (much worse when I was in college though.) I'm not as bad normally with sleep now, but back in school days it was exactly like that all the time. I remember reading pages that weren't hard to read over and over and over but it always seemed like some sort of magic spell was preventing me from actually absorbing the material as I read it.

Holodeck wrote:

quietgirl2538 wrote:You know a lot of what you describe was me in college vocational nursing school. I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't sleep and I would do just like do, read things over and over. But it wouldn't stick. I look back and I strongly suspected a manic episode for me.

Wow I never thought of this as an episode for some reason, but I do this all the time (much worse when I was in college though.) I'm not as bad normally with sleep now, but back in school days it was exactly like that all the time. I remember reading pages that weren't hard to read over and over and over but it always seemed like some sort of magic spell was preventing me from actually absorbing the material as I read it.

I also had impulsivity, high risk behavior, feeling like I was on top of the world and it eventually led me to also believe I could communicate telepathically, psychosis. I was not well. It just got worse and worse and I didn't even think there was anything wrong with me or else I would have asked for help. I just didn't know any better. I eventually almost got kicked out of the dorms and I couldn't keep up with schoolwork and had problems getting along with others that I dropped out of school because it was too much for me.