I'm always trying to trigger mania

Semi-Interesting wrote:What do you think you might you want to do which others i.e Psychiatrists, and those with Manic Depression might be disapproving of. I'd be interested to hear so I can understand how similar your hypomania is to my baseline experience...I've a feeling it might be quite similar

Pdocs and other BP patients would discourage what this thread speaks of - triggering mania; in my case hypomania. With an engineered alternate diagnosis and a gullible primary, I got the right mix to do it, at least much of the time (I can't beat big dark). 150 mg trazadone around midnight, 40 mg immediate release adderall around 6 am, add water and stir. I was operating with a finding of moderate depression and ADHD. I had my primary take over meds and then I told her the 20 mg XR adderal kept me up, so can I get immediate? She switched me without changing the dosage, so you can get 24 hrs worth in your bloodstream in about 20 minutes. But that wears off around lunch time; can I get a bump for the afternoon? Then I had a 2 a day scrip. When something happened that made me face up to my real diagnosis and I went to a new pdoc, my med list didn't fly. How does someone subject to mania get 40 mg of immediate release adderall to play with every day? I came clean.

So, mood stabilizers now. But as far as what my hypomania is like to compare...
I don't finish some of my sentences and don't finish some words while typing.
I will skip whole sections of an explanation and then get irritated when people don't follow it.
My humor doesn't honor social taboos and the filter between brain and mouth misses a lot. In a cruel twist, inappropriate sentences are almost always intact/complete.
I am very dismissive of other people. I am operating on another plane and if they are still talking it's because they don't understand and I need to cut them off and correct that.
I am very easily aroused.
I feel skinnier and smarter.

A little more...
The "skinnier" bit is a little unnerving. I see myself in a mirror sometimes and don't think it's me. Only for a second or so, but it's true confusion not just disappointment. This does not happen every time.
I do get urges to do risky things but mostly resist, only giving in if I mitigate the risk substantially (like be naked where getting caught would be embarrassing, but not result in arrest). I haven't given in to the vandalism urge in about 40 years, but I still have it.

but wait there's more...
I forgot about the micro/mini panic attacks. The aforementioned "that's not me" in the mirror is an example. Little things, real or imagined, that come into my head seem to startle/freak me and I get that wave of panic feeling when there really is something wrong, like remembering you are supposed to be somewhere for a very important reason too late or not being able to find your ticket at the door of a sold out show. It could me something simple and real like I left my travel mug in the car (which is in the driveway) or imagined like edge of vision "not really hallucinations" but my mind went with something pretty far fetched as the first choice as to what it might be.
Also, one more detail on the skinnier bit is that I have a picture of myself in my head that's probably 30 years old. Not always and it only takes a second for me to realize it isn't real.

@UpDownAround

Maybe since you have basically hijacked this thread and completely disregarded the OP's concerns, it might be time to start a journal:

online-journals/