Hello. I May be Crazy in Love

Hi I'm new-ish to the Psychforum community and I'm finally sharing my long, long story. I'm not sure if this topic should be in the bipolar forum, but since I am bipolar I thought this is where I'd start. This is probably going to turn out as a short story so thanks to anyone who takes the time to read and respond.

About 4 years ago I watched a movie and you could say I "fell in love" with a certain celebrity. I watched all their movies, kept up on their gossip, dreamed about them at night, the whole shabang. Then about a year ago I suffered from a severe manic episode that involved this celebrity. I was delusional and truly believed that this celebrity was also in love with me and that we would run off into the sunset together. Over the two month span of my episode we "communicated" using song lyrics from Pandora, YouTube, or just my Ipod. They would play a song, I would respond. Obviously it was just the app or Ipod randomly selecting music, but I would creatively come up with songs to reply back with. It was a rather entertaining game. Of course the mania made me feel deep, passionate, profound love for this celebrity who I'm sure has no idea I exist. But in that two month wild manic state, I thought this celebrity wanted me, loved me, and would do anything for me as I would have done for them. The come down from mania nearly broke my heart.

Well here I am a year later and I've tried to forget this celebrity, but it's damn near impossible. I'll hear a certain song from that time that'll give me goosebumps. I'll hear other songs and think wouldn't that have been a good song to pick for them. Now I've studied film and wrote a few screenplays so I started to come up with an idea that I know has about a .1% chance of working, but I think I'm willing to try.

I want to write a movie inspired by the events that went on during my episode. The people and story line will be altered, but the gist remains the same: falling in love with some intangible being using only song lyrics. My hopes are that if I write this thing and it's good enough, like award winning good enough, which I think the story has potential to be, that maybe I would have a shot at getting this celebrity's attention. I know it's impossible, but part of me, the hopeless romantic who believes sometimes the universe sends signs, and who believes that life is short and if you want something you should stop at nothing to get it sometimes takes over.

I guess my intention of writing this movie would be to create something beautiful, meaningful and eye opening to the bipolar experience. And maybe something beautiful enough that if this celebrity found out that they were the inspiration then they would maybe feel the some way about me too. I know it's irrational, that it's damn near impossible, and no I'm not still delusional, but this celebrity went on an incredibly journey with me and it's something I cannot easily forget.

You may know her work in Silver Linings Playbook, that's the first movie of hers that I watched, which to me is painfully ironic. So tell me if I'm crazy, if it's impossible and I should give up, or maybe there's someone out there who can tell me to believe, to go for it, to try, to maybe fail, but to at least know that I did everything I possibly could to get who I believe is maybe the love of my crazy little life (even though it's probably impossible that I am the love of hers.)

I'm not manic right now, I've been stable for a year, I go to therapy (not for this), and I adhere to my medications, but I've just had uncontrollable feelings for years and I don't know what to do about it. So thanks for reading, any feedback or advice is greatly appreciated. And yes, I know this has about a .1% chance of ever happening, but I guess I want to know if there's someone out there who's rooting for me.

I would stop this as soon as possible. Sounds like you are obsessed and verging on stalking, no offense. I don't want you to get in legal trouble though.

My BP wife is going through this exact thing. She believes that's a celebrity is in love with her and him her. She says they talk telapathically and he sends her messages through YouTube videos and Twitter. She has left me and our 3 kids and moved across the country. She said that he is coming to get her because they are soulmates that have been married through previous lives. She has even said I stole her from him and he has came to take back what is his.

Please talk to someone about this. My wife has ruined her life and severely damage our kids and mine.

Believe it or not, I had such similar thoughts as you do except they were delusional for me. It was all a different scenario but still very similar. You need to tell your doctor and your therapist if you see one. If you don't already see a therapist, I highly recommend you see one because these thoughts, if they were like mine, are really hard or nearly impossible to talk yourself out of. I don't know why this is so, but I "woke" up, (figuratively speaking) from those thoughts and I felt such shame and embarrassment. And like BeingLimitless shared, it can and does ruin relationships. Some things will never be able to be taken back, like certain behavior, and you have to deal with the aftermath. Please seek help.

Hi LeakyTuba.

This is a variation on a story I have heard before. Sometime it does not end well... behavior moves from being mildly delusional to obsessive and ends up in criminal charges and either jail or being involuntarily admitted to the rubber room hotel. The food is bad in prison and the psych hospital. You don't want to go there.

All I can say is you know it is irrational. Get help to get over it before something happens that you regret.

Boring eh. I'm no fun. Sorry.
But if you are nice, I will show you my collection of memorabilia from the superstar of my dreams.
Did you know I have a Starbucks cup that may be the one she used when she visited my city? I picked it out of the garbage at a Starbucks that was close to where she was shooting a TV Commercial. I am able to tell it was hers because of the cosmic energy. I can't afford to have it tested for DNA, but who needs proof when you have love? Please disregard the whole last paragraph. My imagination is in high gear.

Thank you all for replying! If I could delete this post and move on I would, but unfortunately it's not possible to delete a post, which is probably a good thing so you can learn from your mistakes. I think I needed someone to confirm that this was indeed dangerous and impossible, so I really appreciate you all sharing your similar stories. I was not manic when I shared this story (I see a psychiatrist, take meds and see a therapist), but I think I clung on to what I thought to be so powerfully true because mania can make you feel and believe an incredible number of things, hence delusions. I have since moved on from these feelings and have let go of my false beliefs and cannot thank you all enough for the push in the right direction. Someday I do want to complete a screenplay with a story similar to mine, but for now I can assure you all that I have moved on in a healthy way, but I will continue to jot down thoughts and ideas as they come to me. Thanks again for your thoughts and comments, I hope I can return the support someday should the time come.
Cheers