I'm a bad person

Hello everyone, I've posted on this forum post my bp II diagnosis, so I figured I would come here because I honestly can't think of another place to put this out. I've honestly done so many horrible things. For starters, I've cyber bullied people over an online game where I said horrible nasty racist comments as well as making threats and telling people I hope their parents died (I know what the ###$ I'm awful). I also have lied so much in my life, because I was afraid of getting in trouble. One time I stole cigarettes, and lied about doing it. I also had a bong in my room and blamed it on someone else when confronted. When I was younger I can remember times when I had inappropriately touched others and it makes me feel sick thinking about it. Recently, I got served with a restraining order because I posted a bad online review about a specific place and I got in a fight with someone in the comments. I just feel like an awful human being. I'm 18 years old and I just keep remember all of the ###$ up #######5 things I've done and I feel like there is absolutely no hope for me. I have a severe temper and I keep starting fights with people. I know that I'm only doing all of this to myself and honestly if I keep going down this road I'll probably be in jail. I'm just ######6 awful and sometimes I feel like I am in a bad dream and I wish I could just wake up and be a good person. So many people in my life have called me an awful person and I really believe it. I don't want to be like this. I feel like the need to post this to get it all out here because I seriously feel like a bad person.

Well you can't change the past but you can be better in the future. Recognizing your mistakes and actively changing your behavior will help you going forward. It doesn't do any good to dwell on the past.