Optimism vs long term prospects

Anyone else suffer from this?

Generally I have a tough time thinking and planning for the future because my life has been chaotic mostly since my bipolar diagnosis going into hospital having manic episodes etc and making embarrassing choices through social media and in person. It feels like my reputation is in tatters.

But then sometimes I have a good day or two and get optimistic about a job etc only for that foreboding voice of doom to question everything based on my wreck of a past.
The lack of stability is really crippling.

I feel the same way when I am experiencing some mood instability, whether it's depression or mania. But really, mostly depression. I experience much more depression than mania. So I always seem to go from mood swing to mood swing and it just ruins my good moments and they don't seem long-lasting.

I've finally come around to some sort of "acceptance" that helps me feel a bit better. I just feel sorry for myself, because I do go through so much. I get down and I stop exercising, I eat terrible and I just seem to let myself go. No makeup, I get behind on things that are important to me. But then I feel better and it just seems to be a cycle that never ends. I just accept that my life is having to deal with a lot of bipolar issues and that's ok.

I have also made embarrassing choices and I have had to move on, sometimes it's not easy to do. Yes this lack of stability is not something I would like to claim is a good thing. It's not terrible anymore but it's disrupting for my optimistic moments. I do, however, in finding acceptance, can now try to just take it a day at a time, a week at a time, a month at a time, stretching it out like that. Anyway, this helps me.

^
Yeah time helps sometimes to give perspective but can't erase the embarrassing episodes which become more pertinent when trying to get the car back in the road so to speak.