People like my "hypomania". Do I really experience it?

Many months ago, I intended to try to get a second opinion after I got a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, which seemed like a misdiagnosis. However, I put that off when therapy seemed to be helping.

I have started considering that again because I am going through a stressful time, which exacerbated my sleep issues and mood swings. Also, before that happened, I observed that during my "highs", I tend to sleep less and be more restless while sleeping, thanks to an app on my phone.

After observing that, I asked a close friend if I was acting unusual during a specific time a remember feeling high. They said that I was more hyper and seemed very excited, and that I was really happy. They asked me if I was excited about something, and I told them I felt euphoric for no apparent reason. Despite that, they thought it was good because I look my best and am at my best when I'm like that.

Also, my parents sometimes notice there are times when I am more agitated and I move more abruptly. They often suggest things to do when I'm acting like that because they know that I feel a strong need to keep myself active. But they don't seem to be concerned, even when I bring up that I get less sleep. They say, "Well, maybe sometimes you don't need as much sleep", and that it is just a cycle I have.

I also remember one time during a high when my mom commented that she was glad that I was so happy because she was so concerned when I was miserable all the time and did not want to do anything. A few days later, I got depressed again.

All these positive responses make me wonder if nothing is really wrong with me for feeling like that. I mean, I like feeling that way too. If I keep myself active enough, that is. If I don't, I feel irritable. Also, I sometimes feel like this is all fake because when I'm at my baseline mood or when depressed, I look back at my highs and think it doesn't feel like me. It feels fake even with all this evidence. I read what I have written about my experiences when high and think, "Was that really me?"

I am thinking maybe I should try medication for when I am going through a lot of stress, and I understand it is important to get the correct diagnosis for that. But people around me, while seeing a definite change in my mood and behavior, are not seeing anything wrong and often think it is a good thing.

It sounds as if you're going through a very confusing time right now and that can't be easy. Obviously none of us here are able to 'diagnose' a particular mood state but some of the symptoms you mention do seem classically hypomanic- decreased sleep with increased energy levels, euphoria and irritability etc. That doesn't mean to say you've definitely experienced hypomania, though- only a pdoc can identify that- just that some of the things you've gone through sound quite like hypomania.

You're also not alone in finding that people around you prefer this mood state, and that you enjoy it yourself; I've had that, too. At times when I've been hypomanic I've had people that didn't know about my bipolar comment that they've seen a new side to me and they like it. Unfortunately, the way my bipolar is, I quickly escalate to full-blown mania/psychosis, which isn't fun at all for anyone involved. However, if I could stay mildly hypomanic indefinitely that would be amazing. I'd be so productive and fun loving. Sadly bipolar doesn't work that way and hypomania tends either to lead to mania and a loss of control and/or a crash down into depression.

I suppose what I'm trying to say ultimately is that just because people like your 'hypomania', from my experience, that doesn't mean it's not genuine. However, only a pdoc can diagnose you, and I'd encourage you to be as open and honest with them as possible (maybe even show them this post) in order to get the most accurate assessment of what disorder(s) you're struggling with. Good luck.

Yes, you do seem bipolar2, but you MUST get yourself diagnosed. And yes, you will appear good to others when you have hypomania. But it is harmful to you for various reasons. Left untreated, hypomania can change to mania, which is definitely worse. So don't take it lightly.