Confused relationship guilt...self sabotage.burden *TW*

Recently I lost 2 friends. Long story I hid my bipolar suicide attempt and eventually told them. That didn't go well. Showed desperation and looked pathetic but in the end we were done. Was extremely upset. I had my whole family cousins husband 's support. I have made new close friend and recenytold her by text that I tried to off myself. I don't know exactly y? Mayb to put it out there. She texted back I luv u and it does not matter to me. However I have not heard from her. Granted she hasbeenusy.
I've looked at my life and realized my whole life I push and pull all relationships till they end.
Mayb this is y?
Lately I been staying up at night even w sleeping pill. But in morning I'm exhausted. Like my clock is off.
I feel like telling the world.so I am here with my random feelings and thoughts and moods.

Big hugs.

You don't mention your age which I think might have to do with this. I told quite a few of my friends about my suicide attempts. I never lost any of them. People do, however, find it difficult to figure out how to react to that. Some feel guilty – "I should have been a better friend". Some just have no clue how to react at all – what are they supposed to say or do? I am 39 though, and my friends are my age or older. Some of them lost other friends to suicide; some have contemplated it themselves. A few are mentally ill as well.

I'd suggest you speak to a therapist re: relationships and psychiatrist re: sleeping. I've had major problems sleeping for two weeks recently – still got 5 hours a night – and it got bad. Very bad. Manic, paranoid, terrified, crazy bad. I got switched to other sleeping pills (diazepam) and weirdly I still get 5 hours but I feel stable and quite happy actually.

Big hugs!

I am 42. I feel guilty about not telling them and also to those who i hurt bc of my actions

Cheech wrote:Recently I lost 2 friends. Long story I hid my bipolar suicide attempt and eventually told them. That didn't go well. Showed desperation and looked pathetic but in the end we were done. Was extremely upset. I had my whole family cousins husband 's support. I have made new close friend and recenytold her by text that I tried to off myself. I don't know exactly y? Mayb to put it out there. She texted back I luv u and it does not matter to me. However I have not heard from her. Granted she hasbeenusy.
I've looked at my life and realized my whole life I push and pull all relationships till they end.
Mayb this is y?
Lately I been staying up at night even w sleeping pill. But in morning I'm exhausted. Like my clock is off.
I feel like telling the world.so I am here with my random feelings and thoughts and moods.

Months later, much later, after my suicide attempt I wanted to tell others. I felt like talking. That was just me. A couple of friends who I did tell just stayed quiet and listened. A few said, "You should have told me!" I didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to talk about it at the moment. I didn't realize how much of an impact it could have on others. All I knew was what I felt. And that was that I couldn't cope with life any longer. When no one knows you are even having problems, it can be such a shock to them that you have gone down this far, to the point you want to take your life. You are always welcome here to write and share about your moods and seek support. That's what this message board is for. It has helped me tremendously in the past and it still helps me now. Hugs if wanted!

P.S. This may or may not be true, but those two friends you lost, may not have been your friends to begin with. I haven't lost any friends, only those people who I rarely see anyway and maybe just happen to be on my facebook. Not everyone there is in my small social circle of friends. Just a thought...

Hi Cheech,
Welcome to the forum,
You can see I've been here a while and have a couple thousand posts.
Great place to be heard and get support. Give and take. You have a message to share and can be a supporter too. I hope you hang out and find this a safe place.
I live on the west coast of Canada so nights when I'm not sleeping, I can get on the forum and find someone awake in England or Europe who hears my cries.

Take care.