Need help, advice, support or just a listening ear.

Hey Crawling,

You have an amazing heart.
still able to consider someone who hurt you and not forgetting about your kids need for a father.

You obviously love them very much and they are lucky to have you, so many mothers give up where you stay strong. Taking your illness into account to decide what's best for the kids is very tough but shows your love.
But From what you've said about your husband I feel like he would be very unfit hold sole custody of the kids. Maybe a compromise may be reached where the kids could stay over a relatives house or even a foster home. Both you and your husband would be able to see them.

This will let you leave your abusive husband and you can move somewhere safe. Where you can focus on getting better and overcoming your illness, and after some time you will be stable and well enough to claim custody.

There are many options out there

I'll keep that as a last resort my daughter has severe autism and a upset like that will cause her considerate distress. She doesn't adjust to change very well, she will find it hard enough losing a parent from living at the house. It's time I stop being scared of failing and try my best. I have to know I tried my best for my kids. It's time to stop laying down and letting my illness and husband beat crap out of me mentally. It's time I fight for my kids again. I have to do this don't have a choice now.

*mod edit*